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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 16, 1908)
THE SUNDAY OltEGOXTAX, PORTLAND, FEBRUARY '16. 1908. 0 TitTwi ftteiftiii rfiperitt" BY JIM NASI I'M. BEFORE s"l"'S any further it may le will to advise the reader that this may or may not be a humor ous sfory. It all depends upon the point of view. I myself would call it a com pound double-jointed production, posses sing at once the necessary internal ma chinery, cast of characters and scenic ac cessories for a farce comedy, a trageuy, a musical extravaganza, a tear-stained melodrama, a vaudeville skit and a three ringed circus. It may be all or any one of these, according to the pitch at which the heart strings of the reader are tuned. As to my own view Jn the mat V I am unable to go into definite de tails, owing to the fact that this copy or its reproduction may fall into, the hands of my wife and cause serious complica- tions. I admit that every production should bo advertised in advance in its true vein, and that It isn't altogether the proper thing to stack a person up against any sort of a production without letting him know whether he is going to wade through tears or smiles or just a patent medicine ad. But I am not going to take any chances by classifying this little ef fusion and then have some big husky fellow. Who has outgrown my class en tirely and couldn't make my weight if he cut off both legs, come into the of fice and call me a liar. And I am not going to take any chances o internal dissensions at my own fireside either. Not by a long shot. I would, therefore, advise- readers not to open up their tear ducts or their foun tain of risibilities too early in the game, as they may be disappointed later on to find that they have mistaken the true class of the production, and the author's object would be defeated. It is terribly discouraging to a struggling author, and apt to blast his future prospects, to have his readers weeping with an exceeding irrcat weep when they ought to be split ting their sides with mirth, and vice versa, whatever that is. I would also suggest that male readers endeavor to restrain their mirth while reading this in the presence of their wives, if they have ono or more, as it may result in a frac tured rib or a dislocated eyebrow. As an excuse for consider. ng myself competent to discu.ss this much-mooted question, I wish to offer that I have lived on both sides of the fence and kept my eve peeled, and' should there fore know something about what Is doing In the yard and out in the alley. Now. if I had been married all my life and 'never l)cen single, it would be different. I would never have written this, and the road to matrimony would have been minus a very important sign post. Be sides, this being' leap year, some note of warning should be sent out and a cloak or protection, as it were, thrown about the shoulders of the marriageable young men of the country In view of the added dangers from ambitious females. As I am getting space rates for this truck, and it may mean a new Winter bonnet at the mark-down sales for my wife to wear through the Summer. I feel that she will forgive me for laying bare the family skeleton and scraping off the pol ish which we have always worn publicly on our connubial bliss. But. anyways, I would gladly, yes, even hilariously, brave the dangers of spontaneous combustion In my own household in the Interest of my fellow man. I am very self-sacrificing In this way. With Klla Wheeler Wilcox, Laura Jean Lihbey, Dorothy Dix, Lydia Pink ham and all the rest of the feminine geniuses championing the cause of woman and spreading before the world the Inequality fit man, we men need a Preferential Plan Choosing Candidates How tljc System Could Be Applied to Primary Elections to Eliminate a Minority Choice. BT H. DENLTXGER. IT HAS been demonstrated In elec tions held under the direct primary law, where numerous candidates are seeking the same nomination, that the successful candidate Is as likely as not to be the most generally unpopular choice that could be made. It only takes a plurality to nominate and a plurality may be far less than a ma jortty. In Seattle today there are nino candidates for Mayor at the Repub lican primaries. There are something like 14.000 Republican voters and it Is said that It wilt take but 3000 to nominate. It is, then, possible for 3000 voters at the Republican primaries, led tinder some special interest (as the gambling Interest for Instance) to nominate the candidate for the whole party. Then, if at election time tlo party is loyal to its nomination, and he Is able to secure a plurality at the general election '(with four parties In the field) we might witness the elec tion of a Mayor who would bo the real choice of not more than 15 per cent of tho voters of the city. It certainly looks as if there was something radically wrong about such a method of conducting elections, and It Is small wonder that large numbers refuse to support the nominations. But the convention system is no bet ter. The history of the Republican party in this State shows this. A con vention is necessarily controlled by a small body of voters, too. Nominations from a convention will generally be controlled by a machine or boss, and many aspiring candidates are shut out. While under the present system, it is possiblo for a small minority to nom inate a generally undesirable