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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (May 25, 2017)
6A FEATURES Harboring hatred for mother Dear Annie: In 2013, I lost my used that incident to poison my brother to a drug-induced heart niece against me. She forced my attack. At the time of his death, he niece to tell me that she didn’t want had just learned that his daugh- to see me. I did the only thing I could think ter had brain cancer. My beautiful niece was just 12 years old when of. I mailed her a greeting card every single day for months. In she was diagnosed. those cards, I let her know My parents took her in. DEAR how much I loved her and I was not happy about this. missed her. I endured horrible abuse ANNIE I was not the only one at the hands of my mother who wasn’t allowed to be and stepfather as a child. a part of my niece’s life. I considered filing for full Other family members custody of my niece, but were not permitted to see an attorney advised me that her at all. My niece missed the legal battle could be out on all this love. detrimental to my niece’s Annie Lane She died a year later. I health. Creators Syndicate Inc. was allowed to see her for I tried to visit my niece, 10 minutes the night she but my mother allowed only one visit. During that visit, I passed. My problem is that I can’t for- tried to talk to my niece about her dad. I wanted to tell her stories about give my mother. I am full of hatred how wonderful her father was. My for her. It’s so bad that I can’t wait mother interrupted, saying I wasn’t until she takes her last breath and allowed to discuss my brother in her leaves this earth. The anger and hatred inside of me are overwhelm- house. She couldn’t handle it. My mother then brainwashed ing me. I know that I should forgive my niece into believing that I some- how ruined her last Thanksgiving her, not for her but for myself, but I with her father. I remember that can’t. I can’t let go of the devastat- Thanksgiving. I was upset with my ing loss of my niece and the fact that brother because he had been miss- I was denied her company while she ing all day. He had been out using was dying. I think that my mother is drugs, so I scolded him. My mother the most evil and selfish person to walk the face of the earth. So I ask you: What is left for me to do? — Still Grieving in Upstate New York Dear Still Grieving: I am so sorry for the loss of your niece and brother. Each of their deaths con- stituted a serious trauma to you, your mother and your whole fam- ily. Those were the times when you needed one another’s support and love the most, which makes it all the more hurtful that your mother would behave the way she did. But as you’ve recognized yourself, you must find a way to move past your rage, for your own sake. As Mark Twain said, “anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Please consider seeing a grief counselor and attending a support group for adults who were vic- tims of child abuse, such as Help for Adult Victims Of Child Abuse (https://www.havoca.org). Because you’re carrying emotional scars from worrying about your broth- er’s addiction, Nar-Anon might be a therapeutic space, too. Once you start healing the wounds, you will find yourself less interested in clinging to anger and may even find a way to make peace with your mother, in your own way. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • THURSDAY, MAY 25, 2017 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). What affects you directly will affect others indirectly. We’re all tied together, whether or not we want to be. Our wants do not change the way things are. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). If you can’t seem to muster up a positive attitude or visualize the ideal outcome, don’t worry, because today you’ll be much better off just being yourself and approaching things in your usual down-to-earth way. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). For reasons lost in the mist of time, you still manage the logis- tical details of your work with some degree of redundancy. You’re either not using or not trusting new technology. Remedy this today. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You want to make gains but are afraid to risk and possibly lose the gains you’ve already made. To min- imize loss and avoid danger is a legitimate aim. Don’t let daring people persuade you otherwise. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There’s no need to fight over who is right. You’re both right; you just have different styles. As long as you stay focused on the same aim and are respectful in the way you disagree with one another, this team can win. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You will definitely need some confidence to get through the next challenge, but not a swaggering “I am the greatest” kind of confidence. Rather, you’ll simply need the “I believe I can” type. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You’ve such an engaging personality that, in certain areas, you’ve gotten by on charm instead of skills. Today you’ll be given (or create for yourself) the opportunity to circle back and pick up those skills you missed. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). It will be pretty easy to get going on today’s mission. You have something to prove and a strong reason for demonstrating that to others and finally receiving the validation you deserve. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The Easterners say that separateness is an illusion, while the Westerners say we should each make the most of ourselves. What’s the balance? Amazingly, you’ll strike it today. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Be ready with plan B. The stronger your fallback plan is, the likelier it is that your first choice will succeed. The law of detachment applies here, but don’t think too deeply into it. Just know that it’s good to be prepared. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). What you care about is getting better. Because you’re so focused on improving, you will. Just keep in mind that progress isn’t always readily ap- parent, but as long as you’re learning, you’re also growing. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). In order to stay motivated today, you need to know you’re progressing quickly toward your aim. Break the goal down to smaller sub-goals you can reward and celebrate along the way. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (May 26). You’re in the driver’s seat this year, but not all of time — which is good, because some- times it’s more fun when you don’t know exactly where things are going. June brings commitment and stability, while August is more about the freedom to pursue what you imagine. A unique partnership sets projects sailing in October. Aries and Aquarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 49, 3, 33, 28 and 16.
