The Sunday Oregonian., July 01, 1906, Page 6, Image 6

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THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN, PORTLAND, JULY 1, 1906.
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PORTLAND, SUNDAY, JULY 1, 1906.
THE WAY OF NATURE.
In Nature there Is no such thing as
a final cause. In other words, nothing
is ever done with a purpose or design.
Each event has its consequences, but
Nature is entirely indifferent to them.
They may be beneficial to men and ani
mals, or they may be destructive; it is
all the same, Nature does not care what
happens. It takes no pains to further
good or to hinder evil, valuing one of
them no more than the other. It is
quite as complacent over the San Fran
cisco earthquake as it is over an abun
dant harvest. It produces a pestilence
with the same relish as a rose. As a
matter of fact, it neither knows nor
cares either about causes or conse
quences; but this is not meant as a
complaint or a reproach. It would be
as futile to reproach Nature as any
other machine. The wheels turn, the
knives cut, the teeth, gnaw, with no in
tent either to injure or benefit. This
blind process w hich begins nowhere and
moves to no end we call evolution.
Evolution could not have produced
mind because it never adapts means to
ends. Results flow from the evolution
ary process, but they are not foreseen
and worked out. They happen solely
as unavoidable consequences of what
has gone before. On the other band,
the foremost characteristic of mind is
its intelligence, its invincible tendency
to adapt means to ends and to work out
calculated results. Nature could never
have produced what it does not con
lain, and since it has no power to
adapt means to ends, it could "never
have evolved an agent like the mind,
which has that power. The history of
the world is made up of the Interaction
of these two contradictory factors,
blindly working Nature on the one side
and intelligence on the other. The sum
total of the victories of intelligence over
Nature makes up civilization. To say
that human institutions are products
of evolution is utterly fatuous. They
are the fruits of thought, while evolu
tion is thoughtless.
Civil institutions aim at thrift, while
the processes of Nature are Invariably
wasteful. There is no such thing as
economy outside of the human brain.
Nature's favorite method of reaching
results is by wholesale slaughter. She
kills a hundred animals to produce a
single perfect one. She wastes a mill
Ion seeds to get one that will grow.
How many thousands of salmon fry
perish to one fish that comes to matur
ity? If there were a vestige of intelli
gence in natural processes, some less
wasteful way than this Would be
thought out to get results. If there
were a vestige of pity, some less cruel
way would be found. Any one who will
look at the processes of Nature with an
eye blinded neither by superstition nor
credulity must perceive that, if they
had any moral quality, they would be
stupid and cruel almost beyond belief.
Mercy, gentleness, charity, are inven
tions of the human mind. There is no
trace, no germ, of them to be discov
ered in the external world; nor does it
contain anything Hate morality. The
concept of right and wrong is entirely,
foreign to what goes on In natural pro
cesses. Evolution does a wrongful act
Just as readily as a rightful one;
though, more properly speaking, it does
neither. A machine Is neither moral
nor immoral, and Nature is a machine.
So far as human advancement and
welfare are concerned, the natural way
of doing things Is almost invariably
the wrong way. The first tool that man
ever invented showed him to be a creat
ure radically different from other liv
ing things, for none of the rest makes
use of tools. Nature intended man to
catch his food with his hands and tear
it wilh his teeth. He thwarted this be
nevolent scheme by Inventing weapons
and knives. Nature left him without
other fruits than the scanty and bitter
products of the woods. Thought taught
him to prune and graft. The natural
way of living is to go without clothes,
to enjoy only such shelter as caves and
dens afford and such food as can be ob
tained by hunting without weapons.
Natural conversation consists of howls
and grunts. Natural manners are those
of swine and cattle. Man left solely to
the influence of evolution would have
done as the beasts do. or worse. It is
his intelligence that has elevated him
above them. The legitimate course of
human development is away from Na
ture, not toward it. The normal condi
tion of man is to be at war with Nature
both in himself and in the outer world.
Every step upward in his personality
Is a triumph over some low natural
tendency. Every gain he makes in ag
riculture or transportation is achieved
against the vigilant hostility of a host
of foes. Every social betterment is a
further departure from the state of
Nat ure.
The old economic and political doc
trine of laissez faire held that the laws
of Nature were perfect in their work
ings and should never be interfered
with. Its adoption in manufactories led
to child slavery end starvation wages
for the workingmen. Its application by
the beef trust has led to results which
need not be detailed again. In Industry.
laissez faire, which is Nature, means
pestilence, bestiality and crime. In art
it means tho degenerate productions
of a Zola. In politics it means the
reign of bosses and universal corrup
tion. Americans have applied the prin
ciple that Nature doeth all things well
in their political life with a generous
confidence never before shown In the
hjstory of the world: and w.e are now
learning of the tremendous ruin which
impends over us in consequence. To
return to Nature in social affairs of any
sort is to surrender the high preroga
tive of humanity and step downward
toward the beasts.
The processes of civilization go on
well only under the impulse of perpet
ual thought. These processes are the
highest products of the mind: they are
all contrary and hostile to Nature, and
when left to their own protection they
are as quickly overwhelmed as a clear
ing in a tropical forest. Laissez fatre
means the banishment from the world
of morality, mercj- and justice and the
adoption of Nature's method of system
atic slaughter in place of them. It is
the apotheosis of cruelty, and he is the
real pessimist of our generation who
maintains that the human intelligence
can work out nothing better in the way
of a social scheme.
DIVORCE AND MORALS.
By many divorce is believed to be too
easy; and the fact is cited as proof of
a growing laxity of general morals.
But the tendency of the time is cer
tainly towards increasing facility of di
vorce; whose effect, which has now
been legalized in the greater part of
Europe and America, has been to trans
form, within the area of its actual op
eration, civilized marriage into a casual
bond essentially indistinguishable from
that which formed the basis of what
Morgan, the historian of the Iroquois
Confederacy, has described as belonging
to those savage tribes and to other
Indians of North America. in other
w.ords, "pairing." merely, the connec
tion to continue only a9 convenience
might serve.
The legal forms, the technical proced
ure, the solemn plausibilities of court
and altar, unessential and subsidiary as
they really are, have done good service
in covering the essential object to
which these are but convenient instru
ments; but the whole is undermined by
the growth among us of a sort of eth
ics admitting casual unions and sep
arations of the sexes, under legal sanc
tions, with the same facility and fre
quency, and with as little loss of re
spectability, as is wont to obtain
among uncivilized peoples. It would
doubtless be considered paradoxical to
declare that we had become converts
to Milton's celebrated "Doctrine and
Discipline of Divorce"; but as matter of
fact we have both in practice and in
legislation gone far beyond it. Every
day's newspaper supplies fresh exam
ples. And, with an inconsistency not
unusual in most matters of life, and
blind to the havoc which divorce is
making in the old family system, we
alone apologize for our manners by em
bodying the principles of our fathers
in denunciation of the Mormons.
It is silent movements of this kind
that effect very great, though often un
noticed, changes in the basis of ethics;
and not only in ethics, but in manners
and morals. For the moral conscious
ness of a people is but the reflex of
particular social conditions, and Its
progress always has a history that
needs to be traced. Nor is it, at any
stage of its development, exactly the
same as another moral consciousness,
under other skies, at other latitudes,
in different environments and within
different civilizations. Yet ethical sci
ence is still hampered by the assump
tion that its subject matter can be
found in the moral consciousness of the
individual alone. It belongs to a peo
ple, and may have i.s prophets, who
may or may not be able to save it.
What we are saying here is that this
moral consciousness, on the subject of
divorce and the relations in general of
the sexes, is undergoing great changes
in our own time, with no probability of
arresting them.
CONCERNING WHITE.
What greeting passed between Rich
ard Grant White and his son when they
met on the evergreen shore? Did the
spirit of the great man of letters lead
his offspring around among the shades
w ith pride, introducing him as a worthy
successor to his name and fame on
earth, or did he hide his face with his
wings and slink away to some spot
where he mightdigest his shame in soli
tude? What must have been the salu
tation between such a father and such
a son? What has been lost to the world
by the death of this degenerate heritor
of a famous name? There is one archi
tect less, but architects are plentiful;
and to balance the loss we may remem
ber that there is also one example less
of bestial living ornamented with the
insolent pomp of wealth. Such a life
as White's is a continual defiance of the
moral law. It is a source of poisonous
contagon attracting the young of both
sexes to their destruction. Women be
come the victims of his vices; men, of
his example.
The bestial manner of White's life
cannot be described in decent litera
ture, nor would it be worthy even of
condemnation if It were a solitary In
stance. If there were no other men
like White, one would turn the eyes
away in silent shame from his career
and hasten to forget it: but there are
others, many of them. There is reason
to believe that his career of degenerate
lust is accepted as the fashionable, the
elegant and manly thing among a nu
merous class in high society. To live
apart from his wife, to devote his time
and money to the pursuit of young
girls, to make it his pastime to assault
them when they are stupefied with
drugs, to lead his student son into the
same vile practices, to resort to other
means of vicious pleasure which, among
men of healthy instincts, no matter how-
gross, are nameless and detestable
these are the diversions of the clique of
the idle rich to which White belonged.
Concerning the exposure of their in
famous practices we shall hear again
the plea of besotted cowardice that con
niving silenewere better. It were bet
ter to throw a veil over the cancer and
allow it to gnaw its way from tissue to
tissue in the social body until the vitals
are attacked and death ensues. For
such a doctrine of despair the optimist
has no tolerance. He holds that no evil
is beyond remedy, and the first step
toward remedy is complete exposure.