candi date, under the. convention system a political boss or machine would do the same thing, and the resulting "bolt" and dissatisfaction would be just as apparent as it Is now. A notable ex ample of the way this works may be recalled In the nomination of Thomas Tongue for Congress in the Second district- of this State some years ago. Many Republicans refused to support hiin absolutely and stayed at home, with the result that he was elected by only 50 plurality, with two other strong candidates in the field. He was the real choice of probably not more than 20 per cent of the voters. The primary law as It now stands may cause some breaking in party ranks, but is certainly more satisfac tory than the old convention system, because it takes it out of the, power of a convention machine or boss to control nominations. In other words, the nominations now come from a wider area than from the old conven tion system, and to that extent It is a decided improvement. The obvious remedy to prevent minority nominations and t"he conse auent lll-foeltng and factions in polit ical parties. Is to widen the area of in dorsement which a candidate must re ceive from his party before he can be nominated. Nothing less than an ac tual majority indorsement should be required. But hov is It possible to st cure a majority indorsement for any candidate, where so many are running for the same office, thus splitting up the vote? Were it possible for us to conceive of all the voters of a party assembling together at ono time and place to champion. For ages songs and poems have been written in praise of "Moth er," "The Girl You Love" and every thing conceivable in the feminine form, but every, time anything Is written about Father it is somelike like "Everybody Works but Father," "Fath er, Dear Father, Come Home With Me Now," or some thing to show that Father Is a booze holster and a gam bler, neglecting his starving children and mistreating his patient and loving wife. No lyrics or touching apostrophes are written about Father till after he dies, and then nobody believes them. Let. us get together, men, and stand up for our rights. We, too. must have our champions. Literary champions, yes, but what we need most Is a champion like John L. Sullivan was. A champion who can teach us how to duck a swing CLOma-TRLL. from a stove lid and counter with a majolica jardiniere. Jf mothers only knew -how the con fiding and trustful natures of their sons are being imposed upon by remorseless and stronger-minded females, if they only fully realized that many of these tenderly reared sons leave their mater nal protectorate and the pie and cake supplied by a loving father to go out Into the world and cleave to a woman who, after she has won his confidence, absolutely refuses to support him and causes him to' weep out his young life In a home of want and neglect at a time when washwomen and laundry hands are in such great demand, and there Is no excuse for- it. If mothers only realized this I'm sure we would have their able assistance In this grand movement for the emancipation of man. It Isn't given to every man thrown upon his own resources thus to become a newspaper humorist and amass un told wealth. Some are compelled to eke out a mere livelihood as trust mag n ales and be assailed In scathing tones make nominations, successive ballot ings might then be taken upon the can didates for each office, and by throw ing out the candidates receiving the lowest number of votes after each bal loting, a majority nomination' for some onoof them might at length be ob tained. But such a method of securing majority nominations is neither prac tical nor necessary. The same result can be brought about under our di-r rect primary system as now used, but the law must be modified so that the voter can select from among all can didates listed on the ballot for a given office, not only his first choice, but also his second and third, or additional choices. That is to say: -Suppose A, B. C and D are c andidates for the United States Senate. John Smith goes to the primaries and finds their names duly listed on the . ballot His first preference is B; his second preference, A; while D is a candidate he has no use for and would not vote for under any circumstances. His ballot nom ination of a United States Senator will then appear about thus: Importation of Laborers From Asia Oregon Wants No Japanese and Chinese for AVork in Orchards or Elsewhere. BT K. P. CARTER. 1HAVE just finished reading an article in The Orcgonian from Mr. Lowns dale, headed, "Asiatics as Labor ers; Necessary for Farm and Fruit In dustry." A few days ago I had the pleasure of attending a meeting of the Horticultural Society at Oregon City, at which Mr. Lownsdale gave us a very Interesting and instructive talk on horticultural subjects,- and I cannot help regretting that he has seen fit to leave that subject, on wjiich he is so well qualified to speak, to take up the subject of Chinese and Japanese immigration, on which he Is not qualified to speak. But as Mr. Lownsdale so emphatically declares in regard to cutting down the old orchards, "the time for discussing the desirability of such Immigration has long since passed by." The question has been argued from every point 6f view, and the people of this whole Pacific Coast have decided that such Immigra tion is very undesirable. But Mr. Lownsdale makes the asser tion that the farmers as a