9
THE HOTEL
N BOCT
BEING A MODERN VIEW OF cJUSTIV jCBIEDRATJED ODD DIEASEAND THEIIC
BY IRVING- S.-COBB
THE SUA'DAY OKEUOXIAN, PORTLAND. APRIL. 5, 1908.
CLBRK
1 F.E. but I feel all to the bum,"
lamented the Hou.e Detective,
as he slumped down on the
bell-boy's divan in the lobby of the St.
Jteekles, and caressed his stream
ing nose with a handkerchief.
"Thafs ton bad." said the Hotel
Clerk, sympathetically. "Tell me,
have you a feeling. In your head- like
a mirry-sro-round ?"
'"She's achin" somethin' fierce," said
the Houpe lietective. "Ain't let up a
minute since I got out of bed."
"And is your tonKuo furred?'' asked
the Hotel Clerk. "Or do you happen
to be one of those Christian Science
persons that don't believe In furrles?"
"Is If that? said the House Detec
tive. Mr. Mc Bean, my tongue Is that
furred till it feels like an automobile
.'at. I feel like as if I had a wool
nittten in my mouth an old veteran
II. A. Ft. mitten that ain't lieen used
any too kindly, and ("lighter be on the
retired list. I'd trade tongues, sight
unseen, with anybody I know, and I'd
take a i-bance on. most any stranger."
I'm sorry fur you," Said the Hotel
clerk. "t always liked you, Larry,
.'tml I'd hate like anything to see you
int don u in the flower of your life,
ami you Ftiil owing: me that last two
ou borrowed to make it even ten."
"You don't think It's anythin' seri
ous, do you?" asked the House De
teitive, anxiously. "Had I belter be
.cein' the doctor right away?"
"Well, that largely depends on what
on want to have and how much you
want tn pay for it." counselled the
Hotel Clerk. "Ky consulting any re
liable patent medicine circular you
can acouiro one of the proprietary dis
eases, a good, reliable disease, such
as can be cured with four or six boxes
of the .Number 2 pellets, one or more
of the plasters described on page 6.
ami a few half gallon bottles of good
old !r. Slopover's Dark Rlue Elixir.
This is one of the most popular ways
of finding out what ails you, and in
Hie long run it's the cheapest. Also,
If you write a testimonial, it gives
you a lino chance to get your name
prominently before the reading public
that stands up on streetcars. But ff
you hanker for something a little
more expensive, you can go to a regu
lar doctor on a side street one of the
dollar-ante docks that has his cilice
hours printed all over the front win
dow, of rourse, now, if your taste
calls for oire of the exclusive and
truly classy maladies, you might take
nil the money you've been able to save
up for the last few years and enjoy a
couple of luxurious visits to a real
rente de la crematory specialist that
wears V-shaped whiskers and talks in
words of six syllable's. He'll take
our temperature with one hand, and
your bank roll with the other, and
"G
SowingCrops From
tO-orge M. Powers, Commissioner of
Kinh find Fisheries, in the National
;foscra ph U Mn gazinc.
TUF.RK ,irc' vpry ffw countries that
"TiRiigo in the cultivation of ma
rine fishes and crustaceans and
none that conducts the work on nearly
so extensive a scale ns does the United
States. The only other country that
deserves mention in this respect is
Nr "a V. which undertook the pioneer
operations In murine fish culture, and
h? continued the cultivation of one
species of fish at one hatchery up to
The present time. Oysters and other
tnoUusks aie-extensiveiy cultivated in
France, Kr gland. Japan and other
countries, ns well as the 1'nited States,
but only as a, privatcT enterprise.
The comparatively slight attention
given to artificial -propagation of ma
rine fishes and other froo-swimmlng
creatures in Kuropc and all the other
continents except America may be ex
plained In several ways. In the first
plHce, government fish culture is almost
unknown In most countries, and this
form of agriculture is not practicable
for the private fish oulturist, w ho
would not be able to ren p the exclu
sive harvest from his labors. Then,
ninny government fishery authorities,
believing that man cannot permanently
reduce, the abundance of fishes by his
fishing: operations, however d est rue -iive,
contend, that he cannot apprecia
bly increase their abundance by arti
ficial means, however extensive. This
a lew is far from being- established by
competent evidence, and is not general
ly entertained in the United States or
elsewhere.
