6A
FEATURES
Harboring hatred for mother
Dear Annie: In 2013, I lost my used that incident to poison my
brother to a drug-induced heart niece against me. She forced my
attack. At the time of his death, he niece to tell me that she didn’t want
had just learned that his daugh- to see me.
I did the only thing I could think
ter had brain cancer. My beautiful
niece was just 12 years old when of. I mailed her a greeting card
every single day for months. In
she was diagnosed.
those cards, I let her know
My parents took her in.
DEAR
how much I loved her and
I was not happy about this.
missed her.
I endured horrible abuse
ANNIE
I was not the only one
at the hands of my mother
who wasn’t allowed to be
and stepfather as a child.
a part of my niece’s life.
I considered filing for full
Other family members
custody of my niece, but
were not permitted to see
an attorney advised me that
her at all. My niece missed
the legal battle could be
out on all this love.
detrimental to my niece’s
Annie Lane
She died a year later. I
health.
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
was allowed to see her for
I tried to visit my niece,
10 minutes the night she
but my mother allowed
only one visit. During that visit, I passed.
My problem is that I can’t for-
tried to talk to my niece about her
dad. I wanted to tell her stories about give my mother. I am full of hatred
how wonderful her father was. My for her. It’s so bad that I can’t wait
mother interrupted, saying I wasn’t until she takes her last breath and
allowed to discuss my brother in her leaves this earth. The anger and
hatred inside of me are overwhelm-
house. She couldn’t handle it.
My mother then brainwashed ing me.
I know that I should forgive
my niece into believing that I some-
how ruined her last Thanksgiving her, not for her but for myself, but I
with her father. I remember that can’t. I can’t let go of the devastat-
Thanksgiving. I was upset with my ing loss of my niece and the fact that
brother because he had been miss- I was denied her company while she
ing all day. He had been out using was dying. I think that my mother is
drugs, so I scolded him. My mother the most evil and selfish person to
walk the face of the earth. So I ask
you: What is left for me to do? —
Still Grieving in Upstate New York
Dear Still Grieving: I am so
sorry for the loss of your niece and
brother. Each of their deaths con-
stituted a serious trauma to you,
your mother and your whole fam-
ily. Those were the times when you
needed one another’s support and
love the most, which makes it all
the more hurtful that your mother
would behave the way she did. But
as you’ve recognized yourself, you
must find a way to move past your
rage, for your own sake. As Mark
Twain said, “anger is an acid that
can do more harm to the vessel in
which it is stored than to anything
on which it is poured.”
Please consider seeing a grief
counselor and attending a support
group for adults who were vic-
tims of child abuse, such as Help
for Adult Victims Of Child Abuse
(https://www.havoca.org). Because
you’re carrying emotional scars
from worrying about your broth-
er’s addiction, Nar-Anon might be
a therapeutic space, too.
Once you start healing the
wounds, you will find yourself less
interested in clinging to anger and
may even find a way to make peace
with your mother, in your own way.
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • THURSDAY, MAY 25, 2017
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). What affects you
directly will affect others indirectly. We’re all
tied together, whether or not we want to be.
Our wants do not change the way things are.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). If you can’t
seem to muster up a positive attitude or
visualize the ideal outcome, don’t worry,
because today you’ll be much better off just
being yourself and approaching things in
your usual down-to-earth way.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). For reasons lost
in the mist of time, you still manage the logis-
tical details of your work with some degree
of redundancy. You’re either not using or not
trusting new technology. Remedy this today.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You want to
make gains but are afraid to risk and possibly
lose the gains you’ve already made. To min-
imize loss and avoid danger is a legitimate
aim. Don’t let daring people persuade you
otherwise.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There’s no need to
fight over who is right. You’re both right; you
just have different styles. As long as you stay
focused on the same aim and are respectful
in the way you disagree with one another,
this team can win.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You will definitely
need some confidence to get through the
next challenge, but not a swaggering “I am
the greatest” kind of confidence. Rather, you’ll
simply need the “I believe I can” type.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You’ve such an
engaging personality that, in certain areas,
you’ve gotten by on charm instead of skills.
Today you’ll be given (or create for yourself)
the opportunity to circle back and pick up
those skills you missed.
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). It will be pretty
easy to get going on today’s mission. You
have something to prove and a strong reason
for demonstrating that to others and finally
receiving the validation you deserve.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The
Easterners say that separateness is an
illusion, while the Westerners say we should
each make the most of ourselves. What’s the
balance? Amazingly, you’ll strike it today.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Be ready
with plan B. The stronger your fallback plan
is, the likelier it is that your first choice will
succeed. The law of detachment applies
here, but don’t think too deeply into it. Just
know that it’s good to be prepared.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). What you
care about is getting better. Because you’re
so focused on improving, you will. Just keep
in mind that progress isn’t always readily ap-
parent, but as long as you’re learning, you’re
also growing.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). In order to stay
motivated today, you need to know you’re
progressing quickly toward your aim. Break
the goal down to smaller sub-goals you can
reward and celebrate along the way.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (May 26).
You’re in the driver’s seat this year, but not all
of time — which is good, because some-
times it’s more fun when you don’t know
exactly where things are going. June brings
commitment and stability, while August is
more about the freedom to pursue what you
imagine. A unique partnership sets projects
sailing in October. Aries and Aquarius adore
you. Your lucky numbers are: 49, 3, 33, 28
and 16.