class desire Asiatic cheap labor. I think if Mr. Lownsdale had put that question to a vote at the Oregon City meeting, or at any of his meetings, among the small farmers, he will be very quickly undeceived. He also assumes that the farmers are all opposed to labor unions. Here, again, I think he is mistaken. The farmer is opposed to the extremes to which labor unions sometimes go. but he recognizes the right of the laboring man to organ ize for his protection just the same as the fruitman has the right to organize for his protection and to enhance the value of the fruit .which the laboring man must buy. Mr. Lownsdale says "We who have put our whole fortune into the apple busi ness are not going to see that fortune destroyed by the neglect of tho careless farmer to clean up his trees." Wedded Bliss Against Single Blessedness by the press and politicians of the land, and it Is upon this poorer and weaker class of men that the domination . (I didn't say damnation) of woman falls the hardest." Think of how hard It must be for some of these young men who are sent to college by loving parents and educated for an ornament to lend that chaste appearance to the parlor that a May Howard poster would, to be suddenly placed in a position where he has. to drift out into the cold, cruel world and rustle up provender and silk petticoats for a woman who refuses to BEAST1. take in. washing. I,et us stand togeth er, men, and crush this terrible foe that Is blighting our young lives. It Is not to the man of a family, the breadwinner, who forks over his hard earned dough in exchange for the hard to digest dough" that his .wife turns out. It is not to him that I send out these clarion notes of warning and ap peal as much as to the man of single blessedness who has known not the pleasures of arising in the stilly night to tie a knot In a colicy infant and getting his feet tangled In a corset, with outgrowing steels, who- does not know the delights of combing his thin locks in the mornLng with a brush full of long silken hairs, which tickle your face and become entwined around your eye teeth, the man who has never ex perienced the delightful surprise of creeping upstairs on all fours at 2 A. M. and bumping into an angelic form in negligee and kid curlers on the top landing, who jiu jitsu's him into a tan gled mass under the clothes tree and gouges out his eyes with a curling Iron. FOR UNITED STATES SENATOR. Choice. Names. lst2d;3d I A- IA IB Showing his choice of these candi dates in succession, the columns at the left indicating first, second and third choice. . All other voters at the primaries will ex press their preference in the same way. When it comes to making the count the first choice preferences are added to gether from all the ballots and if any candidate. has received a majority on this count, he will be elected. If. however, the vote Is scattered among the candi dates so that none receive a first choice majority, then the candidates who have received the low number of votes on the first choice are out of the race and the ballots which have been cast for them as first choice are "counted over again on their second choice. The'se totals are then added to the first choice votes of candidates who have not been cast out. If any have voted as their second choice Now right here is the nub to the whole .situation. Mr. Lownsdale has an orchard of something over 300 acres and must employ a large amount of labor to care for that orchard, thereby making his liv ing and large profits on his investments out of other men's labor; therefore, being unwilling to pay the price of labor among the people of his own state, he cries for Asiatic cheap labor. Another man has his whole fortune in vested in an orchard of five or ten acres and by his own labor and his family makes a good living out of his little farm. According to Mr. Lownsdale him self, it can easily be done. Now which is of tile most benefit to Iys country? The man of ten acres, doing his own work, or Mr. Lownsdale with a horde of Asiatic cheap labor doing his work, while Mr. Lownsdale puts in his time organizing the men engaged in his business to increase the value of his apples, which the laborer must buy or go without, and I suppose in the intervals put in the rest of his time talking for a protective tariff to protect the poor laboring man. What an incongruity, a protective tariff to protect the laboring man and Asiatic cheap labor! Let us carry the analogy a little farther. The labor union man has his whole fortune invested in his kit of car penter tools or his pick and shovel and his brawny arms, and like Mr. Lowns dale, declines to allow his fortune to be Jeopardized by the importation of Asiatic cheap labor, and Insists upon the right to organize his business for his protection, just the same as Mr. Lownsdale does his. I think I can see the look of surprise upon the handsome face of Mr. Lowns dale at the idea of the poor devil with nothing but his horny hands, being placed on the same level with the same right to protection of liis rights as Mr. Lownsdale with his 300 acres of apple orchard worth many -thousands of dollars. But I thank God that the man with nothing but his hands and the farmer with only his little farm of five or ten acres has Just as much right to pro y Yea It is the young man who is star- 1 ing the great future in the face' and wots not what la in store for him to whoni I appeal. The