At a very early period in the history
rif the N t tonal Hurrau of Fisheries it
was determined by Commissioner Baird
and his associates that, in view of the
(.! over n men t's lack of Jurisdiction over
the coastwise fisheries and its conse
ntient inability to promote them by
;nif quate regulation, the most feasible
aid that could be rendered by the Gov
ernment would be through artificial
propagation. The bureau therefore took
up th.; necessary experimentation look
ing; to the adoption of extensive cul
tural operations, and soon determined
ttie apparatus and methods applicable
to the different species. The work has
been conducted on a gradually increas
ing scale, and three Government hatch
eries, located at Gloucester, Woods
little, Mass., and Hoothbay Harbor, Me.,
a re now main rained for the purpose.
Tha fishes reg-ularly propagated are
oq at H the stations, flounders at
Woods Hole and Gloucester, and pol
lock at the latter place. Cither fishes
ma-'ket el, ft a u tog, sea bass and scup
ha ve also been hatched from time to
time. Lobsters are hatched at all three
Muttons', but the- largest quantities of
jouns: are produced at the Booth bay
Harbor station, recently established by
t'ongrcss as a special lobster hatchery.
The great justification of marine
hatching operations as conducted by
the U nktcd States Government lies in
l he fa-t that a vast majority of the
Kgs taken would be totally lost If the
lish culturlst did not come to the res-
'ue. As to the few remaining- eggs
t hH t might be extruded and hatched
naturally, the increased efficacy of ar
tificial propagation must be conceded.
rod c-rgs are obtained for the hatch
cries in three different ways. The most
proline source is the catch of the fish
er men on the Ma Inc. New Hampshire
a nd Massachusetts coasts. Kxperi
.c turd spawn takers board the Ashing.
slJZEAZ. chews;
JIEZA CffEmTOET
SPECIALIST, THAT
LIA'ARI 'XT- FTAVTm
tell you you've got a new complaint
that sounds like the name of a private
yacht, and advise you to 4akc a few-
weeks' trip to Palm Beach, entirely
forgetting that ' after he's collected
his bill you won't be able to get as
far south as Hallway, N. J., unless
you catch an unguarded freight train.
"Of course, on a hasty diag
nosis, such as this has been, I can't
say exactly, but I think you've got
spinal meningitis or a Spring cold. If
it's spinal meningitis, you can leave it
alone, and let nature take its course.
but if it's a Spring cold, you are In a
serious condition, and I'd advise you
to go right home and take seven or
eight drinks of whisky and quinine,
eaviiig out the quinine if ypu disliko
the taste, and then go to bed and
sleep it off."
"Wot turned you agin' the doctors
so?" asked the House Detective, lan
guidly. "When a feller feels as bad
as I do. a doctor looks like an angel
to him." ,
"I haven't turned against the doc
tor," said the Hotel Clerk. "I'm strong
for him. ' He's with us when w e come
into the world, and he's with us when
we pass out of it, frequently lending a
helping fiand on both occasions. My
sympathies are particularly with him
boats either on the fishing; grounds or
on the way to port, strip the eggs
from the dying1 or dead fish, fertil ize
tin m, and then as soon as possible
send them to the hatchery. This work,
carried on in mid -Win tor. Involves
great exposure and hardship, of a na
ture to be felt by the most stolid fish
erman. The second method of securing;
cod eggs Is to catch the mature fish
with hand lines on the outlying1 shoals,
take them to the hatchery in the wells
of smacks and hold them in live cars
pending- the gradual ripening- of their
eg-gs. At regular intervals the fish are
overhauled and the ripe egg's expressed
and fertilized. Several thousand brood
fish are thus handled, at the Woods
Hole station each year. An improve
ment on thirr practice has recently been
tried at Woods Hole, as a result of
personal observations In Norway by
the Deputy Commissioner of Fisheries.