There is no safety in building on self
deception. However bad the truth may
be." it must first be fully confessed be
fore repentance and reformation are
possible. "Let in the light" is the only
motto that Is absolutely safe in all cir
cumstances under democratic institu
tions. Whatever pertains to their wel
fare the people have a right to know.
Whoever is afraid of knowledge has
something to conceal. Truth is strong
medicine, but it cures all social dis
eases. Our most dangerous quacks are
those who preach concealment and
falsehood. They are Belial's chosen
apostles.
As to the manner of White's taking
off, it Is inexcusable. While we do not
regret his departure, we dislike the way
he went. That the world is the better
for his absence is undeniable, but it is
unfortunate that the law does not offer
some regular method of facilitating the
departure of such creatures. It should
not be left to private initiative. The
exit of Oscar Wilde, whose fame is
somewhat similar to White's, was man
aged better. Two years in jail, followed
by a.deeent funeral, are preferable to
murder if the slaying of a person with
out a vestige of manhood can be called
murder. There are few men, however,
who would not have done Thaw's deed
under the same provocation.
Great results sometimes flow from
small beginnings. The present move
ment of the country toward financial
and political reform began with events
less startling than White's murder.
That regrettable incident may be the
beginning of an impetus toward clean
liness in morals which shall carry the
whole Nation toward better things. It
might carry part of us a long way and
st ill stop short of perfection.
TEACHERS AND BOUNTY.
The Evening Post, of New York, in a
recent editorial alludes to the "wise and
gracious plan" of the Carnegie Founda
tion, unquestioning approval of which
it takes for granted. Though it may
seem ungracious to indulge in dissent
from the Post's enthusiastic praise of
this "form of old-age pensions," The
Oregonian is not prepared to admit that
the Carnegie Foundation offers a happy
solution of a vexing problem, nor yet
that the retirement fund of the Carne
gie Foundation confers upon the recipi
ent of its bounty "a badge of honor."
As a result of the first selection under
the terms of the Carnegie Foundation,
about fifty professors and teachers, vho
will be retired at the end of the college
years, will receive approximately $70,000
a year. The names of Professors Rees,
of Columbia; Bairdi of New York Uni
versity; Young, of Princeton; Ladd, of
Yale; Bowddtch. of Harvard; March, of
Lafayette, are given as among the ben
eficiaries of. the first award.
Whether this solution of an awkward
question shall be accepted as happy or
not depend in turn upon the answer to
two related questions. First, ought a
college or university teacher to receive
any. stipend or pension from the insti
tution which he has served for a long
term of years after his usefulness as a
teacher '.s ended by reason of age or
impairment of strength? Second, as
suming that provision ought to be made
for maintenance of a teacher, who after
years of faithful service is under the
necessity of ceasing his teaching labors,
ought not such provision to be made
by the institution which he has served?
These questions require not to be an
swered, for certain theses may be held
to be self-evident. But the objection
may be urged, whatever may be the
duty of college and university in the
matter of granting a pension to aged
or Incapacitated teachers, we are con
fronted by the condition that few uni
versities have established a practice in
fulfillment of this theoretical duty.
Moreover, the failure of college and uni
versity to provide for teachers, no
longer young and strong enough to
teach, is due not to any want of appre
ciation of the value of teaching service,
but to the lack of funds, which is as
chronic a woe in the richest as in the
poorest university in the land. While
college and university are wrestling
with this problem, though not with the
zeal with which funds are secured to
meet every imaginable need as well as
to supply every unimaginable luxury,
including barbarically expensive stadia,
comes the expansive Lord Bountiful of
our day. Andrew Carnegie, and with
his magic wand summons "the happy
solution" upon the scene.
In order that this solution deserve
the title of "happy," which the Post
appears to employ without hesitation,
it must in a high sense serve the vari
ous interests at stake. Surely not even
the most hardened beggar of tainted
money, with the possible exception of
Chancellor Day, will hold that the Car
negie Foundation of ten million dollars
is a "happy solution"; if. though, it re
lieve college and university of a burden
rightly resting upon them, it will serve
the interest of university, of teaching
staff, or the general public. But here
it will be found that the three parties
In interest are alike disserved. The an
cient teachers held that an acceptable
offering upon the altar of the sanctu
ary brought blessing to the altar and to
the giver. This offering blesses neither
him who gives it nor him who receives,
for the giver, chance possessor of a
vast fortune, becomes by virtue of his
gift the patron of a noble band of men
living in' another world than his; and
the recipient is not alone, nor yet
chiefly, the college professor, but the
people, whom this large Foundation
tends to free from the obligation of de
cently maintaining Its always under
paid and, in the end, disabled servants.