poor, misguided youth, who thinks that ithe garden of love is a peach- orchard: instead of a quince patch. Would that I had a pen of fire with which to write in words of living light the ignominy and degrada tion, and a lot of other things that I can't think of just now, that Is visited upon my sex. In this glad leap year the handsome young men of the community take extra precautions for their self protection. Young men between the ages of 16 .and 60 should never go out alone and un armed, and when a person of the oppo site sex approaches the dead line In their conversation they should aim to plant their bullet between the sixth and sev enth rib on the .port side. Handsome and graceful young men like myself are in hourly danger. I have often wistied that I ha-d been born with less physical beauty, and am frequently tempted to take a curry comb or an old rasp and disfigure my features. But my naturally attractive nature and grace of manner would still remain, so that it would probably be useless .to do this. The young man of today does not suf ficiently appreciate the dangers of his physical beauty. In place of this, from the time he glides into his first pair of long troupers he beats a- trail to the drug store to buy pimple lotions and hair bleach, and like the foolish moth,, goes around looking for a flame to fly" Into and get his wings burnt. These young men need education along the proper lines, and were it - not for the over powering influence of my wife I would throw myself -into the breach and go out into the world to take up the. burden. I would give these unsophisticated young men some inside facts concerning wedded bliss. I would tear the cloak of romance from the matrimonial" ques tion, and leave the poor shivering form bared to the eyed of the world, that all might see the- -pad a and plumpers with which It makes itself appear attractive. Not .that I think this educational course would decrease the number of matri monial ventures not by a -long shot. But I would prepare the young man for the future so that he would be able to cope with the exigencies of the case when they arose. I would show him that wedded bliss Is not a game of solitaire, and that when any player Insists on holding all the cards and taking all the tricks it puts the game on the bum. Yes slrree. I would throw the broad light of publicity Into wedded bliss and show the youth of our great country what they are up against. Not in the hope of discouraging them from malting the venture, but so that they would know what to expect and not be caught out of form. I would teach them to ap preciate the advantage and great help that It is when you are writing literary masterpieces and gems of thought that are destined to sot the world agog and be handed down to posterity as ex amples of the work of the great mas ters of literature, to have an Infant prodigy playing the piano on the keys- of your typewriter, which you don't hap pen to be using just at the time, and singing "Won't You Come Over to My House," while another plays horsey on the bank of your neck and uses the only tuft of hair left Intact on your shining dome for a bridle, and your, wife sits in a willow rocker and reads you ex for a candidate who has been cast out as a, low man. their third choice is then counted. This process of successively eliminating the low candidates and count ing their ballots over again in the second or succeeding choice and adding these results to the totals of the remaining candidates, may be repe'ated until some one has received a majority indorsement of all the voters voting at the primaries. By this means the most generally popular candidate -will always be nominated. It would absolutely shut out minority rule. No longer would it be possible for some undesirable candidate to "force his nomi nation on a party. This is so for the reason that such a candidate, although he might have a strong personal following to give him a large first choice indorse ment, would never be able to secure from the voters enough general Indorsement to give him the majority necessary for the nomination. Such an amendment to the direct pri mary law as is here outlined will do more to stoi factional strife and bring ordet out of chaos n our political parties than any other measure that could be adopted, and It is a plan which ought to commend itself to the general voters when once un derstood, because of its simplicity. Tnis plan of voting has often been used in th election of officers to big conventions anc has been found to work with entire satis faction. tection as Mr. Lownsdale with his 300, but he don't always get It. If Mr. Lownsdale cannot manage his three hundred acres without "Asiatic" cheap labor, let him divide it up into thirty or forty small orchards and sell them to some good, Industrious Ameri can citizens, and then, Instead of one man bossing a whole gang of Asiatic cheap laborers, we will have thirty or forty industrious citizens rearing fami lies, paying taxes, making schools and roads, and benefiting the country a hundred times more than Mr. Lowns dale. Mr. Lownsdale says Asiatic labor will not compete with white labor. Let him tell that to the hundreds of men who have been displaced on our railroads, among market gardeners. In almost every industry, by Chinese and Jap anese. What is that colony of Japanese who have rented 1000 acres of land on Pu get Sound going to do with It? Now, If Mr. Lownsdale