The brood fish are held in a large cov
ered compartment, and are allowed to
spawn naturally; and the eggs, rising
to the surface, flow over a shallow
sluice and are collected in scrim bags
or on a w Ire-mesh tray, whence they
are transferred to the batching appa
ratus. By this method the laborious
task of forcibly expressing the eggs
from the struggling fish is made un
necessary, a much larger percentage
of eggs Ih obtained and fertilized, and
the brood fish remain In excellent con
dition, and nifty be released when the
spawning is completed. Pollock eggs
are obtained from the boats of the
market fishermen. The pollock is an
ex'-fltent food fish, caught in Immense
quantities, and Its artificial propaga
tion is being conducted on an increas
ing'y extensive scale.
Ttie several hundred million eggs of
the Winter flounder that are now in
cubated each season are deposited nat
urally by captive fish held at the hatch
eries in tanks of running water. The
fish spawn at night, and practically
10.1 per cent of their eggs are fertilized
and hatched. Under tle most favor
able natural conditions a large per
centage necessarily escape fertilization,
many are devoured by other fishes and
many are washed ashore.
The operations of the Bureau of
Fisheries in behalf of the lobster fish
ery, are of the most beneficent charac
ter. Notwithstanding the enactment, by
all the states interested, of stringent
laws against the sale or possession of
egg-bearing lobsters, such laws, as
every one knows, have always been
evaded or Ignored by a large propor
tion of the lobster fishermen, especially
in recent years. vhen the prices of
lobsters have been high. It is an easy
matter to strip the eggs from a lobster,
and the fisherman who would return a
lobster to the water simply because it
was a 'berried" female would be re
garded by his associates as a crank.
Seeing how the destruction of lobster
eggs was going on. notwithstanding
the efforts of the local fishery authori
ties to prevent it, the Bureau took up
the matter with the states and secured
a modification of the laws, by which
the fishermen are now allowed openly
to retain seed lobsters until agents of
the Bureau take them off their hands,
the fishermen receiving the ruling mar
ket price for their catch. The lobsters
are first taken to the hatchery, where
their eggs are gently scraped from the
abdominal appendages, and are then
carried offshore and released In deep
water. In this way not only are 'mil
lions of lobster eggs saved each year
but many, thousands of mature female
mmsmm gam i
TO MKATJf -4T THE
at this time, when the anti-vivisection-ists
are handing the mediisal profes
sion so many clouts on the
"The antl wot did you say?" asked
the House Detective.
"The anti-vivlsectionists." repeated
the Hotel Clerk. "Meaning by that,
Larry,' the people who think it's un
necessary to excavate into a bunny
tabbit or Inoculate a tabby cat with
the cigarette habit in order to llnd out
what ails a grown man when the cir
cumstances are similar or sometimes
different. All classes are enlisfiug In
the crusade. Including some of the
humanitarians who go to shooting
matches and blow the giblets out of
tame pigeons, a number of philan
thropists who like to fish with live
frogs for bait, a strong delegation of
the ladies who Wear deceased song
birds on their hats, and scores of
those kindly gourmands who always
want their lobsters live broiled.
"To be sure, Larry, it's barely pos
sible that the vivisection game may
have been overdone In certain quar
ters. I suppose when a bright young
man from a medical college gets his
first kit of nice, shiny, new tools, he's
actuated by the same ambition that
induces a 10-year-old boy to want to
hack off the Grand Rapids legs of the
the Ocean
lobsters are given a new lease of life.
Since the establishment of the lobster
hatchery on the Maine coast, egg-bearing
lobsters bought during late Sum
mer and Fall are held in large in
closures, or "pounds." until the follow
ing Summer, and are then relieved of
their eggs shortly before the time they
would hatch naturally. Practically the
entire New Kn gland coast is now pa
trolled by agents of the Bureau in.
quest of seed lobsters, the work being
limited only by the attitude of the
fishermen and the facilities and funds
available.
