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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (April 5, 1908)
9 THE HOTEL N BOCT BEING A MODERN VIEW OF cJUSTIV jCBIEDRATJED ODD DIEASEAND THEIIC BY IRVING- S.-COBB THE SUA'DAY OKEUOXIAN, PORTLAND. APRIL. 5, 1908. CLBRK 1 F.E. but I feel all to the bum," lamented the Hou.e Detective, as he slumped down on the bell-boy's divan in the lobby of the St. Jteekles, and caressed his stream ing nose with a handkerchief. "Thafs ton bad." said the Hotel Clerk, sympathetically. "Tell me, have you a feeling. In your head- like a mirry-sro-round ?" '"She's achin" somethin' fierce," said the Houpe lietective. "Ain't let up a minute since I got out of bed." "And is your tonKuo furred?'' asked the Hotel Clerk. "Or do you happen to be one of those Christian Science persons that don't believe In furrles?" "Is If that? said the House Detec tive. Mr. Mc Bean, my tongue Is that furred till it feels like an automobile .'at. I feel like as if I had a wool nittten in my mouth an old veteran II. A. Ft. mitten that ain't lieen used any too kindly, and ("lighter be on the retired list. I'd trade tongues, sight unseen, with anybody I know, and I'd take a i-bance on. most any stranger." I'm sorry fur you," Said the Hotel clerk. "t always liked you, Larry, .'tml I'd hate like anything to see you int don u in the flower of your life, ami you Ftiil owing: me that last two ou borrowed to make it even ten." "You don't think It's anythin' seri ous, do you?" asked the House De teitive, anxiously. "Had I belter be .cein' the doctor right away?" "Well, that largely depends on what on want to have and how much you want tn pay for it." counselled the Hotel Clerk. "Ky consulting any re liable patent medicine circular you can acouiro one of the proprietary dis eases, a good, reliable disease, such as can be cured with four or six boxes of the .Number 2 pellets, one or more of the plasters described on page 6. ami a few half gallon bottles of good old !r. Slopover's Dark Rlue Elixir. This is one of the most popular ways of finding out what ails you, and in Hie long run it's the cheapest. Also, If you write a testimonial, it gives you a lino chance to get your name prominently before the reading public that stands up on streetcars. But ff you hanker for something a little more expensive, you can go to a regu lar doctor on a side street one of the dollar-ante docks that has his cilice hours printed all over the front win dow, of rourse, now, if your taste calls for oire of the exclusive and truly classy maladies, you might take nil the money you've been able to save up for the last few years and enjoy a couple of luxurious visits to a real rente de la crematory specialist that wears V-shaped whiskers and talks in words of six syllable's. He'll take our temperature with one hand, and your bank roll with the other, and "G SowingCrops From tO-orge M. Powers, Commissioner of Kinh find Fisheries, in the National ;foscra ph U Mn gazinc. TUF.RK ,irc' vpry ffw countries that "TiRiigo in the cultivation of ma rine fishes and crustaceans and none that conducts the work on nearly so extensive a scale ns does the United States. The only other country that deserves mention in this respect is Nr "a V. which undertook the pioneer operations In murine fish culture, and h? continued the cultivation of one species of fish at one hatchery up to The present time. Oysters and other tnoUusks aie-extensiveiy cultivated in France, Kr gland. Japan and other countries, ns well as the 1'nited States, but only as a, privatcT enterprise. The comparatively slight attention given to artificial -propagation of ma rine fishes and other froo-swimmlng creatures in Kuropc and all the other continents except America may be ex plained In several ways. In the first plHce, government fish culture is almost unknown In most countries, and this form of agriculture is not practicable for the private fish oulturist, w ho would not be able to ren p the exclu sive harvest from his labors. Then, ninny government fishery authorities, believing that man cannot permanently reduce, the abundance of fishes by his fishing: operations, however d est rue -iive, contend, that he cannot apprecia bly increase their abundance by arti ficial means, however extensive. This a lew is far from being- established by competent evidence, and is not general ly entertained in the United States or elsewhere. At a very early period in the history rif the N t tonal Hurrau of Fisheries it was determined by Commissioner Baird and his associates that, in view of the (.! over n men t's lack of Jurisdiction over the coastwise fisheries and its conse ntient inability to promote them by ;nif quate regulation, the most feasible aid that could be rendered by the Gov ernment would be through artificial propagation. The bureau therefore took up