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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 1, 2018)
6A FEATURES Girlfriend just wanted a card Dear Annie: My boyfriend and gestures can be gifts, too. Perhaps I have been together for three years. material presents aren’t import- Everything is going well between ant to your boyfriend and he didn’t us, and he’s a sweet and thought- realize they’d be important to you. ful guy in general. But he didn’t get Let him know your feelings on the me a present or card for Christmas, matter — but before you do, make and it’s been bothering me the past a list of all the other ways he shows few weeks, though I’ve his love. Read it immedi- DEAR ately before your talk so tried to just move on. It’s you go into it with an atti- not something I’m eager ANNIE tude of gratitude and can to bring up. I feel pretty easily share with him a few whiny even admitting in things he’s done that have this letter that it bothers made you feel cherished. me. I got him a few gifts This keeps the focus on and took him out to his love, not blame. favorite restaurant. I know I’d also suggest you and that you shouldn’t expect Lane your boyfriend read “The 5 a gift in return when you Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. Love Languages,” by Gary give something, but it just Chapman, to avoid this type stung a little that he didn’t put thought into getting me some- of miscommunication in the future. thing — anything at all. I would Dear Annie: You have been so have been happy with a card or helpful to print letters commenting a special home-cooked meal or on what not to say to someone who some other small gesture. Last year, has lost a loved one or had a miscar- he got me a nice present, so I just riage, etc. May I comment on what assumed we’d be exchanging pres- not to say to someone who has been ents this year. Am I being ridicu- a victim of a home burglary? lous? Should I just get over it, or Recently, we returned home should I tell him? — Snubbed in the from a funeral a few miles away to South find that our home had been bur- Dear Snubbed: You’re not glarized. Our children and grand- being ridiculous. But before you get children were with us. First, please self-righteous, consider that while do not start any sentence with “you gifts can be loving gestures, loving were so lucky.” “You were so lucky no one was home.” (But we proba- bly would not have been victims if we had been home.) “You were so lucky to have family with you when you got home.” (Really? Lucky my little grandchildren had to see this mess and I had to fake being brave?) “You were so lucky. Remember that things are just things.” (Well, they were my things, and they are gone forever.) After a week, I actually was ready to say, “We were so lucky.” So I would suggest you wait until the victim says those words himself or herself. Then you can add your “lucky” comments. I did appreciate when someone said, “I’m so sorry this happened. Can I help?” — Sad- der but Wiser Dear Sadder but Wiser: It’s human nature to want to “fix” every- one’s problems (everyone’s but our own, that is). When someone shares bad news, we have a hard time sim- ply sitting with it. We want to offer solutions or at least sunny perspec- tives. I understand the impulse, but it does more harm than good, as evidenced in your letter. Simply lis- tening and acknowledging a per- son’s hardship is almost always the best way to help. We shouldn’t deny anyone space to simply be upset after a traumatic incident. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2018 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). Interesting characters will fill your scene. The more you study them, the more fascinating they get. It helps that you seem to know just the question to unlock the good stories. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You don’t have to wave your hands mysteriously, chant words or concoct recipes involving “eye of newt, wing of bat” to cast a spell over someone. You accomplish maximum enchantment just by being you. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Sometime in the future when you have urgent or exciting news to share, you’ll discover that your reach is outstanding, largely due to the work you do today, building casual goodwill. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Much will be accomplished in small increments. If you’d like to have more faith in life’s process, note what the ocean did to the mountain — ground it into a softy, sandy beach. One wave at a time. enjoy rethinking the sartorial part of you. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The ideal would be a focused effort. Persistent efforts are good; consistent efforts, even better. But it’s the fact you’re making an effort at all that makes the biggest difference. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The late great George Burns suggested, “Happi- ness is having a large, loving, caring, close- knit family in another city.” Your support system can take many forms. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). When it’s very easy to get to know someone, it’s usu- ally an indication of a well-developed outer layer of personality. It’s always deeper than that, though, which you know and discover more about every day. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’re disarming. Maybe it’s because you really do believe in the goodness of people. You know how to question someone’s views without questioning their integrity. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). It is a commonly held belief in the current era that the life of a child should be as easy and magical as possible. In earlier times, many children were sent off to work at age 8. Your inner child feels like a factory worker today. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Casual conversation is a window. Small interac- tions deliver everything, especially to ones as sensitive and intuitive as you. Now the question is: How much do you want to know? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). They may say that this is a laid-back, easygoing kind of commitment, but don’t believe the lip service. There’s a tacit expectation here. And where there is an expectation, there is work to be done. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 2). It’s a year to be bold. Happiness will increase with the force of intention to do good work, to love more fully and to take on responsi- bilities. You can handle this! The money you spend to improve your surroundings and the way you operate inside them will pay you back in joy and also in dollars. Libra and Gemini adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 5, 50, 1, 26 and 31. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed. But more importantly, it’s better to be dressed like you than like someone else. Actually, you may FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE
