THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TUESDAY, JANUARY 30, 2018
FEATURES
Boyfriend running to mommy
Dear Annie: My boyfriend, outside authority figure’s opinion
“Mike,” and I are in our late 20s and on each of your fights, perhaps he
have been together for five years. would be open to the idea of seeing
Our issues stem from his calling a couples therapist. Though your
his mom during every argument we issues might not seem so serious,
have — whether it’s small or large. couples can always benefit from
It adds strain and stress to every- having more tools in their shared
thing, but he doesn’t see it.
communication toolbox.
DEAR
I have asked him several
A counselor could also
times to stop, but he either
help him see the way his
ANNIE
gets defensive and accuses
mother-son venting ses-
sions are holding back his
me of not liking his mom
relationship and personal
or just ignores me. I actu-
ally really like his mom,
development.
but when she only hears
Dear Annie: I am writ-
ing in response to the let-
the bad stuff, it makes it
ter from “One-Upped,”
harder to keep a good rela-
Lane
tionship with her. Don’t Annie
whose friend tends to
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
get me wrong; I value her
one-up her stories. I am
opinion, and I think she’s a
trained as a counselor, and
very smart woman. But I can’t take during my schooling, I learned to
this any longer! I love him, and I empathize with clients by shar-
really want us all to get along, but ing in the form of “I experienced
I feel that they team against me x, and I found y.” I have also been
during arguments. I don’t know told by friends that I reply to their
stories with my own similar sto-
what else to do. — Michigan
Dear Michigan: It’s time for ries, and I can assure you I never
this mama’s boy to become his own intend it to be a one-up. It is a mat-
man. By calling his mother every ter of difference in communication
time you fight, your boyfriend is styles. So I agree with your sugges-
not only being unfair to you but tion to kindly mention that it both-
also doing himself a disservice, ers her but also to have mercy with
because it’s in his best interest for her new friend because old habits
his mom to like his girlfriend. See- die hard and intentions are usually
ing as he seems inclined to get an good.
Also, regarding the friend’s
repeating stories, I wonder what
age her friend is. I ask because my
mom has repeated the same stories
every night for a while now. It frus-
trates me, too, and I am ashamed
to admit I do cut her off and tell
her she already said that. But I try
to have mercy because it could be
dementia, stress or a combination
of the two. And aging is scary. We
all will most likely be in that place
one day if we are lucky enough to
live a long life, and I hope I am
treated with mercy when I am the
one doing it.
Just wanted to give some more
food for thought. As I’ve aged, I’ve
found that good friends are few and
far between, and none of us is per-
fect, so if we are lucky enough to
find a friend who is interesting, is
kind and shares our interests, we
should overlook minor flaws. This
world could use a lot more kind-
ness, more than ever right now. —
Been There and Will Be
Dear Been There and Will Be:
You make a great point about your
training as a counselor. Perhaps the
perceived one-upmanship is just an
attempt at empathizing. It’s at least
worth considering. I second your
call for kindness, and I wish you
and your mother the best.
5A
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Glittering
generalities sound impressive to those who
desperately want them to be true and the
utterly gullible. You’ll hear past the hyperbole,
see beyond the sparkly stuff and help people
understand what’s real and reasonable.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You have some-
thing so special. Many would love to claim
it. And the weird part is that you hardly see
it anymore. You’ve had it for so long! Adjust
your perspective so you can better love what
is already yours.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Today you’ll be
rather susceptible to flattery, but so what?
You also deserve to be paid attention to. You
worked hard to get where you are. So how
about you soak it all up? Don’t deflect compli-
ments. Just say thank you.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). The saying
goes, “Never let them see you sweat.” But if
you make it look too easy, they’ll heap more
work on you. Of course, you don’t want to
seem like a hectic mess, either. You’ll find the
middle ground on the matter.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Moods come and go
like weather. You’re like a region unto yourself.
There are typical weather patterns for the
region of you, and then sometimes there’s
unseasonable anomalies. That’s what’s
happening now.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Add this to your
routine: a generous pat on the back, from you
to you. Of course this is best done privately,
but rest assured it’s not the least bit self-cen-
tered to recognize your own talents. If you
don’t do it, how will others know to?
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Philosophizing
has its time, place and purpose. The big-pic-
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
ture thinking can seem like an indulgence
when there’s so much practical work to be
done, but go on and indulge, because it will
be essential to getting things right.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Since you’re
still not totally sure about your next move,
don’t make one. You can afford to hang out
in this phase a while longer. Write down the
ideas. Talk it out. Ask questions. Research.
Brainstorm.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You have
your agenda; they have theirs. Honestly, there
may not be a compromise that will make you
both happy, so don’t waste too much time in
negotiation.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You may
get an unusually large number of requests
made of you today, and a few demands will
be thrown in there, too. This is what comes
with getting suddenly popular.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Go often
to the well of positive energy. You’ll find it in
quotes, books and songs. You’ll find it in the
small talk you make with strangers and in the
fellowship of friends.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You might
be surprised at what you’re willing to do to
please a person who happens to be excep-
tionally charming, attractive and funny. Also,
you might be surprised at what people are
willing to do for you for the same reasons.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 31). This
year you strive for reasonable idealism. You’ll
serve your values well and you’ll also aim
for a few impossibilities, because pushing
yourself has historically led to remarkable
achievement. Gemini and Aries adore you.
Your lucky numbers are: 4, 44, 3, 30 and 15.