th.; necessary experimentation look ing; to the adoption of extensive cul tural operations, and soon determined ttie apparatus and methods applicable to the different species. The work has been conducted on a gradually increas ing scale, and three Government hatch eries, located at Gloucester, Woods little, Mass., and Hoothbay Harbor, Me., a re now main rained for the purpose. Tha fishes reg-ularly propagated are oq at H the stations, flounders at Woods Hole and Gloucester, and pol lock at the latter place. Cither fishes ma-'ket el, ft a u tog, sea bass and scup ha ve also been hatched from time to time. Lobsters are hatched at all three Muttons', but the- largest quantities of jouns: are produced at the Booth bay Harbor station, recently established by t'ongrcss as a special lobster hatchery. The great justification of marine hatching operations as conducted by the U nktcd States Government lies in l he fa-t that a vast majority of the Kgs taken would be totally lost If the lish culturlst did not come to the res- 'ue. As to the few remaining- eggs t hH t might be extruded and hatched naturally, the increased efficacy of ar tificial propagation must be conceded. rod c-rgs are obtained for the hatch cries in three different ways. The most proline source is the catch of the fish er men on the Ma Inc. New Hampshire a nd Massachusetts coasts. Kxperi .c turd spawn takers board the Ashing. slJZEAZ. chews; JIEZA CffEmTOET SPECIALIST, THAT LIA'ARI 'XT- FTAVTm tell you you've got a new complaint that sounds like the name of a private yacht, and advise you to 4akc a few- weeks' trip to Palm Beach, entirely forgetting that ' after he's collected his bill you won't be able to get as far south as Hallway, N. J., unless you catch an unguarded freight train. "Of course, on a hasty diag nosis, such as this has been, I can't say exactly, but I think you've got spinal meningitis or a Spring cold. If it's spinal meningitis, you can leave it alone, and let nature take its course. but if it's a Spring cold, you are In a serious condition, and I'd advise you to go right home and take seven or eight drinks of whisky and quinine, eaviiig out the quinine if ypu disliko the taste, and then go to bed and sleep it off." "Wot turned you agin' the doctors so?" asked the House Detective, lan guidly. "When a feller feels as bad as I do. a doctor looks like an angel to him." , "I haven't turned against the doc tor," said the Hotel Clerk. "I'm strong for him. ' He's with us when w e come into the world, and he's with us when we pass out of it, frequently lending a helping fiand on both occasions. My sympathies are particularly with him boats either on the fishing; grounds or on the way to port, strip the eggs from the dying1 or dead fish, fertil ize tin m, and then as soon as possible send them to the hatchery. This work, carried on in mid -Win tor. Involves great exposure and hardship, of a na ture to be felt by the most stolid fish erman. The second method of securing; cod eggs Is to catch the mature fish with hand lines on the outlying1 shoals, take them to the hatchery in the wells of smacks and hold them in live cars pending- the gradual ripening- of their eg-gs. At regular intervals the fish are overhauled and the ripe egg's expressed and fertilized. Several thousand brood fish are thus handled, at the Woods Hole station each year. An improve ment on thirr practice has recently been tried at Woods Hole, as a result of personal observations In Norway by the Deputy Commissioner of Fisheries. The brood fish are held in a large cov ered compartment, and are allowed to spawn naturally; and the eggs, rising to the surface, flow over a shallow sluice and are collected in scrim bags or on a w Ire-mesh tray, whence they are transferred to the batching appa ratus. By this method the laborious task of forcibly expressing the eggs from the struggling fish is made un necessary, a much larger percentage of eggs Ih obtained and fertilized, and the brood fish remain In excellent con dition, and nifty be released when the spawning is completed. Pollock eggs are obtained from the boats of the market fishermen. The pollock is an ex'-fltent food fish, caught in Immense quantities, and Its artificial propaga tion is being conducted on an increas ing'y extensive scale. Ttie several hundred million eggs of the Winter flounder that are now in cubated each season are deposited nat urally by captive fish held at the hatch eries in tanks of running water. The fish spawn at night, and practically 10.1 per cent of their eggs are fertilized and hatched. Under tle most favor able natural conditions a large per centage necessarily escape fertilization, many are devoured by other fishes and many are washed ashore. The operations of the Bureau of Fisheries in behalf of the lobster fish ery, are of the most beneficent charac ter. Notwithstanding the enactment, by all the states interested, of stringent laws against the sale or possession of egg-bearing lobsters, such laws, as every one knows, have always been evaded or Ignored by a large propor tion of the lobster fishermen, especially in recent years. vhen the prices of lobsters have been high. It is an easy matter to strip the eggs from a lobster, and the fisherman who would return a lobster to the water simply because it was a 'berried" female would be re garded by his associates as a crank. Seeing how the destruction of lobster eggs was going on. notwithstanding the efforts of the local fishery authori ties to prevent it, the Bureau took up the matter with the states and secured a modification of the laws, by which the fishermen are now allowed openly to retain seed lobsters until agents of the Bureau take them off their hands, the fishermen receiving the ruling mar ket price for their catch. The lobsters are first taken to the hatchery, where their eggs are gently scraped from the abdominal appendages, and are then carried offshore and released In deep water. In this way not only are 'mil lions of lobster eggs saved each year but many, thousands of mature female mmsmm gam i TO MKATJf -4T THE at this time, when the anti-vivisection-ists are handing the mediisal profes sion so many clouts on the "The antl wot did you say?" asked the House Detective. "The anti-vivlsectionists." repeated the Hotel Clerk. "Meaning by that, Larry,' the people who think it's un necessary to excavate into a bunny tabbit or Inoculate a tabby cat with the cigarette habit in order to llnd out what ails a grown man when the cir cumstances are similar or sometimes different. All classes are enlisfiug In the crusade. Including some of the humanitarians who go to shooting matches and blow the giblets out of tame pigeons, a number of philan thropists who like to fish with live frogs for bait, a strong delegation of the ladies who Wear deceased song birds on their hats, and scores of those kindly gourmands who always want their lobsters live broiled. "To be sure, Larry, it's barely pos sible that the vivisection game may have been overdone In certain quar ters. I suppose when a bright young man from a medical college gets his first kit of nice, shiny, new tools, he's actuated by the same ambition that induces a 10-year-old boy to want to hack off the Grand Rapids legs of the the Ocean lobsters are given a new lease of life. Since the establishment of the lobster hatchery on the Maine coast, egg-bearing lobsters bought during late Sum mer and Fall are held in large in closures, or "pounds." until the follow ing Summer, and are then relieved of their eggs shortly before the time they would hatch naturally. Practically the entire New Kn gland coast is now pa trolled by agents of the Bureau in. quest of seed lobsters, the work being limited only by the attitude of the fishermen and the facilities and funds available. The eggs of most of the marine food fishes float Rt the surface, and there fore require entirely different treat ment from that given the heavy eggs of salmon and trout on one hand and the semi-buoyant eggs of the shad and whitefish on the other. The Incubation of Immense numbers of floating eggs has been made possible by an inven tion of a very ingenious device known as the automatic tidal box. Such boxes, arranged in series in the compartments of a long trough, consist of wooden framework open at the top and covered with cheese cloth at the bottom. The water is supplied to each compartment by means of a tube which discharges into a little well, from which the water escapes with some force through a small aperture in the center of the back of each box; this current Imparts a double rotary movement to the mass of eggs. Tn the front of each compart ment a siphon works automatically and permits the entire renewal of the water every six' or eight minutes. From 400.000 to 500.00-1 cod or similar eggs may be placed in one box and these hatch with Ilttle'attentlon from the fish culturist, owing to the complete oxy genation afforded by the circulation and frequent change of water. The young emerge in 10 or 11 days when the water temperature is 46 degrees or 4" degrees F., but the hatching may be deferred for 5J days in water of 31 degrees F. The eggs of the lobster are semi buoyant and are susceptible to the same methods of hatching as the eggs of the shad that is, in glass jars from which the young escape as they come from the. egg and swim in the zone of water in the top of the jars. As the larval lobsters are cannibals from the moment of their emergence from the egg, it Is necessary to keep them constantly stirred and to plant them as soon as possible in order to avoid wholesale mutual destruction. The magnitude of the fisheries to be aided and the area of the waters to be stocked have necessitated