THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 2019 // 13
is fatally toxic when mis-
used; lobelia, a family of
fl owers with a potent, nico-
tine-like toxin once believed
to kill syphilis and bloodroot,
another toxic fl ower known
for its ability to “empty the
bowels” and burn off skin
tumors, with hideously dis-
fi guring results.
I was beginning to real-
ize Dr. Chase defi nitely sub-
scribed to the “what doesn’t
kill you makes you stron-
ger” school of home med-
icine. Nevertheless, I per-
sisted — until I got to the
sore throat remedy that
involved sulphuric acid.
An engraved plate of the
learned Dr. A.W. Chase.
Natalie St. John
The inside cover of A.W. Chase’s Second Receipt Book.
I decided to look up Dr.
Chase. As it turned out, he
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ical degree” sense. Origi-
nally from Ohio, he started
out as a traveling sales-
man, and audited medical
classes because he didn’t
know enough Latin to get
accepted into the medical
school. Using a combina-
tion of pseudo-science and
relentless self-promotion, he
went on to publish several
popular books of domestic
advice and start a Canadian
company that successfully
peddled “patent medicines”
— the snake oil cures that
rarely contained anything of
therapeutic value. In other
words, he was the Dr. Oz of
his day. He died at 68.
Call Dr. Facebook
Clearly, the DIY medi-
cine of yore was primarily
effective as a form of popu-
lation control, so I decided
to turn to that great reposi-
tory of medical information
for the masses: Facebook. I
joined a few groups for “Off
the Grid” and “Crunchy”
moms.
The Off-the-Grid ladies
turned out to be mostly sur-
vivalist moms who worked
on their farms 16 hours a
day, stopping only to ask
starkly practical questions
like which gun is best for
shooting aggressive coyotes.
They were lovably nutty.
However, it quickly
became evident that the
crunchy moms shared a
steadfast commitment to
seeking medical advice from
literally anyone but medi-
cal professionals. With each
grisly new “Is this can-
cer?” and “My infant son’s
ears are spouting geysers of
neon-green pus and it seems
like he can’t hear anymore.
What oils should I be giving
him?” post, I felt a bit more
uneasy.
I told my friend I was
going to ask the group for
advice about whether vac-
cinating my cows would
give them autism, but some-
one beat me to it, asking if
they should “vax” their pets.
The crunchies almost unan-
imously agreed that it was
a very dangerous practice
indeed. One woman said
her friend’s cat was “vac-
cine injured.” I was feel-
ing sorely tempted to argue,
so I got out of there before
someone could throw a bot-
tle of colloidal silver at me.
Google turned up myriad
recipes for herbal tinctures,
oxymels (a very old medi-
cine made of herb-infused
honey and vinegar), syrups
and balms that reportedly
work well on colds. Those
probably deserve more
attention, but given that they
require special ingredients
as well as knowledge and
skill, there was precious lit-
tle chance of me or any-
one else making them while
sick.
Drink your
troubles away
Having unsuccessfully
searched both history and
cyberspace for the elusive
secrets of DIY-cold-treat-
ment, I decided at last to ask
my own friends and family.
They at least had a stake in
not killing me and include in
their number several med-
ical professionals and a
couple of knowledgeable
herbalists.
I should have seen this
coming — they almost
unanimously agreed the best
treatment for a cold was a
hot toddy with one or two
cold-fi ghting ingredients and
plenty of whiskey or brandy.
As this has always been my
go-to cold treatment, I was
offi cially back at square one.
With fi ngers weary from
a hard day’s googling, I
decided the key to getting
through everyone-is-a-vec-
tor season might be a forti-
fi ed toddy. Something just
medicinal enough to jus-
tify the booze, but still easy
enough for a sick person to
make and pleasant enough
to drink voluntarily. Pro-
vided there wasn’t too much
alcohol in it, the toddy
would at least keep the suf-
ferer hydrated, and certainly
couldn’t do any more dam-
age than the other sugges-
tions I’d found.
The hottest toddy
Though the research is
thin, some people swear bro-
melain, the main enzyme in
pineapple, is both antiseptic
and a very effective cough
suppressant. Cut a few slices
of fresh pineapple and put
them in a big measuring
glass.
Turmeric is wildly ove-
rhyped, but it does have
proven infl ammation-fi ght-
ing abilities and a sunny
orange color that is the exact
opposite of winter. You can
get fresh turmeric root at
Freddy’s now, so grate some
and throw it in.
While you’re at it, add
several thin slices of ginger.
Many non-western cultures
believe you should fi ght
colds with “hot” ingredients
like ginger and cayenne, so
why not? I have zero proof,
but I think it clears the
sinuses and makes you feel
warm from the inside out.
Add a couple of tea bags.
You can use black tea, green
tea, which is a mild astrin-
gent, or any cold-fi ghting
herbal tea. Teas with lic-
orice, mallow and slip-
pery elm do a nice job of
soothing a sore throat. Add
boiling water and let the
brew steep for fi ve min-
utes. Squeeze in at least one
lemon for its vitamin C and
antiseptic properties. Finally,
add a good amount of honey,
an antimicrobial that also
helps coat irritated throats.
If you’re a grownup, you
might as well add a mod-
est glug of brandy or Irish
whiskey. Alcohol is antisep-
tic, after all. And besides, if
you drink it all up, no one
can set it on fi re underneath
your chair. CW