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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 27, 2017)
6A FEATURES Mom adds strain to relationship Dear Annie: My boyfriend on her behalf, but I don’t know and I are starting to get serious, what to do or say. Annie, I don’t and everything is going smoothly want to create conflict between except for one constant bump in my boyfriend and his mother, but the road: his mother. His dad is I don’t want to have to fight over out of the picture. She is single, him. Though her behavior irri- and he is an only child and lives tates me, I would still like to get along with her, but she so at home. She desperately DEAR clearly dislikes me, and wants him to be a mama’s nothing I’ve tried so far boy, but he never has been ANNIE has changed that. How and never will be, which do I ensure that she will frustrates her. She needs back off a bit so that my to know where he is, texts relationship can continue him constantly, becomes to grow? — No More judgmental when he Tug of War drinks any alcohol or is Dear No More Tug out late, and demands Lane of War: It takes two to his constant attention. He Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. engage in tug of war, so used to be able to main- tain a balance; he would step away from the rope choose his battles but also try to and stay out of the mud. Meet talk her down and explain to her any of her rudeness with kind- that he is an adult and can make ness. But do talk to your boy- his own choices. However, she friend about how you’re feeling. seems to get needier as he and I It sounds as though his mom is overly dependent on him and he’s get closer. I try my best to be friendly enabling this dynamic. Though and kind when I interact with her, moving out would certainly help but I’ve overheard conversations give him space from his mom, between the two of them (I know; he might bring guilt with him, I shouldn’t eavesdrop) that basi- and then the codependent pattern cally come down to her accusing might continue. Encourage him to me of taking him away and being attend a few therapy sessions so a bad influence. He is aware of he can get a clearer perspective how difficult she is and apologizes of his own emotional needs. Until he establishes healthy boundaries with her, it will be impossible for him to have a healthy relationship with you. Dear Annie: I reluctantly agree with your assertion that “anyone who can’t afford to leave a tip shouldn’t be eating out in the first place.” But you missed an opportunity to point out the absur- dity of the modern tip system. Tips are supposed to reward excellent service, not serve as mandatory wage supplements. Today service workers are being paid less than minimum wage in most places solely because the economic system has adapted to assume that standard levels of service will always be acknowl- edged by an “optional” payment, whose standard value has risen from 15 percent to 18 percent to 20 percent just over the past cou- ple of decades. Servers should be paid at least the same minimum wage as everyone else, and restaurants should adjust their prices accord- ingly. — Just a Tip for You Dear Just a Tip for You: I agree with you. I’d love to see that system change here in the United States. Here’s hoping — though I’m not holding my breath. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2017 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). You don’t have to be the cause of an event to feel that you’re the one to do something about it. If all you do is hope for the best, you will be doing more than most. Of course, you’ll take bigger action than that. It’s who you are. each hour like it’s the last. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You have plenty that you can leverage into plenty more. It’s all how you play it. Step back and assess where you are. Talk to outsiders about it — people who see you more objectively than you can. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Positive leaders and influences will help get your mind off of nagging issues that can’t be changed. They’ll inspire you instead to start dealing with things that can be changed: There’s so much to work with in that realm. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). When you act to please people, the opposite will happen — not always, just today. See, it’s really supposed to be your turn. So take care of your own needs, and pursue what delights you. People will like you all the more for it. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Narrow your focus. If you go too broad, people will have no idea how to relate to you, where to hook in or what to do with you. Home in on the one thing you want that people can support you in now. You’ll make friends. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There are things that should be discussed, and a lot that shouldn’t. Discretion will be the better part of diplomacy. The proverb states, “Even a fish wouldn’t get into trouble if it kept its mouth shut.” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Common sense isn’t always common practice. If anyone can get in there and improve the ratio of logical action to nonsense, it’s you. Bonus: You have a nice way of getting people to see it your way. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You’ll spend time in planning mode and in living mode too. You’re doing this right. When in planning mode, you think of the long term and the distant results. But when you’re in living mode, you seize FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). A key secret to love, war and life in general: Know when to get out. Everything has its cycle. Leave the party when the going is good and you’ll have the right energy for what’s next. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The more you care about others the more they care about you. Respect is the same. You’ve a healthy amount of it flowing through your world now to command and to give. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). It’s as though your purpose clears a path for you. Once you know why you’re doing a thing, you can figure out how to do it much more easily. Also, you can understand, see and tolerate things better. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). The quarrel- some people tend to find each other — or rather, they bring it out in each other. Avoid them altogether, because they’ll be especially difficult, and there’s no sense in messing up the perfect peace available to you today. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Dec. 28). Discuss how you feel, because that will tell people more about you than any fact you could share. Why do you want them to know? The better they know you, the better they can help you or allow you to help them. Your relationships are your gold. The connections you make will bring you your heart’s desire. Scorpio and Pisces adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 3, 22, 31, 25 and 5.