The crux of all wise giving lies in
avoidance of the peril of pauperizing
such as are adjudged in need of help.
Institutions may be pauperized as well
as individuals, and the measure of evil
wrought by the pauperizing of an insti
tution, in this case all the higher edu
cational institutions of the land. Is cor
respondingly enlarged. It ought, per
haps, to be pointed out that, if the fund
had been divided among the colleges
and universities, the evil would be less
ened, for in' that case the money would
be vested in the universities, would be
expended by them, and would be re
ceived by the pensioned teachers from
their funds. In that case the benefi
ciaries would receive their pensions
from their respective universities, and
not from the Carnegie Foundation; that
is, from a fund the very name of which
is a reminder of the dependence of re
cipient upon giver.
If, we contend, it be the duty of col
lege and university to make provision
for supoprt of such of its teachers as
are disabled from teaching, any plan
which looks to the transfer of this ob
ligation to a fund, especially created by
one individual, who stands in no rela
tion to institutions of learning other
than of patronage and "economic fur
therance," injures the morale of the
university. Apart from the question of
tainted money and the fitly named Pru
dential Committee has spoken the lat
est rather than the last word in this
matter, there is such a thing as tainted
giving. The Carnegie Foundation is a
case in point, in so far as it undertakes
to relieve college and university of a
burden which ought to be borne by
them, in so far as it accustoms the
people to look for the pauperizing dole
from an individual, even assuming his
right in morals to his possessions legal
ly held, and by so much tends to stifle
inquiry mto the methods by which the
fabulous fortunes of our generation
have been piled up, and, finally, in so
far as it places upon a whole class of
our citizenship, including some of the
wisest, noblest leaders of the Nation,
the odium of dependence upon the gen
erosity of one man, however graciously
and wisely administered.
Ignoble indeed seems such a close to
an honorable career as teacher of youth
to be reduced to the necessity of ac
cepting a pension at the hands of a
stranger, who is under no special obli
gation or indebtedness to the recipients
of his bounty. If Congress had enacted
a law providing for the support of aged
college teachers, a storm of disapproval
of such benevolent, busy-bodying pater
nalism would have gone up from the
land, and the overworked sp'ecter of
socialism w ould have been invoked once
more. Shall no protest be voiced
againsthis benevolent paternalism the
pate being not the impersonal govern
ment but one of the moneyed patricians
of our own creation? If government
bounty be odious, shall we flatter our
selves that the teachers of the Nation,
when aged, may accept private bounty
without shame? Are we to become a
nation of beggars? If we are, perhaps
It is well to let our leaders go before.
If we are not to become a nation of
beggars, why single out our teachers
for the badge of honor awarfled by the
Carnegie Foundation? Would the ac
tive teachers in college and university
be content to receive their wage at the
hands of Mr. Carnegie's agents? Why
inflict this ignominy upon those who
ought to be dealt with most tenderly
and reverently?
The natives of this Western' land
were accustomed to desert the aged
and helpless of the tribe, and suffer
them to die alone. To be compelled to
live on ignoble terms is to suffer little
less cruel a fate. Have the college and
university teachers protested against
the spirit and methods of the Carnegie
Foundation? Not audibly, perhaps, as
yet. If they do not and will not protest,
so much the worse for us.
THICKER THAN WATER.
The Kelly clan reunion, held annually
in this city, is one of the events that
serve to remind the people of a chang
ing, restless age of the almost forgot
ten saying that "blood is thicker than
water." The ties of blood, so close and
sacred in old New England and in an
equal degree in the early settlement of
the Middle West, seem to have become
weakened by time and distance, and
are too little regarded in the old, home
ways so dear to the hearts of our fore
fathers. It is not a good thing to be
"clannish." But it is a good thing to
regard tenderly the ties of family, of
relationship, and to stand by our own
loyally.
The Pioneer Association Is the most
far-reaching organization of the family
type in this Western country. It is not
narrowed by blood or bound by family
name, but recognizes as brothers and
sisters, in the wider and scarcely less
sacred sense, all who are pioneers. The
spirit is that of fraternity, from which
the element of blood is eliminated, and
for the time being it stands in the place
of the family tie, so dear to our elders,
so lightly esteemed by the young of
the present day.
"Thicker than water" is written in
the lines of anguish upon the mother's
face as she makes plea for mercy for
her dissipated, criminal son. "Thicker
than water" is written between the
lines of the father's appeal to the wan
dering, heedless son to return to his
home and his duty; to "make a man
of himself for his mother's sake."
"Thicker than water" is the record that
trembles upon the mute lips of the
mother who braves the world with her
wayward daughter at her side. And
"thicker than water" is the attestation
of love and pride that quavers in the
voice of the grandparent who finds all
that is lovely and full of promise in the
child that comes to renew his youth
and perpetuate his name.