The eggs of most of the marine food
fishes float Rt the surface, and there
fore require entirely different treat
ment from that given the heavy eggs
of salmon and trout on one hand and
the semi-buoyant eggs of the shad and
whitefish on the other. The Incubation
of Immense numbers of floating eggs
has been made possible by an inven
tion of a very ingenious device known
as the automatic tidal box. Such boxes,
arranged in series in the compartments
of a long trough, consist of wooden
framework open at the top and covered
with cheese cloth at the bottom. The
water is supplied to each compartment
by means of a tube which discharges
into a little well, from which the water
escapes with some force through a
small aperture in the center of the
back of each box; this current Imparts
a double rotary movement to the mass
of eggs. Tn the front of each compart
ment a siphon works automatically and
permits the entire renewal of the water
every six' or eight minutes. From
400.000 to 500.00-1 cod or similar eggs
may be placed in one box and these
hatch with Ilttle'attentlon from the fish
culturist, owing to the complete oxy
genation afforded by the circulation
and frequent change of water. The
young emerge in 10 or 11 days when
the water temperature is 46 degrees or
4" degrees F., but the hatching may be
deferred for 5J days in water of 31
degrees F.
The eggs of the lobster are semi
buoyant and are susceptible to the same
methods of hatching as the eggs of the
shad that is, in glass jars from which
the young escape as they come from the.
egg and swim in the zone of water in the
top of the jars. As the larval lobsters
are cannibals from the moment of their
emergence from the egg, it Is necessary
to keep them constantly stirred and to
plant them as soon as possible in order
to avoid wholesale mutual destruction.
The magnitude of the fisheries to be
aided and the area of the waters to be
stocked have necessitated the most exten
sive fi?h-cultural operations on the part
of the Government. The yearly output
of the, hatcheries must be counted by
hundreds of millions, and the efforts
should be annually increased in order to
offset the increased drain on the supply
occasioned by the growing demand and
larger numbers of fishermen engaged.
Lack of facilities has up to this time pre
vented the rearing of lobsters and marine
fishes, and tremendous destruction of the
delicate newly hatched fry must thus be
discounted by planting the young in far
greater numbers than would otherwise be
required. During the past ten years the
bureau has planted In New England wat
ers more than 4,450.00i,OiTO artificially
hatched fish and lobsters. The output for
97 was 654.eso.OftO. which was much larger
than for any previous year.
Tlie difficulty of determining the results
of fish culture u; greater in the case of
marine operations than in any other
branch. The products of the hatcheries
1007?
Chippendale sideboard with the toy
hatchet he got off the Christmas tree.
I read in the scientific Journals some
times where the eminent Dr. Cutten
slash tells about mixing the vital or
gans of a pelican and a pug dog. As
a result of this interesting and con
genial experiment, he is now able to
report that the pug dog drowned him
self while diving for minnows, and the
pelican went out into the backyard
and barked himself to death at the
moon. All of which is highly inter
esting, but speaking purely as a lay
man, I fail to see where the present
mode of treating hives in small chil
dren has been materially benefited
thereby.
"I myself, Larry, am a great lover
of our dumb animal friends, such as
the night-blooming tomlawsoncat, the
talking poll parrot, the early rising
hound pup, the non-extingulshable
canary bird, and the gentle guinea pig
no, I'd cut out the guinea pig, be
cause he's not as dumb as the others
I've named, although quite dumb at
times when you try to teach him a few
graceful and sprightly tricks. I re
gret It deeply when In the interests
of research, the operating table claims
a worthy Belgian hare that ishe sole
support of a large and growing fam
are free to roam, so widely and mingle
with other fish to such an extent that it
Isj almost impossible - to separate the re
sults of artificial propagation from those
due to natural reproduction. Indeed, so
little conclusive evidence can be adduced
in support of marine fish culture that
many persons are entirely sceptical as to
Its benefits.
As already stated, the Bureau of Fish
eries has proceeded on the hypothesis that
the effects of man's Improvidence with re
gard to the shore-inhabiting species can
be counteracted by sufficiently extensive
artificial measures; and it has had ample
justification for a continuance of Its ope
rations In the widespread popularity of
the work and in the vast amount of un
solicited testimony received in the last 20
years, showing t he apparent increase in
the abundance of the species handled at
the hatcheries.
