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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (March 21, 2019)
THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 2019 // 13 is fatally toxic when mis- used; lobelia, a family of fl owers with a potent, nico- tine-like toxin once believed to kill syphilis and bloodroot, another toxic fl ower known for its ability to “empty the bowels” and burn off skin tumors, with hideously dis- fi guring results. I was beginning to real- ize Dr. Chase defi nitely sub- scribed to the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stron- ger” school of home med- icine. Nevertheless, I per- sisted — until I got to the sore throat remedy that involved sulphuric acid. An engraved plate of the learned Dr. A.W. Chase. Natalie St. John The inside cover of A.W. Chase’s Second Receipt Book. I decided to look up Dr. Chase. As it turned out, he TU E 22 $ S ILIE FAM OME! C WEL ECIAL! 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Using a combina- tion of pseudo-science and relentless self-promotion, he went on to publish several popular books of domestic advice and start a Canadian company that successfully peddled “patent medicines” — the snake oil cures that rarely contained anything of therapeutic value. In other words, he was the Dr. Oz of his day. He died at 68. Call Dr. Facebook Clearly, the DIY medi- cine of yore was primarily effective as a form of popu- lation control, so I decided to turn to that great reposi- tory of medical information for the masses: Facebook. I joined a few groups for “Off the Grid” and “Crunchy” moms. The Off-the-Grid ladies turned out to be mostly sur- vivalist moms who worked on their farms 16 hours a day, stopping only to ask starkly practical questions like which gun is best for shooting aggressive coyotes. They were lovably nutty. However, it quickly became evident that the crunchy moms shared a steadfast commitment to seeking medical advice from literally anyone but medi- cal professionals. With each grisly new “Is this can- cer?” and “My infant son’s ears are spouting geysers of neon-green pus and it seems like he can’t hear anymore. What oils should I be giving him?” post, I felt a bit more uneasy. I told my friend I was going to ask the group for advice about whether vac- cinating my cows would give them autism, but some- one beat me to it, asking if they should “vax” their pets. The crunchies almost unan- imously agreed that it was a very dangerous practice indeed. One woman said her friend’s cat was “vac- cine injured.” I was feel- ing sorely tempted to argue, so I got out of there before someone could throw a bot- tle of colloidal silver at me. Google turned up myriad recipes for herbal tinctures, oxymels (a very old medi- cine made of herb-infused honey and vinegar), syrups and balms that reportedly work well on colds. Those probably deserve more attention, but given that they require special ingredients as well as knowledge and skill, there was precious lit- tle chance of me or any- one else making them while sick. Drink your troubles away Having unsuccessfully searched both history and cyberspace for the elusive secrets of DIY-cold-treat- ment, I decided at last to ask my own friends and family. They at least had a stake in not killing me and include in their number several med- ical professionals and a couple of knowledgeable herbalists. I should have seen this coming — they almost unanimously agreed the best treatment for a cold was a hot toddy with one or two cold-fi ghting ingredients and plenty of whiskey or brandy. As this has always been my go-to cold treatment, I was offi cially back at square one. With fi ngers weary from a hard day’s googling, I decided the key to getting through everyone-is-a-vec- tor season might be a forti- fi ed toddy. Something just medicinal enough to jus- tify the booze, but still easy enough for a sick person to make and pleasant enough to drink voluntarily. Pro- vided there wasn’t too much alcohol in it, the toddy would at least keep the suf- ferer hydrated, and certainly couldn’t do any more dam- age than the other sugges- tions I’d found. The hottest toddy Though the research is thin, some people swear bro- melain, the main enzyme in pineapple, is both antiseptic and a very effective cough suppressant. Cut a few slices of fresh pineapple and put them in a big measuring glass. Turmeric is wildly ove- rhyped, but it does have proven infl ammation-fi ght- ing abilities and a sunny orange color that is the exact opposite of winter. You can get fresh turmeric root at Freddy’s now, so grate some and throw it in. While you’re at it, add several thin slices of ginger. Many non-western cultures believe you should fi ght colds with “hot” ingredients like ginger and cayenne, so why not? I have zero proof, but I think it clears the sinuses and makes you feel warm from the inside out. Add a couple of tea bags. You can use black tea, green tea, which is a mild astrin- gent, or any cold-fi ghting herbal tea. Teas with lic- orice, mallow and slip- pery elm do a nice job of soothing a sore throat. Add boiling water and let the brew steep for fi ve min- utes. Squeeze in at least one lemon for its vitamin C and antiseptic properties. Finally, add a good amount of honey, an antimicrobial that also helps coat irritated throats. If you’re a grownup, you might as well add a mod- est glug of brandy or Irish whiskey. Alcohol is antisep- tic, after all. And besides, if you drink it all up, no one can set it on fi re underneath your chair. CW