But beyond these closer ties the fam
ily tie is not as strong now as in the
days before travel came and whirled
the world about on ways of steel; before
adventure came and called for still an
other land to explore and settle. Fam
ilies were separated by distances that
were prohibitive of return, or broken
up by change of location or ciricum
stances. Brothers became strangers,
cousins did not count, and second
cousins were an unknown quantity
unless, perchance, one became famous
and therefore a magnet for an other
wise unremembered host.
It is as well, says the cynic, absorbed
in his immediate surroundings; It is
better, says the mercenary to whom
"relatives" are a possible menace of ex
pense. But down deep in the hearts
of those growing old a tender note is
ever sounding, the low refrain of which
is "thicker than water blood is thicker
than water."
TRAINING THE HANDS.
Manual training as a feature of public
school work has closed its second year
in the public schools of Portland. A
review of the w ork appears in another
place in The Oregonian today. This
review gives a very fair and compre
hensive idea of, the work its purposes
and its results, not only in this city, but
in other cities throughout the country
in which it has been on trial for a
number of years past. Portland is
rather a conservative city In matters
of this kind. Its people are not In haste
when it comes to fastening fads and
fancies upon their school system. They
do not indorse clay modeling as an es
sential or even desirable part o the
general educational plan, nor as yet
have they seen fit to engraft the kinder
garten upon the public school system.
This last will come to pass some day,
say those who are supposed to know,
but as yet it is not in sight. Manual
training has, however, been added to
our free educational facilities, and, af
ter two years' trial, it has made a rec
ord that not only justifies its retention,
but encourages its extension. The ob
ject is not, of course, to make carpen
ters and other craftsmen out of the
boys in attendance 'upon the public
schools, but to teach them to use their
hands in connection with their brains
for good and creative purpose.
The great need of the age, so far as
boys are concerned, is that of learning
how to do things. Once a boy knows
how to use his hands, he will find some
thing to do, and the more skillful he is
in the use of his hands the higher will
his ambition rise and the more certain
will he be able to make a place for him
self in the world and to fill that place
with credit to himself and to others.
The idle boy. awkward in the use of
his hands, generally possesses a brain
fertile in expedients for mischief. Give
him something to do and teach him
how to do it and the safety valve of his
restless nature is opened and he is
transformed from an engine whose en
ergy run3 wild into an engine that finds
vent for its increased energy in chan
nels of usefulness.
In this view it has been w ell said that
"manhood is being formulated in the
basements of our public school build
ings, where busy hands are moving and
youthful brows perspiring." And since
1
manhood fine - grained, self - helpf
well-grounded manhood is the greet
need of the age, the effort that encour
ages its development cannot be too
highly estimated or too greatly valued.
Self-control, self-reliance, responsibil
ity these are the virtues that lie at the
foundation of true manhood, and for
their development ro cost or care is too
great a price to pay.
THE ADJOURNMENT OF CONGRESS.
The labors" of the session of Congress
just adjourned have been heavy. Few
Congresses have exceeded Its sum total
of Important achievement, and none
has enacted a greater variety of in
teresting and far-reaching legislation.
The record includes the following great
measures:
The railroad rate bill.
The pure food law.
Meat-Inspec tidiar law.
Naturalisation law.
Denatured alcohol tax law (repealed).
Lock canal at Panama.
Consular service reform.
Appropriation bill reform.
Largest battleship authorized.
Employers' liability bill.
The extraordinary feature of the
course of legislation has been the direct
personal effort of the President to se
cure enactment of great measures
which he especially favored. The whole
session was marked by a sensational
series of struggles between Congress
on the one hand and the executive on
the other. The President told Congress
plainly and directly what he wanted,
and Congress gave It because it knew
that what the President demanded was
what the country demanded. This is
not to say that Congress Is hostile to
the best Interests of the country, or
that it would not have enacted legis
lation for the common good in response
to the loud and continuous demand for
drastic industrial and social reform; but
it is to say that the executive was the
avenue through which public sentiment
reached Congress and the executive
was the instrument by which these re
forms were achieved by Congress. A
very influential minority in Congress,
besides, was strongly opposed-, first,
to legislation directed at the railroads
and the trusts; and second, to Interfer
ence in the legislative function by the
President himself. But even this mi
nority was not able to withstand the
persistent sentiment for a change in
the official attitude of the Government
towards the corporations and monopo
lies, and after a futile contest it yielded
as gracefully and as easily as it could.
The record of Congress is a monu
ment to the courage, tenacity, inde
pendence, vigor and statesmanship of
the President himself and the patriot
ism and sagacity of Congress itself. It
all makes for the square deal.
ALWAYS IN THE LIMELIGHT.
One sacrifice is demanded by the
American people of the man they choose
for President, namely, the notion that
he is entitled to any privacy in his life.