Tt was- about 1SS9, some 10 or 12 years
after cod cultlva tlon was systematica Hy
begun, that the first resnjlts began to be
manifested. Schools of small fish, of
marketable size, appeared on Inshore
grounds that either had never before had
runs of cod, so far as known, or had been
visited by only limited numbers of such
fish. Careful observations conducted by
the bureau had traced the annual growth
of the artificially hatched fry In the
coastwise water, and had left little doubt
that the Immense bodies of cod that had
recently appeared were the direct out
come of ther hatchery work. The fisher
men were quick to take advantage of the
new run of fish, and it was estimated that
in 1S89 the fishermen of Southern New
England'had caught cod to the value of
$aS0.o0ii on grounds where regular od fish
ing had never before been profitable. The
abundance of the so-called "hatchery
cod" in the Inshore bays and sounds has
continued without interruption, and a
definite nhery has been established.
Furthermore, a most lucrative sma-U-boat
fishery has been built up on the shores of
New York and New Jersey,
The downward trend of the lobster fish
ery had, up to a year or two ago, been
apparently uninfluenced by the annual
planting of large numbers of lobster fry;
but there is now considerable evidence
that the increasing output of the hatch
eries is bearing fruit. Fshermen are re
porting more undersized lobsters than
they liava seen In many years, and In va
rious places where fishing has been aban
doned, because it did not pay, the fisher
men are now making good catches. It is
difficult to understand how the annual
planting of the progeny of 30,000 to 30.000
lobsters can fall to Influence the available
supply for the market, even if only one
lobster fry in each hundred planted
reaches maturity: and the bureau has oc
casion to feel gratified that the decline
has now been positively arrested in locali
ties where large numbers of fry have
been deposited for a series of years, and
where fhere was absolutely no reason
to look for any betterment, if nature had
remained unaided.
Let Him Know It.
Cleveland Plalp Dealer.
When a fellow pleases you
Iet him know it;
It's a simple thins to do
1jt him know It;
Can't you give thf scheme a trial?
It is sure to brin a smile
And that makes it worth the while
l.et him know it.
Tou are Dleased when any one .
Lets you know it.
When th man who thinks "Well done'
Lets you know It.
For It gives you added zest
To brins out your very best
Just b-eause some mortal blest
Lets you know it.
When a fellow pleases you
I-et him know it;
Why. 1; l?n't much to do
Let him know it:
It will help him tn the fray.
And he'll think his efforts pay;
1 you like h'fi work or way.
Let him know it.
JIZ2VD -HEARTED SZL7Z7ILLY'
WZTIA. ZINE 0FZTQVID G-00I5 .
ily of little Belgian heirs and heir
esses. I deplore the frequent sacri
fices of white rats with pink eyes and
poor circulation in their cute little
tails; but just between you and me,
Larry, I'd rather any rabbit I ever
knew should have Asiatic cholera
twice than that I should have it once.
"And, anyway, we've got to admit
that medical science has made great
strides during the last century. It
hasn't been such a great many years
since a surgeon used to break into a
patient, the same way the Red Leary
O'Brien gang broke into a safe. If
the lord of the manor was aroused by
a knock at the door, and found a.
husky party standing on the doorstep
with a pot of glue in one hand and a
crosscut saw under his arm, he didn't
know whether the gentle stranger had
come to mend the drain or take off
the cook's leg. Fifty years ago when
a citizen got the smallpox it was a
signal for his relatives to pick out the
pallbearers and hold family prayers
but not on the same premises. If a
man had it, and by any accident got
well, he went around the rest of his
life with his face looking like an oys
ter plate.
"Jf a pioneer had a touch of fever,
the doctor arrived toting a crock of
Stories Told of Prominent Men
The Naive Uuke.
KB late Br. William M. Stonehill,'
said a college settlement worker
of New York, "was called tho Bishop of
the Bowery. It was a title of affection.
