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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (April 3, 2017)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, APRIL 3, 2017 FEATURES Ambivalent about abusive mate Dear Annie: My husband and mutual likes. Since we moved I recently put our house on the south, his verbal abuse has market and moved to the South to decreased. We attended counsel- spend our retirement there. I am 64, ing before the move. The counselor and he is 73. It is my second mar- said that he needs to stop drinking riage and his third. The house went and that his abuse is alcohol-driven. under contract, and I went north to He will not give up drinking. He hit clean up and sell every- me once, and I left him; I DEAR thing. He stayed home with only agreed to go back if we went to counseling. the animals. The house ANNIE sale fell through, and I am He has made my life relisting. He wants me to very comfortable, and I come home and close up have given him the com- the house. I do not want panionship he needs, but to keep it empty. He cries there is something miss- every night that we talk. ing. We have many friends. I am not destitute, by any The problem is that I Lane means, but my lifestyle don’t miss him. We have Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. would be compromised been married for eight if I divorced him. I am a years. We did not live together before marriage. When very young and active 64-year-old we got married, I knew he drank a with many hobbies and talents. My lot, but I didn’t realize that if there physical feelings for him are cold. is something on his mind while He treats me like a daughter. He is a he’s drinking he becomes ver- good man, and all of his friends tell bally abusive. On average, he ver- me what a great catch he is. They bally abuses me every other week, know he drinks but think nothing depending on whether anything is of it. He is a retired state trooper. I troubling him. He calls me names am not unhappy with him, but I am using bad language. He has severe not happy, either. Please advise. — obsessive-compulsive disorder and Stagnating in the South Dear Stagnant: It is unaccept- sleep apnea. He does not take med- ication for either. We cannot sleep able for your husband to abuse you, verbally or physically. Do not together because of the apnea. We do, however, have some downplay the importance of your own well-being. You deserve to feel safe, happy and free. Reach out to counselors at Safe Horizon (800-621-HOPE), who specialize in assisting victims of verbal abuse, for more guidance on the subject, and if he ever physically abuses you again, call 911. The “something missing” you mention is something that’s missing not from your relationship but from your husband. You can encourage him to seek help, but you cannot control the outcome. Please con- sider attending an Al-Anon Family Groups meeting in your town. Try a few different groups. Dear Annie: I have been a reader of advice columns since approximately 1958, when I first learned to read a newspaper. I want to compliment you on doing a great job. You show com- passion and good sense daily. Your printing “B.R.’s” response to “Feeling So Bad” — about how people deal with terminal illness — triggered my note. My mother also cut everyone off during her final ill- ness. I thought it was a mistake, but it was her choice. And you are clearly a feminist! You don’t let men or women get away with much! Just sign me... — An Older Fan of the Newer Wave 5A TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). The question on your heart is a good one. So good, in fact, that there are more elements affecting the matter than you can imagine. Just keep thinking like you are. You’ll be a part of a change. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Much can be accomplished through lists and organized ef- forts, but even the most extensive list cannot control the uncontrollable. You’ll be dealing with forces that can’t be tamed via writing. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). At any point in a relationship, someone loves harder. Which one is loving harder? You. You seem to be always loving harder. What is going on with this? Back off. Receive. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). What- ever the problem is, you can make it better. Maybe you can’t solve it today, but you can improve things. Take the big issue and make it smaller. If it’s still too big, make it smaller still, until it’s small enough to solve. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Health has many levels. Certainly it’s not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. The health you are striving for is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’ve done the research, and you’ve put your theories to the test. Now you know how to go about the job. In order to take it to the next level, teach your way and learn theirs. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Your day will center on one idea. This contemplation will guide your action. It will change your conver- sations. It will change the order in which you do things. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). It’s pretty clear that the people around you have a different set of rules. If you play by those, you won’t achieve to the heights of your ability. Take charge. Set the bar for yourself, and set it high. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). The heart of ambition beats loud in you today. You’ll get up to the mountain peak and realize there’s a higher one over yonder. A panoramic view from the top will make all of this climbing worth the effort. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’re very care- ful about what you require of others, asking only things that you’ve personally endeav- ored. “Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.” — A.H. Weiler LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Some say knowl- edge is good and ignorance is evil. Others suggest that there’s nothing more dangerous than a little bit of knowledge. Since you can’t unknow things, be careful about what you try to learn. Follow your moral compass. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ll swim between two schools of thought today. One is very logical; the other is intuitive. The numbers won’t lie, but they’ll never tell the whole story, either. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (April 4). You’re serious about your goals, and yet your tone is so joyous and light that you create a happier world with your laughter. Next month brings money to your pocket. June is your chance to seize love. July will bring a small but meaningful change that you’ll be assimilating thereafter. Happiness flows from the August love. Cancer and Libra adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4, 33, 29, 28 and 1.