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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 5, 2018)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, JANUARY 5, 2018
Friend’s annoying social habits
Dear Annie: Over the past
Her serial one-upmanship
six months, a wonderful friend- may be an attempt, however
ship has been developing with a misguided, at impressing and
potential friend who enjoys the connecting with you. You can try
cultural and outdoor activities gently raising the subject: “Have
that I do. We are both exchang- you ever noticed that when I tell
ing viewpoints, backgrounds, a story, you seem to have a ten-
dency to tell a similar
likes and dislikes freely.
but more extreme story?
However, I have two
I think you’re trying to
problems: When I share
relate, but sometimes it
my experience about a
makes me feel as though
difficult health situation
what I had to say wasn’t
or maybe a familial sit-
uation, she has to top
important.” She’s prob-
ably annoyed other peo-
it or go one better with
ple with this habit, too,
her own personal expe-
riences. I don’t ever feel
and you’d be doing her
as if she’s really listen- Annie
a favor by bringing it to
ing in a compassion-
her attention so she has
ate way. And some-
the chance to correct the
times her response doesn’t even behavior.
relate to the actual topic at hand.
But the one-upmanship and
The other difficulty is that she repeat storytelling could also
repeats and repeats her own sto- be a case of pure self-absorp-
ries. I respond — kindly, I hope tion. In that case, calling the
— with “Yes, I remember you issue to her attention would do
telling me about that.” How can little to change it, and you’d
I bring about changes without have to look for close friendship
hurting feelings or losing the elsewhere.
Dear Annie: I’m writing in
friendship? — One-Upped
Dear One-Upped: Though to sound the alarm bells. I just
relating to a friend is nice, listen- read the letter from “Problems
ing is even better. That’s some- in Pennsylvania” — about her
thing your new friend doesn’t husband’s porn habit, as well as
seem to understand.
his sudden interest in connect-
ing with friends on Facebook
— and it could have been the
story of my ex. He had become
more and more interested in sex-
ual fantasies and looking at porn
online, and when I realized his
interest in our marital intimacy
had diminished, I discovered
long letters and conversations
he was having with old girl-
friends on Facebook, in which
he expressed a desire to hook
up again, with some very sug-
gestive language. I subsequently
learned that some meetings were
taking place, and I moved out.
When he begged me to come
back, promising he wouldn’t
continue, I foolishly did. Not a
month later, I learned he was in
a new affair, and this resulted in
our divorce. I do believe, look-
ing back at other behaviors, that
he was a sex addict. Don’t over-
look the warning signs. — Been
Dear Been There: No voice
is wiser than that which speaks
from direct experience. Thanks
for sharing your cautionary tale.
Readers, if you think your
spouse may be a sex addict, visit
the S-Anon International Family
Groups website for resources:
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Doing things
right takes twice as much time as doing them
wrong, except when you take into account
all the time you’ll spend fixing and redoing.
When you include that part in the calculation,
doing things wrong takes three times longer.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You’ll be
entertained by your own subconscious. The
ideas that pop into your head will surprise
and delight you. Your wild imagination is a
talent that the best people around you will
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You want to
focus on the basics — work and relation-
ships — but the non-essentials seem so
much more fun. Why resist? There are silly
adventures to be had and bits of ridiculous
fun to grab.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Usually when
the tug of war is over, someone has been
dragged through the mud. When you feel the
first resistance, consider bowing out of the
game. You may not win, but you’ll stay clean.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Poor communication
is never the problem of one person. The “co”
in “communication” gives it away. It’s as much
about what’s expressed as it is how that
expression is received.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). It’s more fun to
visit places you’ve never seen with people
you know well. The shared excitement of
exploring builds bonds. If this dynamic isn’t in
your immediate future, plan something.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You know a lot.
You also know not to say all you know,
because as interesting as your wealth of
knowledge is, people prefer it in brief doses.
Instead you’ll focus on listening and encour-
FRANK AND ERNEST
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
WIZARD OF ID
ROSE IS ROSE
aging others to play along.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Here’s a coun-
terintuitive remedy to stress that will actually
work today: Increase your task load. That’s
right: Take on even more responsibility. Ev-
erything will magically fall in order, and you’ll
get it all done.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Someone
wants to leap into your world, but don’t let it
happen. It will be far more effective to slowly
envelop them. Create a journey you both can
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). When it
comes to love, today you’re dangerously
unguarded, opening your heart based on
nothing but an intuitive notion. Ultimately the
rewards will more than match your risk.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). It will feel
really good to handle what isn’t working. Get
repairs. Mend the tears. Fix whatever needs
it. And if it still won’t go, it will feel even better
to cut your losses.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). When two peo-
ple have more or less the same conversation
over and over again without understanding
each other’s needs any better than when
they started, this is an illustration of poor
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 6). Your
solar return begins with a flurry of activity in
your personal life. You’ll be making an import-
ant commitment, too. You’ll find it easier to
make money with what you learn in April. If
you need a fresh start, May brings renewal
and a clean slate. You’ll acquire property or
a new vehicle for a great price in July. Virgo
and Libra adore you. Your lucky numbers are:
48, 1, 13, 33 and 50.