The Bowery loved this good man.
"He sometimes used to laugh over the
naivete of his Bowery audiences. He
used to say that in their frequent audible
comments on bis sermons they reminded
him of the fanrTous Duke of Cambridge
thft old Duke, you know.
"From his great pew the Duke rumbled
out all sorts of remarks and criticisms
every Sunday morning. 'It would be,
said Dr.Stonebili, 'something like this:
"Preacher Iet us pray.
"Duke By all means.
"Preacher prays for rain.
"Duke No good In that so long as the
wind is in the east.
"Preacher (reading) Zaccheus stood
forth and said, 'Behold, Iord, the half
of my lands I give to the poor
"Duke Too much. Don't mind sub
scribing, but can't stand that.
"Preacher quotes a certain command
ment. "Duke Quite right, quite right; but
very difficult sometimes.
"Preacher quotes another command
ment which need not be indicated.
"Duke No, no! It was my brother
Ernest did that." '
Rather a Misnomer.
Mrs. Patrick Campbell, the talented
English aetreps. said the other day of
an English critic whose methods she
dislikes:
"The man is not a critic at all. He
has not enough intelligence to be a critic.
In fact, he belles his name like like "
She smiled.
"An incident will supply my simile,"
she said.
"On one of my voyages to the States
the weather was extremely rough. As
I lay in my berth my luggage and the
fittings of my stateroom were flung
about horribly. All of a sudden there
came an extra heavy lurch, and some
thing struck me on the head.
"I was stunned. The blow had been
severe. When I recovered my . senses
and looked to see what had so nearly
done for me. I beheld an admirable con
trivance marked. In great black letters,
'Live-Saving Apparatus. "
Going Up.
Miss E. L. Todd, the talented young
New York woman who, having invented
an aeroplane, has abandoned the type
writing business and begun the formation
of an aeroplane-building company, was
congratulated the other day . on her
changed circumstances.
"It Is rather a rise, isn't it?" she said.
"Something like the raise of a lawyer I
once knew.
" I don't see young Iawyer Browne
at all any more, said a lady at a tea.
'He has quite droped out of our set."
" 'Lawyer Browne tells a different story
himself.' said a second lady.
" 'Indeed? What does he say?
" 'He says he has climbed out of it '
On 3farrlaffe.
Mark Twain at the remarkably beauti
ful dinner that Robert Collier gave at
Sherry's, in New York last month, sat
beside Miss Ethel Barry more.
Mies Barrymore, the story goes, talked
to the great humorist about marriage.
She spoke of the odd views on marriage
that are held by H. G. Wells, by Ocorge
.Moore, by George Meredith and by Mr.
white powder and gave him half a
pound of It on the end of a knife, and
kept the rest of it to make the death
mask with. Or if the suffererresided
In the backwoods, there was always
si. me klndhearted elderly lady in the
neighborhood who turned up with a
line of liquid goods that she'd brewed
out of sassafras root and poison ivy
and oak galls, and ofher delightful
medicinal products of the field and the
forest. She wrapped the invalid up in
buffalo robes, and dehiged his interior
with a gourdful of this pleasing mix
ture every fifteen minutes, and sweat
ed the impurities through his hide
until he was as open-pored as a piece
of tripe. No wonder so many of our
ancestors had floating kidneys. If a
kidney couldn't float, it drowned.
"I came along at a comparatively
recent period during the vogue of the
brunette pill that was the size of a
California plum, but not so tasty. In
my happy childhood if I carelessly
sniffled in the home circle I was
rubbed with mutton suet and asafoe
tida in equal parts, only the asafoetida
attracted the' most attention. It was
very hard for a growing boy to be
come unduly conceited and think too
much of himself when he had been
freely anointed with mutton suet and
Ilowells. who is continually saying that
passionate love soon dies.
"What is your idea of marriage?" she
.Fked the humorist.
"Let me repeat to you." he replied, "a
remark that I heard a Hartford man
once make.
"It was at the marriage of this man's
daughter. AH was over, and the young
eoupln were about to. start on their
honeymoon.
