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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (June 20, 2018)
6A FEATURES Friend mispronounces name Dear Annie: Seventy-one want to stop responding to any- years ago, my father decided to one who calls me by the wrong honor his kid brother and heritage name when speaking with me or by naming me Iaina, the female corresponding with me. It is not derivative of Iain (also spelled a small thing. How do I get peo- Ian), and I have had to correct oth- ple to understand that it is import- ers’ spelling and pronunciation of ant to acknowledge the correct spelling and pronuncia- it ever since. I have not DEAR tion of everyone’s name? learned how to live with it, — Janie and no matter how long I ANNIE Dear Janie: It’s no live, I never will. I chose a wonder you’re frustrated. nickname for this reason, Our names are deeply Janie (not Jane), and peo- ple get that wrong, too. My intertwined with our iden- tities. When people don’t first-grade teacher insisted make an effort to accu- I was misspelling and mis- rately pronounce your pronouncing my name and Lane name, it’s as if they’re “corrected” me on a daily Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. saying they don’t care basis. I was having din- who you are. I’m sure ner with a friend of 10 years in that’s rarely, if ever, their intention, a local restaurant this week, and but it is nonetheless the effect. she was chatting with an individ- Though you shouldn’t have to ual at a table beside us. She intro- repeatedly correct people, don’t be duced me as Jane, and I corrected shy about doing so. Your friends, of her and said my name is Janie. She all people, should take the matter then said my real name is Iaina seriously, and it sounds as though but mispronounced it and butch- it’s time for another talk with your ered it. I was livid because she has friend about how her dismissal of known me for so long and knows your name amounts to a dismissal how much it bothers me that peo- of your feelings. ple mispronounce my name, so I Mainly, I hope your letter is corrected her again. a wake-up call for anyone read- I do not feel that I am honoring ing who is guilty of this behav- my name or heritage and almost ior. When meeting someone new, people should do their best to learn how to say the person’s name cor- rectly. Repeat it back to the per- son, and ask for clarification if you have to. Yes, it means putting your- self out there a bit, but it makes the person feel seen, acknowledged and important, and it sets a tone of mutual respect — well worth that extra smidgen of effort. Dear Annie: I can understand why “Camera-Shy Grandma” doesn’t like to be photographed, but she should consider the fact that her stepdaughter likes pictures of people who are important to her. My brother was killed in Afghani- stan 10 years ago, and I can’t find a single photo of just the two of us together as adults. What I wouldn’t give for one today! — Kyle C. Dear Kyle C.: I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. You are 100 percent correct, and my failure to address that angle of the issue was an oversight that I regret. I’d like to amend my earlier response. Camera-Shy Grandma: Try to grin and bear it for at least a few photos from time to time. You’ll be giving her family a gift for the future. Don’t worry so much about your appearance, either. To them, you’ll always just look like beloved, beautiful Grandma. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20, 2018 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). You don’t want to comply with what’s being asked of you. Do what comes naturally: Stall. It will give you time to more fully realize the dynamics at play. The stall will help you stay aware of what’s really going on. what makes your friendship so golden. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Technically, you are free to set up your daily life in a way that serves your own rhythms. But the reality is that the involvement of others makes this tricky. Success follows being slightly more assertive about your domestic wishes. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Is “forced cooperation” an oxymoron? After all, if a person has no choice but to comply, it’s not cooper- ation; it’s control. Most people don’t like to be controlled, as today’s situation will highlight. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). It is said that twins share a private language all their own. You have a unique language with every single person you talk with, as you intuitively cater your communi- cation specifically to others. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You did what you did. It was the best you knew at the time. In hindsight, maybe you did certain things to cope and survive that you wouldn’t choose now. But go easy on yourself. Have self-compassion. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Fulfillment of your aims will take organization and planning. You could really use a boost, and it’s going to come from the completion of something tangible. Making a measurable difference with your work will bring contentment. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Transformations can happen — and they do, all of the time. But don’t count on other people’s transformations, as each person must be in charge of his or her own. Put all your focus into becoming who you want to be. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You hear people, whether or not they tell you in words. Many people can get the gist of emotional messages, but you actually act on them, which is part of FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Say what you’re going to do. Do it. Seems simple, right? For you. Not for everyone. Some people in your life won’t have the same follow-through. Hopefully, you’ll be patient with them today. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You appre- ciate friends who can keep a secret, because most can’t. In the “can’t” group, there are those who will warn you up front, and there are those who won’t. Know whom you’re dealing with today, because discretion will be important. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Goals need a plan; plans need a ritual. Rituals are the support beams you’ll be building on. Look at your current rituals, significant habits you carry out to make life work. How can you better line them up with your plan? PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). A project is push- ing to the forefront of your mind. If you don’t do it now, then when will you do it? Resist the urge to start over, because there’s something here to keep and build on. Use what’s already working for you. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (June 21). You’ve earned the respect and admiration that comes with this solar return, so enjoy it! You’ll be giving back to a past benefactor and it will feel terrific to satisfy a karmic debt. October comes in a rush of passion. The turn of the year represents a chance to gain professional rank or publicity that turns into money. Aquarius and Cancer adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 20, 39, 4,