wants to find out the temper of the people of Oregon, let him run for some State office and advocate the free Importation of Asi atic cheap labor. But, says Mr. Lownsdale, I only advocate a re stricted immigration. I suppose that means a restriction imposed by such men as Mr. Lownsdale, who want to hire the cheap labor, which sounds about like a revision of the tariff by the friends of the tariff. But possibly, and I think from the reading of his letter probably Mr. Lownsdale will think that the Idea of putting opinions and interests of the poor fellow with nothing but his hands against that or the man with three hundred acres of apple "orchard is preposterous. ( Well, perhaps It is. but such Is the spirit of our institutions, and thanks to. President Roosevelt, we are liable to get a little nearer to that condition in fact than ever before, even If we do have to 'approach It through the Influ ence of the much-maligned dema gogue Gladstone, Or. tracts from the Thaw trial. I would teach these inexperienced youths to enjoy the comforts of a home, and to know that "it isn't all of life to have lived." It is sometimes much bet ter to have died. I would teach them to enjoy the various little duties which VEUUVHAT DOYOtf THINK OFTHlSsDEARt COLUMHV) AfiBEAT-HELP TOITINfj-UTERAK HArTERPlELCEc)- GEM? OF'THOUGHT- your wife finds for you to do about the house after you get homo from your day of pleasure wrestling with the busi ness world and to appreciate her in genuity In this respect Wedded bliss all depends upon the way you look at the different little details connected with married life. - The man with a keen sense of the humorous 'will extract a great deal of pleasure from a matrimon ial venture. If your wife deems It necessary to have you move the children's bed from the second floor to the mansard play room every morning, and move it back v Is All Mankind the Child 3Iodern-Day Inquiry Into I'wssession of "Land Which the lord, BT J. L. JONES. HONOR thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long in the land which the Lord, thy God, glveth thee." This means .to get in har mony with the laws of God and nature. God is father; nature is mother. The religion of God is the higher law, the absolute truth, and relates to the immor tals. The religion of nature has to do with the development of the mortal race. It includes the laws of health and re production. The reader must note especially the distinction between mortals and Im mortals for this is the key to many ap parent contentions that confuse the Bible student. Mortals are those who are sub ject to death. Immortals are those, who have overcome death. These have not yet made their appearance on the stage. All people are in a limited sense the children of God and as such have certain Inalienable rights. But in another and more literal sense they are the children of the devil. They are under the do minion of the devil as long as they are in the mortal state. God is the god of the living, which means the immortals. The devil is the ruler of the dead. Mortal men are dead already. The Immortals, those who have attained to absolute life, are- the only actual children of Gdd. They are gods in full commission. But even the children of the devil have rights. They have the right of progress, to -turn from their errors and iniquities and ascend in the scale of being. Christ spoke to the Immortals as the children of light and the children of the king dom, while the mortals are called the children of this world, the children of darkness and the children of the devil. Like the black slaves these have the right to escape from their bondage, to run away from their masters, to gain their freedom. When the devil led Jesus up to the top of a high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and offered to give them to him under certain con ditions, he was able to make good his promise. The deeds were there to show. Tiberius (tho brood of the Tiber) was then Emperor of Rome and ruler of the whole known world. Even the devil him self was shamed of this gloomy mon ster and wanted a more desirable per son for the office. Nothing strengthens the supremacy of the devil so effectually as to secure a prudent and respectable person to gov ern his dominions under forma of re ligion and law. This is the surest and safest way to fool the people. The devil understands politics perfectly. He offered Jesus the highest gift in his power, except one. He did not vol unteer to step down and out and sur render the kingdoms to their rightful owner and swear allegiance to him. He wanted Jesus to take office -under him. to take a subordinate position. But Jesus could not consider' such a propo sition. He was the rightful king. He was Dominus, . Iiiord, Master. He intended to win back the kingdom for himself in his own way. ' The climax of the, tragedy Is yet to come. The devil has not yet been dethroned nor deposed from the rulership of the world. The universal prayer, "Thy King dom come" is yet unanswered. We are still under the dominion of his Satanic Majesty and the governments of the world are still the agencies for accom plishing his purposes and keeping the again every -evening, you should not become angry and kick her pet lap dog down the staircase, but you should go about the duty humming a littla love song and extract what pleasure you can from the performance. If she feels inclined to let off a little surplus