He must keep constantly in the sight
of the people. Washington chafed un
der the sacrifice and asked guidance
of his Cabinet as to the propriety of
going to a quiet tea party. He be
longed to the public, they declared, and
advised against the gratification of his
longing to turn to old friends whose
quiet companionship he craved. From
Adams to Roosevelt this precedent is
the social law.
Of course, every President has chafed
under the restraint, and much of the
publicity given to their movements must
have been annoying. A man of Roose
velt's good sense and democratic spirit
could not enjoy an Associated Press
dispatch-the other day telling 75,000.000
Americans that he and his wife had
been caught in a shower and drenched
to the skin, while no mention was made
of the fact that his garments were sent
at once to the basement to be pressed.
Whether he likes it or not, he can't get
away from the limelight.
And It is in questionable taste for a
President to deny through the press the
many highly-colored stories that space
writers, using fact and fiction, offer to a
confiding and eager public. Yet Presi
dent Roosevelt last Sunday sent for a
reporter of the Washington Post to cor
rect the statement that he and his fam
ily ate elaborate meals. The White
House steward had given out this sim
ple menu for breakfast: Oranges, can
taloupes, cereals, bacon, eggs, lamb
chops, hot cakes, waffles. His employer
asked the reporter to say that the reg
ular White House breakfast consists of
hard-boiled eggs, rolls and coffee. In
stead of an apochryphal five-course
luncheon, the President, when he is
alone, satisfies himself with a bowl of
bread and milk, but if Mrs. Roosevelt
and the children are at home, they have
cold meat, tea, bread and fruit. The
ten-course dinner he reduced to two,
and he showed some temper.
The President has a right to be put
out by a false tale of his habits of eat
ing, but he should not take the gossip
too seriously. This curious interest of
the ruled In their ruler, or the people
in their chief public servant, will not
cease so long as government lasts.
In the July Cosmopolitan may be
read an interesting three-handed argu
ment between Ambrose Bierce and two
others not so well known in the West.
Like most arguments, it ended in no
definite result, because, as usual, they
disagreed with each other all the way
through. Bierce, among other things,
contended that the rich man is rich be
cause he is smart, and the poor man
poor because he is foolish. Many a
brilliant argument can be destroyed
by bringing its contentions to a legiti
mate conclusion. Doing this with Mr.
Bierce's idea would bring us to the
necessary inference that John D.
Rockefeller is the smartest man that
ever lived, and that Jesus the Nazarene
was one of the most foolish. This con
clusion requires no argument to com
bat; its untruth is apparent on its face.
Mr. Bierce furnishes an escape from
the difficulty, inasmuch as he refused
to admit that Rockefeller was smarter
than himself. He admitted that he
could get the money if he wanted it,
but he had no use for it, so he re
frained. Lucky Ambrose!
Up in Union County the strawberry
growers were compelled to pay 40 cents
a crate for picking in order to get help
enough to gather the crop. If the Wil
lamette Valley hop crop turns out as
large as present indications promise,
there will be some lively skirmishing
about the first of September to find men
and women and children enough to pick
the hops. Oregon is fortunate in hav
ing many crops that must be gathered
by hand, thus furnishing employment
to large numbers of people at fair re
muneration. Over in Montana a man who careless
ly let a revolver drop out of his pocket,
with the result that another man was
injured, has been arrested and fined for
carrying concealed weapons. All gun
accidents are the result of carelessness,
and, while punishment after the acci
dent iias happened will not serve as a
remedy in that particular case, it will
tend to make others more careful. Here
in Oregon we have a law which makes
it a crime to point a gun at another,
but the ls.w is never enforced unless
the pointing of the gun results in an
injury or death. A few prosecutions
when the unlawful act does not result
In an accident would have a restrain
ing effect and save many lives and
limbs. There are some fools who will
learn only through punishment.
A record-breaking hop crop, a bumper
prune crop, an immense grain crop,
building of new electric lines and ex
tensive improvements on the5outhern
Pacific, will create a large demand for
labor In the Willamette Valley this
Fall, and there will be no excuse for
able-bodied men to be short of funds
to carry themselves and families
through the Winter. The harvest will
be great and the laborers compara
tively few. Men. women and children
will find plenty of work in the hop
yjxds and orchards at remunerative
wages. Unless some misfortune now
unforeseen should occur, money will be
plentiful in the Valley at the close of
this year. Every producer has some
thing to sell, and in larger quantities
than usual, with prices above normal.
Oregon would not be Oregon without
the State Fair. True, that festival
and show was emitted from our cata
logue of delights last year, but this
omission was solely in deference to the
state's great guest, the Lewis and
Clark Exposition not from any lack of
loyalty to our home institution. But it
will be called on time this year, and
its attractions will be many. In fact,
the best fair ever held by the State
Agricultural Society is promised, and
there is no reason why the promise
may not be fulfilled.
