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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 30, 2018)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TUESDAY, JANUARY 30, 2018 FEATURES Boyfriend running to mommy Dear Annie: My boyfriend, outside authority figure’s opinion “Mike,” and I are in our late 20s and on each of your fights, perhaps he have been together for five years. would be open to the idea of seeing Our issues stem from his calling a couples therapist. Though your his mom during every argument we issues might not seem so serious, have — whether it’s small or large. couples can always benefit from It adds strain and stress to every- having more tools in their shared thing, but he doesn’t see it. communication toolbox. DEAR I have asked him several A counselor could also times to stop, but he either help him see the way his ANNIE gets defensive and accuses mother-son venting ses- sions are holding back his me of not liking his mom relationship and personal or just ignores me. I actu- ally really like his mom, development. but when she only hears Dear Annie: I am writ- ing in response to the let- the bad stuff, it makes it ter from “One-Upped,” harder to keep a good rela- Lane tionship with her. Don’t Annie whose friend tends to Creators Syndicate Inc. get me wrong; I value her one-up her stories. I am opinion, and I think she’s a trained as a counselor, and very smart woman. But I can’t take during my schooling, I learned to this any longer! I love him, and I empathize with clients by shar- really want us all to get along, but ing in the form of “I experienced I feel that they team against me x, and I found y.” I have also been during arguments. I don’t know told by friends that I reply to their stories with my own similar sto- what else to do. — Michigan Dear Michigan: It’s time for ries, and I can assure you I never this mama’s boy to become his own intend it to be a one-up. It is a mat- man. By calling his mother every ter of difference in communication time you fight, your boyfriend is styles. So I agree with your sugges- not only being unfair to you but tion to kindly mention that it both- also doing himself a disservice, ers her but also to have mercy with because it’s in his best interest for her new friend because old habits his mom to like his girlfriend. See- die hard and intentions are usually ing as he seems inclined to get an good. Also, regarding the friend’s repeating stories, I wonder what age her friend is. I ask because my mom has repeated the same stories every night for a while now. It frus- trates me, too, and I am ashamed to admit I do cut her off and tell her she already said that. But I try to have mercy because it could be dementia, stress or a combination of the two. And aging is scary. We all will most likely be in that place one day if we are lucky enough to live a long life, and I hope I am treated with mercy when I am the one doing it. Just wanted to give some more food for thought. As I’ve aged, I’ve found that good friends are few and far between, and none of us is per- fect, so if we are lucky enough to find a friend who is interesting, is kind and shares our interests, we should overlook minor flaws. This world could use a lot more kind- ness, more than ever right now. — Been There and Will Be Dear Been There and Will Be: You make a great point about your training as a counselor. Perhaps the perceived one-upmanship is just an attempt at empathizing. It’s at least worth considering. I second your call for kindness, and I wish you and your mother the best. 5A TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). Glittering generalities sound impressive to those who desperately want them to be true and the utterly gullible. You’ll hear past the hyperbole, see beyond the sparkly stuff and help people understand what’s real and reasonable. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You have some- thing so special. Many would love to claim it. And the weird part is that you hardly see it anymore. You’ve had it for so long! Adjust your perspective so you can better love what is already yours. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Today you’ll be rather susceptible to flattery, but so what? You also deserve to be paid attention to. You worked hard to get where you are. So how about you soak it all up? Don’t deflect compli- ments. Just say thank you. CANCER (June 22-July 22). The saying goes, “Never let them see you sweat.” But if you make it look too easy, they’ll heap more work on you. Of course, you don’t want to seem like a hectic mess, either. You’ll find the middle ground on the matter. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Moods come and go like weather. You’re like a region unto yourself. There are typical weather patterns for the region of you, and then sometimes there’s unseasonable anomalies. That’s what’s happening now. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Add this to your routine: a generous pat on the back, from you to you. Of course this is best done privately, but rest assured it’s not the least bit self-cen- tered to recognize your own talents. If you don’t do it, how will others know to? LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Philosophizing has its time, place and purpose. The big-pic- FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE ture thinking can seem like an indulgence when there’s so much practical work to be done, but go on and indulge, because it will be essential to getting things right. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Since you’re still not totally sure about your next move, don’t make one. You can afford to hang out in this phase a while longer. Write down the ideas. Talk it out. Ask questions. Research. Brainstorm. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You have your agenda; they have theirs. Honestly, there may not be a compromise that will make you both happy, so don’t waste too much time in negotiation. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You may get an unusually large number of requests made of you today, and a few demands will be thrown in there, too. This is what comes with getting suddenly popular. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Go often to the well of positive energy. You’ll find it in quotes, books and songs. You’ll find it in the small talk you make with strangers and in the fellowship of friends. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You might be surprised at what you’re willing to do to please a person who happens to be excep- tionally charming, attractive and funny. Also, you might be surprised at what people are willing to do for you for the same reasons. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 31). This year you strive for reasonable idealism. You’ll serve your values well and you’ll also aim for a few impossibilities, because pushing yourself has historically led to remarkable achievement. Gemini and Aries adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4, 44, 3, 30 and 15.