the most exten sive fi?h-cultural operations on the part of the Government. The yearly output of the, hatcheries must be counted by hundreds of millions, and the efforts should be annually increased in order to offset the increased drain on the supply occasioned by the growing demand and larger numbers of fishermen engaged. Lack of facilities has up to this time pre vented the rearing of lobsters and marine fishes, and tremendous destruction of the delicate newly hatched fry must thus be discounted by planting the young in far greater numbers than would otherwise be required. During the past ten years the bureau has planted In New England wat ers more than 4,450.00i,OiTO artificially hatched fish and lobsters. The output for 97 was 654.eso.OftO. which was much larger than for any previous year. Tlie difficulty of determining the results of fish culture u; greater in the case of marine operations than in any other branch. The products of the hatcheries 1007? Chippendale sideboard with the toy hatchet he got off the Christmas tree. I read in the scientific Journals some times where the eminent Dr. Cutten slash tells about mixing the vital or gans of a pelican and a pug dog. As a result of this interesting and con genial experiment, he is now able to report that the pug dog drowned him self while diving for minnows, and the pelican went out into the backyard and barked himself to death at the moon. All of which is highly inter esting, but speaking purely as a lay man, I fail to see where the present mode of treating hives in small chil dren has been materially benefited thereby. "I myself, Larry, am a great lover of our dumb animal friends, such as the night-blooming tomlawsoncat, the talking poll parrot, the early rising hound pup, the non-extingulshable canary bird, and the gentle guinea pig no, I'd cut out the guinea pig, be cause he's not as dumb as the others I've named, although quite dumb at times when you try to teach him a few graceful and sprightly tricks. I re gret It deeply when In the interests of research, the operating table claims a worthy Belgian hare that ishe sole support of a large and growing fam are free to roam, so widely and mingle with other fish to such an extent that it Isj almost impossible - to separate the re sults of artificial propagation from those due to natural reproduction. Indeed, so little conclusive evidence can be adduced in support of marine fish culture that many persons are entirely sceptical as to Its benefits. As already stated, the Bureau of Fish eries has proceeded on the hypothesis that the effects of man's Improvidence with re gard to the shore-inhabiting species can be counteracted by sufficiently extensive artificial measures; and it has had ample justification for a continuance of Its ope rations In the widespread popularity of the work and in the vast amount of un solicited testimony received in the last 20 years, showing t he apparent increase in the abundance of the species handled at the hatcheries. Tt was- about 1SS9, some 10 or 12 years after cod cultlva tlon was systematica Hy begun, that the first resnjlts began to be manifested. Schools of small fish, of marketable size, appeared on Inshore grounds that either had never before had runs of cod, so far as known, or had been visited by only limited numbers of such fish. Careful observations conducted by the bureau had traced the annual growth of the artificially hatched fry In the coastwise water, and had left little doubt that the Immense bodies of cod that had recently appeared were the direct out come of ther hatchery work. The fisher men were quick to take advantage of the new run of fish, and it was estimated that in 1S89 the fishermen of Southern New England'had caught cod to the value of $aS0.o0ii on grounds where regular od fish ing had never before been profitable. The abundance of the so-called "hatchery cod" in the Inshore bays and sounds has continued without interruption, and a definite nhery has been established. Furthermore, a most lucrative sma-U-boat fishery has been built up on the shores of New York and New Jersey, The downward trend of the lobster fish ery had, up to a year or two ago, been apparently uninfluenced by the annual planting of large numbers of lobster fry; but there is now considerable evidence that the increasing output of the hatch eries is bearing fruit. Fshermen are re porting more undersized lobsters than they liava seen In many years, and In va rious places where fishing has been aban doned, because it did not pay, the fisher men are now making good catches. It is difficult to understand how the annual planting of the progeny of 30,000 to 30.000 lobsters can fall to Influence the available supply for the market, even if only one lobster fry in each hundred planted reaches maturity: and the bureau has oc casion to feel gratified that