"The man. as he bade his new son-in-law
good -by, shook him by the hand and
said huskily-;
" 'It's 25 years since T was fixed up.
Bill, my boy, and I trust you'll well, of
course. the rough goes with the
smooth. '
The Krror.
Senator Depew, at a reception in
Washington, was discussing an error
that had been made in the first arrange
ments of the New York-Paris automobile
race.
"The error was ultimately corrected,"
be said "and while it lasted it did no
harm, any way. It was funny, though.
It was like an error that once occurred
on the New York Central.
"It seems that at a small station a
ticket agent had run short of tickets,
and was obliged to give a party of fish
ermen halves instead of wholes. Full
fare was paid for these half tickets, and
the agent went out on the platform
when the train stopped and explained
the matter to the conductor, so that
everything should be all right.
"The conductor had almost forgotten
this occurrence when, some 10 miles fur
ther on, the tront hrakeman came to him
and said, In a tone of bitter disgust:
" This here half-faro dodge is gettin'
a little too hot for me, boss. Why, theres
a buncli of children up in the smoker
what plays poker, drinks whisky and
wears whiskers. "
Sauce for the Gander.
"We should give these men the
treatment they give us," said Mrs.
Boorman Wells, thoEnglish Suffragist,
at a ladies' luncheon at the Plaza.
"I know a woman' In Park Lane
whose husband used to stay out contin
ually till 4 or 5 o'clock in the morn
ing. "She cured him.
"The last time he came home at
dawn he found her. in a low-cut din
ner gown, yawning over a novel and
a c.up of tea.
"'I didn't er suppose you d sit up
for me, dear,' he said.
"'Oh, said she, 'I haven't been sit
ting up for you, darling. I've Just
come In myself.' "
In Praise of Pajamas.
Eddie Foy, the comedian, at a theatri
cal supper in New York, made a funrry
speech in praise of pajamas.
"Always wear pajamas." he began.
"Never wear a nightshirt. I have never
worn nightshirts since I heard the hor
rible experience that Fritz Sausage, a
German waiter of Chicago, hau with tae
pesky things.
"Frite Sausage used to come home
every evening from the cafe with his
pockets full of dimes and quarters his
day's tips, you know. His wife, after
he had fallen asleep, would get up and
raid that silver mine. Fritz said noth
ing though he thought it was an unkind
thing for her to do.
"At last he decided he wouldn't stand
those nocturnal raids any longer. So.
the next night, he came home, he waited
till his wife was asleep and then he got
asafuetida and then taken into a warm
room.
"It's only been a few years since we
had the appendicitis era. It was what
you might call the open season on pa
tients. A stitch In the side meant nine
In tlfe hide. During that gladsome
era every other person you met had a
date up at the hospital tomorrow 'af
ternoon at 3 o'clock. He'd go up and
they'd Invade him, and the next day
he'd go home, proud and happy, with
his 'appendix In a bottle of alcohol If
he was of a saving and frugal disposi
tion, or leave it behind with 9000 oth
ers Just like It, if he was of a care
free, generous nature. Nowadays'when
a man thinks he has appendicitis his
family doctor tells him to chew his
hard-boiled eggs before swallowing
them, and lets it go at that.
"Thus we see, Larry, how the pro
fession has progressed onward and up
ward that Is, the doctors have pro
gressed onward, and many of the pa
tients have progressed upward until
now almost any one of us is able to
die of a great number o' 'new and at
tractive diseases which were totally
unknown to our grandfathers. M'hat's
more, if you only look for him, you
tan always find a doctor that'll agree
with you that you've got whatever it
Is you want lo have. One doctor says
you eat too much and ought to Jive on
chopped hay and proteid nuts a few
years. Well, you start in to do it, but
after two or three weeks you begin
to get a little snappish and you
can't pass a nice, clean llltie fat
boy without having a longing to bite
into him. Sio you go to some other
doctor around the corner from the
first one, and he asks you what you've
been doing to yourself, and you tell
him, and he says, merciful heavens,
far be It from him to knock a brother
practitioner, because it's not goixl eth
ics, and besicjos it's unnecessary; but,
good gracious, it's a good thing you
came to him before you were past
traveling, and he writes you out a
prescription calling for a club steak
six Inches tall and half a bushel of
baked potatoes.