steam and exercise her vocal organs, telling you what a beast you are for going out to the club and leaving her alone in the house with only six chil dren, three servants, four pomerantan dogs and a canary for company, your part In the wedded bliss game is to en- joy the performance and appreciate her efforts. And if she winds up by kicking yoTt under the bed and stand ing on your wishbone while she chops large, irregular notches in your com plexion with a'bread knife, think only of the pleasure it must afford her and laugh heartily at the picture you must have presented as you turned three complete revolutions in the air and loopod-the-loop around the bedpost. When you hand over your pay en velope on pay day, think of the pleas ure and comforts you are getting in return for it. Think of how much bet people in bondage, spiritual and physical. This may seem a strange and blas phemous doctrine to proclaim, but a can did survey of the facts ought to con vince the most skeptical that it is true and that it would be Indeed blasphemy to make God responsible for the disorder and injustice that prevail in- the world. The daily papers are supposed to give a fairly accurate picture of the life of the people. They present a record of murders, robberies, riots, wrecks, suicides. scandals; sales, slaughters and sacrifices. Are these the benedictions of God, or are they the works of the wicked one? The old and true evangelical doctrine was that the sinner must first be con vinced or convicted of sin before he could truly repent. He must become thoroughly disgusted -with his former state and deeply ashamed of himself. So long as people keep glorying in their shame and boasting of their sin, there Is no symptom of repentance. President Roosevelt Is the represen tative of a large class of people who are beginning to realize the difficulty of the situation that confronts the peo ple of this country and of the world. Most of these people still believe that what we need to remedy the evils, the existence- of which can no longer be denied, is the strict enforcement of the laws. This .is right, but what laws are we to enforce? Will the laws of capitalism cure the evils they have created? Will the bark of the dog cure his bite? In fact, it is through the enforcement of the laws of the system that the present state of disorder has been de veloped. The laws of capitalism are in conflict with the laws of God and the rights of humanity. Will capital ism abolish itself? Will the devil re pent and resign and step down and out? The word iniquity means almost the same as inequality (in, not; equus, equal). The-glaring inequality . in the distribution of wealth, which is com ing to be recognized as the main fac tor in the production of crime, is due to iniquitous laws. These laws must be abolished in order to eliminate their effects. We must get back to -first principles, to the true law of the land as Indi cated in the words, "the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." The land Is the gift of God, the patrimony, the inheritance, the estate of all mankind. Gifts must not be sold nor made mer chandise, of. The gifts of God are priceless. The right to this inheritance Is inalienable. That means that it is a fraud to rob anyone of his interest in the gifts of God by any kind of legal sale, barter or trade, and all laws that permit this are invalid and illegal in the light of the higher law, which Is the law of God. The Government cannot convey a valid title to land because it never had any to convey. The only valid title is that based on righteousness, which is right use. The landlord who collects rents does not make right use of the land. He does not use it at all. He merely taxes those who do use it. No landlord has a title to land from God except the one who actually resides on and personally uses the land. Land lords get their title from governments, governments get theirs from the devil. They win their possessions by war. Their titles are written in blood. There Is no divine government on earth. All govern ter it is to get beat up at homo and keep the pleasure all in the family, in stead of going out to the booze joints and letting some total stranger enjoy the swatfest. These little economics in the entertainment line are one of the best features connected with home life. You will find, too, that It is pleas ant to have someone to make up your mind for you on all occasions. Here tofore you have always had to attend to this duty yourself, and it is an aw ful responsibility. Wives are very self sacrificing in this respect, and unhesi tatingly relieve their husbands of the arduous duty of making up their own minds. Many women will make up their husband's minds more cheerfully than they make up the beds. Too many women do not appreciate the fact ' that what my sex wants is love and affection, and consequently this job is too' often turned over to the hired girl. This puts the wedded blifs game on the bum. Any wife who turns this part of her family duties over to the hired girl should be prosecuted, as It puts her husband in a bad light before the world during the divorce proceedings. It wouldn't be so bad if the wives who do this didn't usually Insist on hiring the ugliest-looking slob of a girl who presents herself for the Job. and then it is an awful handi cap, too. for a husband to be compelled to learn tle ropes of making love in Polish or Afghanistan, or