the decline has now been positively arrested in locali ties where large numbers of fry have been deposited for a series of years, and where fhere was absolutely no reason to look for any betterment, if nature had remained unaided. Let Him Know It. Cleveland Plalp Dealer. When a fellow pleases you Iet him know it; It's a simple thins to do 1jt him know It; Can't you give thf scheme a trial? It is sure to brin a smile And that makes it worth the while l.et him know it. Tou are Dleased when any one . Lets you know it. When th man who thinks "Well done' Lets you know It. For It gives you added zest To brins out your very best Just b-eause some mortal blest Lets you know it. When a fellow pleases you I-et him know it; Why. 1; l?n't much to do Let him know it: It will help him tn the fray. And he'll think his efforts pay; 1 you like h'fi work or way. Let him know it. JIZ2VD -HEARTED SZL7Z7ILLY' WZTIA. ZINE 0FZTQVID G-00I5 . ily of little Belgian heirs and heir esses. I deplore the frequent sacri fices of white rats with pink eyes and poor circulation in their cute little tails; but just between you and me, Larry, I'd rather any rabbit I ever knew should have Asiatic cholera twice than that I should have it once. "And, anyway, we've got to admit that medical science has made great strides during the last century. It hasn't been such a great many years since a surgeon used to break into a patient, the same way the Red Leary O'Brien gang broke into a safe. If the lord of the manor was aroused by a knock at the door, and found a. husky party standing on the doorstep with a pot of glue in one hand and a crosscut saw under his arm, he didn't know whether the gentle stranger had come to mend the drain or take off the cook's leg. Fifty years ago when a citizen got the smallpox it was a signal for his relatives to pick out the pallbearers and hold family prayers but not on the same premises. If a man had it, and by any accident got well, he went around the rest of his life with his face looking like an oys ter plate. "Jf a pioneer had a touch of fever, the doctor arrived toting a crock of Stories Told of Prominent Men The Naive Uuke. KB late Br. William M. Stonehill,' said a college settlement worker of New York, "was called tho Bishop of the Bowery. It was a title of affection. The Bowery loved this good man. "He sometimes used to laugh over the naivete of his Bowery audiences. He used to say that in their frequent audible comments on bis sermons they reminded him of the fanrTous Duke of Cambridge thft old Duke, you know. "From his great pew the Duke rumbled out all sorts of remarks and criticisms every Sunday morning. 'It would be, said Dr.Stonebili, 'something like this: "Preacher Iet us pray. "Duke By all means. "Preacher prays for rain. "Duke No good In that so long as the wind is in the east. "Preacher (reading) Zaccheus stood forth and said, 'Behold, Iord, the half of my lands I give to the poor "Duke Too much. Don't mind sub scribing, but can't stand that. "Preacher quotes a certain command ment. "Duke Quite right, quite right; but very difficult sometimes. "Preacher quotes another command ment which need not be indicated. "Duke No, no! It was my brother Ernest did that." ' Rather a Misnomer. Mrs. Patrick Campbell, the talented English aetreps. said the other day of an English critic whose methods she dislikes: "The man is not a critic at all. He has not enough intelligence to be a critic. In fact, he belles his name like like " She smiled. "An incident will supply my simile," she said. "On one of my voyages to the States the weather was extremely rough. As I lay in my berth my luggage and the fittings of my stateroom were flung about horribly. All of a sudden there came an extra heavy lurch, and some thing struck me on the head. "I was stunned. The blow had been severe. When I recovered my . senses and looked to see what had so nearly done for me. I beheld an admirable con trivance marked. In great black letters, 'Live-Saving Apparatus. " Going Up. Miss E. L. Todd, the talented young New York woman who, having invented an aeroplane, has abandoned the type writing business and begun the formation of an aeroplane-building company, was congratulated the other day . on her changed circumstances. "It Is rather a rise, isn't it?" she said. "Something like the raise of a lawyer I once knew. " I don't see young Iawyer Browne at all any more, said a lady at a tea. 