Since the enactment of the free-alcohol
bill a California firm has com
menced erection of a plant for the man
ufacture of alcohol in that state. The
plant will be ready by the time the law
goes Into effect, in January, 1907. The
company expects to use refuse fruits
and the molasses from the beet-sugar
factories, as these products are excel
lent for the manufacture of alcohol.
Doubtless there is room in Oregon for a
plant for the manufacture of denatur
ized alcohol.
Mr. Weyerhaeuser, the timber king,
has discontinued the Sunday schedule
of one of his California railroads be
cause he did not wish any of his em
ployes to work on Sunday. If the prin
ciple is applied along the line of labor
until it reaches cooks, some of the
Weyerhaeuser "lumber jacks" will
either take cold "vittles" or go hungry
on Sunday.
Dairymen rejoice over the prolonged
rainy season, which keeps their pas
tures green, but mourn over the cool
weather, which creates no demand for
ice cream. The weather man has a
hard time pleasing these dairymen, but
perhaps he makes up by receipts of
gratitude from the young men who
don't have to pay for the ice cream.
There should be a large attendance
at the midsummer meeting of the State
Horticultural Society at Salem July 6-7.
There should also be a good exhibit of
cherries in competition for the valuable
prizes offered. The cherries that take
first prize in Oregon must be the best
in the world.
White's physician is authority for the
statement that the murdered man was
suffering from fatty degeneration of the
heart. It took an autopsy to determine
that fact. White's wife could have tes
tified that he had some kind of degen
eration of the heart, without an au
topsy. Nature seems tb be out of harmony
with public affairs in Oregon. Eight
counties have gone dry, and now we are
promised the biggest hop crop on rec
ord. Of course Oregon hops are used
only for making yeast and hop poul
tices. The discovery by the gratified stock
holders of Wells, Fargo & Co. that
there is in the treasury a surplus of
$20,000,000 ought to help some in paying
that Oregon gross-earnings tax. And
Oregon doesn't want it all.
New York millionaires who insist
upon sowing their wild oats not only in
youth but In old age should sow them
in a back field somewhere, so that the
general public will not be compelled to
witness the harvest.
Licentious millionaires and lecherous
Holy Roller prophets are alike in one
respect they get little sympathy when
they meet death at the point of a re
volver. And the world moves on as be
fore. There are a number of people in Port
land who are of opinion that the $250,
000 San Francisco relief fund was con
tributed by Portland for the relief of
San Francisco.
A Salem saloon-keeper had five acres
of clover hay cut and Thursday's rain
soaked it. The saloon-keeper gets the
worst of it whether the county goes wei
or dry. '
Even the milkmen advertise in the
Grant County papers.
Pretty soon the cows, too, will go dry
in Linn.
Dog Hero of Xovel Dead.
New Haven (Conn.) Dispatch.
Edgewood Cold Steel, the famous bull
terrier that Richard Harding Davis made
the hero of his story t he Bar Sinister,"
recently died at the writer's home, at
Mount Kisco, N. Y.
Frank F. Dole, of this city, who bred
the dog, has received a request from Mr.
Davis to get him the test bull terrier he
can. though he says that no other dog
could ever take Cold Steel s place in his
affections.
Edgewood Cold Steel won 40 prizes at
leading bench shows in this country, and
captured the famous Harris Nixon cup
four times before it was finally won by
his cousin, Edgewood Biddy.
The story of the dog's rise from an out
cast to a prizewinner is pathetically told
in "The Bar Sinister."
or, -iron' Example.
Springfield, Mass., Republican.
The difficulty encountered in secur
ing an amendment to the Federal con
stitution expressly conferring upon
the people of the respective states
power to elect United States Senators
renders the device adopted In Oregon
highly attractive. While the Senate
stubbornly continues to oppose this
change, notwithstanding that 31 states
have at different times called for it,
the people appear to be working out
the problem for themselves In a way
that defies successful legal assault.
THE PESSIMIST.
After January f, 1907. the pure-food law
wiil be in force. Those who Uke to eat
tomato catsup made of around carrots,
sulphuric acid anf mustard will be obliged
to get a physician's prescription.
It might not be a bad idea to round up
all the prophets, seers and clairvoyants
who make- a specialty of predicting tidal
waves and then stake the bunch at the
water's edge at low tide on some con
venient ocean beach, so that the breakers
would roll in and cover them up. By this
method we would not only furnish theih
with an opportunity of witnessing the ful
fillment of their own prophecies, but
thereafter we would have peace in the
matter of tidal waves.
So far no one has insinuated that the
San Francisco relief finance committee in
tends to distribute the funds on hand
among its members, but if the excitement
keeps up there Is no telling what some
body might say.