some other foreign lingo, and it is apt to embar rass him somewhat to have his wife come in to the kitchen and witness his first poor, weak efforts, when he is really doing the best he knows how. But, there's no two ways, about It, a man never knows what true happiness is until he gets married then It is too late. The young man who Is living in single blessedness has all the respon sibility of his own mistakes to shoul der, lie Is denied the pleasure of hav ing a wife to blame his mistakes on. and ' hasn't even the satisfaction of throwing the parlor ornaments at the children when the marketgoes against him. He is placed at a "disadvantage by having to form his own planR, in stead of having an advisory board composed of his wife's relatives to go into executive session and map out the course which he is to steer. Looking backward now, through the vista of the years to the time when I worked In single harness, I can't see how I ever got along at all without the as sistance of this homo cabinet and strategy board. It does seem to mc that a man's future is bound to go to the eternal bow wows, without their able assistance and advice. And the lonely existence of single' blessedness is apt to pall on the man ' who pines for social activity. While be Is compelled to sit in the narrow confines of a two by four room with a few cronies and a scuttle of suds and smoke the pipe of peace, while he spits tobacco juice over the surrounding bric-a-brac in com parative comfort and ease, the married J man can be enjoying the company, of -not i only his wife, but of her mother and j father and all her maiden aunts, who j issue a declaration of war without the formality of an executive session every I time he lights his pipe in the house.1 This serves to prevent ennui, whatever that is. No,, fellows, no more single blessedness for mine. I am of naturally active turn ' of . mind,- and I prefer the excitement and i turmoil of wedded bliss. I prefer to spend ' the evenings standing over my wife with a baseball bat while she spikes an eight by ton patch on the quarterdeck of my office trousers, to roaming the world alone and unattended, with no excite ment to while away the weary hours. of the Devil? Thy God, Givcth Thee.'' ments exist by usurpation, in defiance of devine law, and perpetuate their existence by violation and abrogation of every commandment in the decalogue. But still God is in a certain sense re sponsible for governments, for he makes darknoss and creates evil. As I stated in the opening paragraphs, the mortal man Is actually the child of the devil, but potentially the child of God. While In the mortal state he is under the power of death and hell and his governments and churches and all the. works of his hands are vanity. , But potentially he is a child of God. This word potential is one of the most wonderful words In the language. We come across it first in the grammar as the name of a mood, but we do not un derstand it. All the elements of humon progress are involved in it. It means endowed with power or pos sibility. This endowment is given on cer tain conditions. The gift of God is eternal life. This gift is not to all, but to those who fulfill the requirements, those who honor their father and their mother, who keep the land holy. When Jesus was asked what were the require ments, he said "Keep the Command ments." Now truth is certainlj' more strange and incredible than any fiction, if It is a fact that these ten hackneyed, de spised, and misunderstood old command ments contain the key to deliverance., not only from all the evils of mortal existence and disorders of mortal society, but from mortality itself. It Is not through the labors of legislators or congressmen that the world is going to be redeemed. In fact when we consider the lives they lead in Washington and elsewhere, it would be idle to expect relief through their interposition. But why mix religion with polities? What has religion to do with politics, or God -with government? Why surely noth ing with the khid of polities that prevail and the kind of government we get. This is the point I have been trying to make. Possibly the reader may be able to fol low the argument. If he admits that there is no observable relation between these things then this point is considered carried and becomes a step to another position. Corvallis, Or. Inscrutable. Chicago News. We know well enough why the hen crossed the road. But why Is the fleet going round? We know how tho seed warts adhere to the toad. But why Is the fleet going round? We know- why the leopard wears spots on his hide. We know how the mooa hciags the treacher ous tide. We know why old shoes are burled after a bride , But why Is that fleet going round? We know why the hop-vine twines t'other-eri-to. But why Is that fleet going round ? We know why the sky Is a beautirtil blue. But why Is that fleet going round? We know Just the age or that troublesome Ann. 1 We know how the chicken tribe truly began tWlth egg first or hen first;, but where Im th man Can tell why the fleet's going round? Dip deep In the well at whose bottom Ilea truth And tell why the fleet's going round. Solve every problem of age and of youth, Brit tell why the fleet's going round. I don't care a hoot what Diogenes saw While lugging his Lantern around In his claw -Yet I've seralched my poor head till It's bleeding and raw. But can't tell why Ae fleet's going round!