'He has quite droped out of our set." " 'Lawyer Browne tells a different story himself.' said a second lady. " 'Indeed? What does he say? " 'He says he has climbed out of it ' On 3farrlaffe. Mark Twain at the remarkably beauti ful dinner that Robert Collier gave at Sherry's, in New York last month, sat beside Miss Ethel Barry more. Mies Barrymore, the story goes, talked to the great humorist about marriage. She spoke of the odd views on marriage that are held by H. G. Wells, by Ocorge .Moore, by George Meredith and by Mr. white powder and gave him half a pound of It on the end of a knife, and kept the rest of it to make the death mask with. Or if the suffererresided In the backwoods, there was always si. me klndhearted elderly lady in the neighborhood who turned up with a line of liquid goods that she'd brewed out of sassafras root and poison ivy and oak galls, and ofher delightful medicinal products of the field and the forest. She wrapped the invalid up in buffalo robes, and dehiged his interior with a gourdful of this pleasing mix ture every fifteen minutes, and sweat ed the impurities through his hide until he was as open-pored as a piece of tripe. No wonder so many of our ancestors had floating kidneys. If a kidney couldn't float, it drowned. "I came along at a comparatively recent period during the vogue of the brunette pill that was the size of a California plum, but not so tasty. In my happy childhood if I carelessly sniffled in the home circle I was rubbed with mutton suet and asafoe tida in equal parts, only the asafoetida attracted the' most attention. It was very hard for a growing boy to be come unduly conceited and think too much of himself when he had been freely anointed with mutton suet and Ilowells. who is continually saying that passionate love soon dies. "What is your idea of marriage?" she .Fked the humorist. "Let me repeat to you." he replied, "a remark that I heard a Hartford man once make. "It was at the marriage of this man's daughter. AH was over, and the young eoupln were about to. start on their honeymoon. "The man. as he bade his new son-in-law good -by, shook him by the hand and said huskily-; " 'It's 25 years since T was fixed up. Bill, my boy, and I trust you'll well, of course. the rough goes with the smooth. ' The Krror. Senator Depew, at a reception in Washington, was discussing an error that had been made in the first arrange ments of the New York-Paris automobile race. "The error was ultimately corrected," be said "and while it lasted it did no harm, any way. It was funny, though. It was like an error that once occurred on the New York Central. "It seems that at a small station a ticket agent had run short of tickets, and was obliged to give a party of fish ermen halves instead of wholes. Full fare was paid for these half tickets, and the agent went out on the platform when the train stopped and explained the matter to the conductor, so that everything should be all right. "The conductor had almost forgotten this occurrence when, some 10 miles fur ther on, the tront hrakeman came to him and said, In a tone of bitter disgust: " This here half-faro dodge is gettin' a little too hot for me, boss. Why, theres a buncli of children up in the smoker what plays poker, drinks whisky and wears whiskers. " Sauce for the Gander. "We should give these men the treatment they give us," said Mrs. Boorman Wells, thoEnglish Suffragist, at a ladies' luncheon at the Plaza. "I know a woman' In Park Lane whose husband used to stay out contin ually till 4 or 5 o'clock in the morn ing. "She cured him. "The last time he came home at dawn he found her. in a low-cut din ner gown, yawning over a novel and a c.up of tea. "'I didn't er suppose you d sit up for me, dear,' he said. "'Oh, said she, 'I haven't been sit ting up for you, darling. I've Just come In myself.' " In Praise of Pajamas. Eddie Foy, the comedian, at a theatri cal supper in New York, made a funrry speech in praise of pajamas. "Always wear pajamas." he began. "Never wear a nightshirt. I have never worn nightshirts since I heard the hor rible experience that Fritz Sausage, a German waiter of Chicago, hau with tae pesky things. "Frite Sausage used to come home every evening from the cafe with his pockets full of dimes and quarters his day's tips, you know. His wife, after he had fallen asleep, would get up and raid that silver mine. Fritz said noth ing though he thought it was an unkind thing for her to do. "At last he decided he wouldn't stand those nocturnal raids any longer. So. the next night, he came home, he waited till his wife was asleep and then he got asafuetida and then taken into a warm room. "It's only been a few years since we had the appendicitis era. It was what you might call the open season on pa tients. A stitch In the side meant nine In tlfe hide. During that gladsome era every other person you met had a date up at the hospital tomorrow 'af ternoon at 3 o'clock. He'd go up and they'd Invade him, and the next day he'd go home, proud and happy, with his 'appendix In a bottle of alcohol If he was of a saving and frugal disposi tion, or leave it behind with 9000 oth ers Just like It, if he was of a care free, generous nature. Nowadays'when a man thinks he has appendicitis his family doctor tells him to chew his hard-boiled