In Portland Oregon, not Maine
The Mayor's a scrapper, named Lane.
Said he to R. Hoge
This crowd I prorogue.
Those funds I'll not let you retain.
"Quick profits and a sure thing." some
one has said, "is a safe path toward busi
ness success." If you can find a sure
thing who Is easy money, your progress
will be more rapid.
The first sensation experienced by Mach
now, the Russian giant, when he landed
In America, was one of thirst. He was
provided with six glasses of lemonade
These he drank one after another with
out taking a breath.
"I'm dying." said Machnow. "of thirst.
Of all the thirsts I've had it's the worst.
Some vodka, or gin;
Oh, let me begin!
Oh! give It me quick, or I'll burst!"
And then they filled him up with soda
water.
Speaking of giants, if a man who Is nine
feet three inches tall can drink six glasses
of lemonade, eat eight cuts of roast beef,
sixteen potatoes, three loaves of bread and
a quart of strawberries at one sitting, how
far could he kick a dog. and what salary
does he pay his press agent?
Automobile Notes.
At the regular semi-monthly meeting of
the TranS-Wll'lamette Auto Club on
Wednesday, the committee on tire'troubles
reported that the contemplated improve
ment of East Twentieth street from Mo'
rison to the Base Line road was under
way. Six loads of crushed rock had al
ready been placed at that point, and It Is
expected that the rock will be covered
with mud and rolled not later than Octo
ber 15. In the meantime members were
advised to cross on the Burnside bridge
and go up Bast Couch street.
The committee on crosswalks and thauk-ye-mums
reported that East Burnside was
Impassable from Union avenue to Twenty-eighth
street, except in broad daylight,
when the driver could see the holes in
the crosswalks. The committee also re
ported that the popular subscription raised
to fill the thank-ye-mum on the Base
Line road at Twenty-first street had
reached the sum of 37 cents. Subscriptions
were coming In slowly, and it was thought
best to use the funds on hand to pur
chase and maintain a red lantern at this
very bad spot.
The club poet said that he had com
pleted his annual production, and asked
for time to read it. By a vote of 18 to 19
It was decided to allow him to read one
verse, which was as follows:
Beware the Pine-street electric car!
Beware the car track's awful Jar!
But, answering, sounded the auto's horn
From 2 A. M. till early morn,
"Honk! honk!"
The committee on membership reported
that the application of John Doe would
have to be refused on the ground that
he had once driven a laundry wagon, the
same being contrary to section 13, article
xxiil of the by-laws, which declares:
"That no owner of a cross-eyed cayuse.
or any one who aids or abets him, shall
be eligible for membership in this club.''
The report of the committee on classifi
cation that a steam traction engine was
not a "runabout," and that a gasoline
woodsaw was not an automobile in the
accepted sense of the word, and that
neither of these vehicles should be obliged
to carry lamps, was adopted by unanimous
vote.
I. .at n
Answers to Correspondents.
GRADUATE "I have just received my
M. A. degree, and I have concluded to
take up literary work. I would appreci
ate it very much if you would offer some
suggestions as to how to get a start."
If you are a poet, and have in mind the
Intention of submitting a sample of your
work, I would advise you to take up your
position near the door of the editor's room
and make your start from there, because
it does not take an editor long to read a
poem, and he Is always a good shot with
a paste-pot. However, If you are not a
poet and biting, withering sarcasm is
your long suit, I would advise you to
start a 10-cent magazine. It is easily done
and only costs J10 a throw. Besides the
$10 you will have to provide yourself with
a few alliterative phrases such a "plfll
cated peacocks and pestiferous pinks. "
and a burning desire to reform society.
Your greatest difficulty will be to select
a name for your publication. Nearly all
of the good ones have already been used
and copyrighted. Much of your success
will depend upon getting a good name.
For example: There is "The Little Red
Devil." That Is a good one. at least the
editor seems to think so. Then we have
the Pessimist, of Seattle. These are two
most excellent titles, but, of course, they
cannot be used by any one else. You
might call yours the "Scrunch." The
name has not been used before, and I
think that it will attract attention. If you
should be obliged to suspend publication
after the first issue, you might take a
course of ad-writing in a correspondence
school.
ARCTURU9 "Last week, in describing
the position of certain heavenly bodies,
you placed the constellation Scorpio in
the south, while Arcturus was rising in the
east. At the time Venus was sinking in
the west. Arcturus was not rising; it had
already passed the zenith. Perhaps your
'man with the cigarette' had been smok
ing too much, and couldn't see straight."
Perhaps he had. At any rate, it was not
my fault. When the article you refer to
went to press Arcturus was where I said
it was. If It isn't there now you can't
blame me. Some miserable individual
with no regard for poetic and astronom
ical license must have moved it.
M. B WELLS.