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Friend mispronounces name
Dear Annie: Seventy-one want to stop responding to any-
years ago, my father decided to one who calls me by the wrong
honor his kid brother and heritage name when speaking with me or
by naming me Iaina, the female corresponding with me. It is not
derivative of Iain (also spelled a small thing. How do I get peo-
Ian), and I have had to correct oth- ple to understand that it is import-
ers’ spelling and pronunciation of ant to acknowledge the correct
spelling and pronuncia-
it ever since. I have not
DEAR
tion of everyone’s name?
learned how to live with it,
— Janie
and no matter how long I
ANNIE
Dear Janie: It’s no
live, I never will. I chose a
wonder you’re frustrated.
nickname for this reason,
Our names are deeply
Janie (not Jane), and peo-
ple get that wrong, too. My
intertwined with our iden-
tities. When people don’t
first-grade teacher insisted
make an effort to accu-
I was misspelling and mis-
rately pronounce your
pronouncing my name and
Lane
name, it’s as if they’re
“corrected” me on a daily Annie
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
saying they don’t care
basis.
I was having din-
who you are. I’m sure
ner with a friend of 10 years in that’s rarely, if ever, their intention,
a local restaurant this week, and but it is nonetheless the effect.
she was chatting with an individ-
Though you shouldn’t have to
ual at a table beside us. She intro- repeatedly correct people, don’t be
duced me as Jane, and I corrected shy about doing so. Your friends, of
her and said my name is Janie. She all people, should take the matter
then said my real name is Iaina seriously, and it sounds as though
but mispronounced it and butch- it’s time for another talk with your
ered it. I was livid because she has friend about how her dismissal of
known me for so long and knows your name amounts to a dismissal
how much it bothers me that peo- of your feelings.
ple mispronounce my name, so I
Mainly, I hope your letter is
corrected her again.
a wake-up call for anyone read-
I do not feel that I am honoring ing who is guilty of this behav-
my name or heritage and almost ior. When meeting someone new,
people should do their best to learn
how to say the person’s name cor-
rectly. Repeat it back to the per-
son, and ask for clarification if you
have to. Yes, it means putting your-
self out there a bit, but it makes the
person feel seen, acknowledged
and important, and it sets a tone of
mutual respect — well worth that
extra smidgen of effort.
Dear Annie: I can understand
why “Camera-Shy Grandma”
doesn’t like to be photographed,
but she should consider the fact
that her stepdaughter likes pictures
of people who are important to her.
My brother was killed in Afghani-
stan 10 years ago, and I can’t find
a single photo of just the two of us
together as adults. What I wouldn’t
give for one today! — Kyle C.
Dear Kyle C.: I am so sorry for
the loss of your brother. You are
100 percent correct, and my failure
to address that angle of the issue
was an oversight that I regret. I’d
like to amend my earlier response.
Camera-Shy Grandma: Try to
grin and bear it for at least a few
photos from time to time. You’ll
be giving her family a gift for
the future. Don’t worry so much
about your appearance, either. To
them, you’ll always just look like
beloved, beautiful Grandma.
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20, 2018
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). You don’t want
to comply with what’s being asked of you. Do
what comes naturally: Stall. It will give you time
to more fully realize the dynamics at play. The
stall will help you stay aware of what’s really
going on.
what makes your friendship so golden.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Technically, you
are free to set up your daily life in a way that
serves your own rhythms. But the reality is that
the involvement of others makes this tricky.
Success follows being slightly more assertive
about your domestic wishes.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Is “forced
cooperation” an oxymoron? After all, if a person
has no choice but to comply, it’s not cooper-
ation; it’s control. Most people don’t like to be
controlled, as today’s situation will highlight.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). It is said that twins
share a private language all their own. You have
a unique language with every single person you
talk with, as you intuitively cater your communi-
cation specifically to others.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You did what you
did. It was the best you knew at the time. In
hindsight, maybe you did certain things to cope
and survive that you wouldn’t choose now. But
go easy on yourself. Have self-compassion.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Fulfillment of your aims
will take organization and planning. You could
really use a boost, and it’s going to come from
the completion of something tangible. Making a
measurable difference with your work will bring
contentment.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Transformations
can happen — and they do, all of the time. But
don’t count on other people’s transformations,
as each person must be in charge of his or her
own. Put all your focus into becoming who you
want to be.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You hear people,
whether or not they tell you in words. Many
people can get the gist of emotional messages,
but you actually act on them, which is part of
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Say what you’re
going to do. Do it. Seems simple, right? For you.
Not for everyone. Some people in your life won’t
have the same follow-through. Hopefully, you’ll
be patient with them today.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You appre-
ciate friends who can keep a secret, because
most can’t. In the “can’t” group, there are those
who will warn you up front, and there are those
who won’t. Know whom you’re dealing with
today, because discretion will be important.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Goals need a
plan; plans need a ritual. Rituals are the support
beams you’ll be building on. Look at your
current rituals, significant habits you carry out to
make life work. How can you better line them up
with your plan?
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). A project is push-
ing to the forefront of your mind. If you don’t do
it now, then when will you do it? Resist the urge
to start over, because there’s something here to
keep and build on. Use what’s already working
for you.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (June 21). You’ve
earned the respect and admiration that comes
with this solar return, so enjoy it! You’ll be giving
back to a past benefactor and it will feel terrific
to satisfy a karmic debt. October comes in a
rush of passion. The turn of the year represents
a chance to gain professional rank or publicity
that turns into money. Aquarius and Cancer
adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 20, 39, 4,