eggs before swallowing them, and lets it go at that. "Thus we see, Larry, how the pro fession has progressed onward and up ward that Is, the doctors have pro gressed onward, and many of the pa tients have progressed upward until now almost any one of us is able to die of a great number o' 'new and at tractive diseases which were totally unknown to our grandfathers. M'hat's more, if you only look for him, you tan always find a doctor that'll agree with you that you've got whatever it Is you want lo have. One doctor says you eat too much and ought to Jive on chopped hay and proteid nuts a few years. Well, you start in to do it, but after two or three weeks you begin to get a little snappish and you can't pass a nice, clean llltie fat boy without having a longing to bite into him. Sio you go to some other doctor around the corner from the first one, and he asks you what you've been doing to yourself, and you tell him, and he says, merciful heavens, far be It from him to knock a brother practitioner, because it's not goixl eth ics, and besicjos it's unnecessary; but, good gracious, it's a good thing you came to him before you were past traveling, and he writes you out a prescription calling for a club steak six Inches tall and half a bushel of baked potatoes. "If you desire a trip, there's always a doctor who's got a brother that is a traveling passenger agent. If you've been drinking too much, you can find a specaillst who knows you ought to do the Rebecca-at-the-well act, just as soon as you tell him, so, and when you want to resume liquidation it won't take you Five minutes to get in touch with a medical expert that will treat you and then stay right there, with his foot on the rail and let you treat him." "I kin remember.' said the House Deetctive, "when the doctors used tu be mighty handy with their lancets. They don't bleed the patients any more, do they?" "Oh, yes, indeed." said the Hotel Clerk, "but not with a lancet." up out of bed, took all the silver from his jiotrkcts, climbed gack under the sheeU again and very quietly tied the money up in a corner of his nightshirt. "Then he smued to himself. He couldn't hHp thinking how disappointed his wife would be when she tiptoed across the dark room in the cold and went through his pockets and found nothing. "He fell asleep as happy as a child. He awoke, in broad daylight. His wife was bending over him tenderly. " 'Oh. Fritz,' she said, 'thank you for the present. "'What present? said be. " 'Why. said his wife, 'all that money tied In my nightie. " The BIclitz Ghost. "Your place, sir, will never be filled." a reporter sa Id to Heinrlch Conreld, the retiring director of the Metropoli tan Opera-House, of New York. Mr. Conreld shook his head and smiled. "There was a ghost." he said, "a ghost In Blelltz. by native Bielits. I will tell you of him. "The ghost haunted the Inn. No body minded htm. for in Silesia he was well known; but an Englishman stopped at the inn one night In the season, and to him the ghost had not been explained. "So the nxt morning the English man came down to his breakfast pale, bloodshot tnd irritable. "'Landlord.' he safd, 'tell me, is not my room haunted ?' "'Why. yes.' said the landlord. 'Didn't you know?' "'Of course T did not know! What do you mean, sir, by putting me In a haunted room?' the EngllHhman stormed. "'But the old fellow Is quite harm less, said the landlord reassuringly. "'The old fellow?' "'Yes, said the landlord. 4Tbe ghost. The old fellow who built up the business. He built it up. you know, and died, and now he can't 'rest easy because it goes on as well as ever It did without him.' " A Prophery. It was 'a nleasant day in J tin p. And Rreat was the convention The sun wa ridint hJah at noon. And the land was nil attention. "Alabama!" called the clerk. .nri thc ofTIre crowd went 'daft When a t 5. marshal showed hi. head Out in the septhfn? man and said. 'Count '22 for Taft!'fc The Cannon mn turn pale as chot. And tho Hugh's rrrnn gulped for breath The man for Fairbanks buns to posts Ap colorless as death. "Arkansas." the clerk exclaimed. And the hall hook fore and aft Whrn a prv potmastr, lilte of hair. Bopped to the pnaln dck of his chair. And cried. "Kichteen for Taft!" The Fairbanks men exuded groans. And the Cannon mn shed tars And tbr; Hughes men uttered none fcuf moans That once had uttered cheer. "California !' boomed the clerk. And the whole convention laughed When a revenue collector rose And shrilly whistled through his nose, "Count 20 more for Taft!" The Hughes men looked at the Cannon mea And the Fairbanks men. from prayers And grieving, joiucd the others when They pulled their Teddy Bear?. And (hey all rushed up on the platforir high. As men who had made ready And when the din and the tumult died. And the dust had settled some Inside. The candidate was Teddr. fit. L.outi I03t-lHptch.