"If you desire a trip, there's always
a doctor who's got a brother that is a
traveling passenger agent. If you've
been drinking too much, you can find
a specaillst who knows you ought to
do the Rebecca-at-the-well act, just
as soon as you tell him, so, and when
you want to resume liquidation it
won't take you Five minutes to get in
touch with a medical expert that will
treat you and then stay right there,
with his foot on the rail and let you
treat him."
"I kin remember.' said the House
Deetctive, "when the doctors used tu
be mighty handy with their lancets.
They don't bleed the patients any
more, do they?"
"Oh, yes, indeed." said the Hotel
Clerk, "but not with a lancet."
up out of bed, took all the silver from
his jiotrkcts, climbed gack under the
sheeU again and very quietly tied the
money up in a corner of his nightshirt.
"Then he smued to himself. He
couldn't hHp thinking how disappointed
his wife would be when she tiptoed
across the dark room in the cold and
went through his pockets and found
nothing.
"He fell asleep as happy as a child.
He awoke, in broad daylight. His wife
was bending over him tenderly.
" 'Oh. Fritz,' she said, 'thank you for
the present.
"'What present? said be.
" 'Why. said his wife, 'all that money
tied In my nightie. "
The BIclitz Ghost.
"Your place, sir, will never be filled."
a reporter sa Id to Heinrlch Conreld,
the retiring director of the Metropoli
tan Opera-House, of New York.
Mr. Conreld shook his head and
smiled.
"There was a ghost." he said, "a
ghost In Blelltz. by native Bielits. I
will tell you of him.
"The ghost haunted the Inn. No
body minded htm. for in Silesia he was
well known; but an Englishman
stopped at the inn one night In the
season, and to him the ghost had not
been explained.
"So the nxt morning the English
man came down to his breakfast pale,
bloodshot tnd irritable.
"'Landlord.' he safd, 'tell me, is not
my room haunted ?'
"'Why. yes.' said the landlord.
'Didn't you know?'
"'Of course T did not know! What
do you mean, sir, by putting me In a
haunted room?' the EngllHhman
stormed.
"'But the old fellow Is quite harm
less, said the landlord reassuringly.
"'The old fellow?'
"'Yes, said the landlord. 4Tbe
ghost. The old fellow who built up
the business. He built it up. you know,
and died, and now he can't 'rest easy
because it goes on as well as ever It
did without him.' "
A Prophery.
It was 'a nleasant day in J tin p.
And Rreat was the convention
The sun wa ridint hJah at noon.
And the land was nil attention.
"Alabama!" called the clerk.
.nri thc ofTIre crowd went 'daft
When a t 5. marshal showed hi. head
Out in the septhfn? man and said.
'Count '22 for Taft!'fc
The Cannon mn turn pale as chot.
And tho Hugh's rrrnn gulped for breath
The man for Fairbanks buns to posts
Ap colorless as death.
"Arkansas." the clerk exclaimed.
And the hall hook fore and aft
Whrn a prv potmastr, lilte of hair.
Bopped to the pnaln dck of his chair.
And cried. "Kichteen for Taft!"
The Fairbanks men exuded groans.
And the Cannon mn shed tars
And tbr; Hughes men uttered none fcuf
moans
That once had uttered cheer.
"California !' boomed the clerk.
And the whole convention laughed
When a revenue collector rose
And shrilly whistled through his nose,
"Count 20 more for Taft!"
The Hughes men looked at the Cannon mea
And the Fairbanks men. from prayers
And grieving, joiucd the others when
They pulled their Teddy Bear?.
And (hey all rushed up on the platforir
high.
As men who had made ready
And when the din and the tumult died.
And the dust had settled some Inside.
The candidate was Teddr.
fit. L.outi I03t-lHptch.