THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, APRIL 3, 2017
FEATURES
Ambivalent about abusive mate
Dear Annie: My husband and mutual likes. Since we moved
I recently put our house on the south, his verbal abuse has
market and moved to the South to decreased. We attended counsel-
spend our retirement there. I am 64, ing before the move. The counselor
and he is 73. It is my second mar- said that he needs to stop drinking
riage and his third. The house went and that his abuse is alcohol-driven.
under contract, and I went north to He will not give up drinking. He hit
clean up and sell every-
me once, and I left him; I
DEAR
thing. He stayed home with
only agreed to go back if
we went to counseling.
the animals. The house
ANNIE
sale fell through, and I am
He has made my life
relisting. He wants me to
very comfortable, and I
come home and close up
have given him the com-
the house. I do not want
panionship he needs, but
to keep it empty. He cries
there is something miss-
every night that we talk.
ing. We have many friends.
I am not destitute, by any
The problem is that I
Lane
means, but my lifestyle
don’t miss him. We have Annie
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
would be compromised
been married for eight
if I divorced him. I am a
years. We did not live
together before marriage. When very young and active 64-year-old
we got married, I knew he drank a with many hobbies and talents. My
lot, but I didn’t realize that if there physical feelings for him are cold.
is something on his mind while He treats me like a daughter. He is a
he’s drinking he becomes ver- good man, and all of his friends tell
bally abusive. On average, he ver- me what a great catch he is. They
bally abuses me every other week, know he drinks but think nothing
depending on whether anything is of it. He is a retired state trooper. I
troubling him. He calls me names am not unhappy with him, but I am
using bad language. He has severe not happy, either. Please advise. —
obsessive-compulsive disorder and Stagnating in the South
Dear Stagnant: It is unaccept-
sleep apnea. He does not take med-
ication for either. We cannot sleep able for your husband to abuse
you, verbally or physically. Do not
together because of the apnea.
We do, however, have some downplay the importance of your
own well-being. You deserve to
feel safe, happy and free. Reach
out to counselors at Safe Horizon
(800-621-HOPE), who specialize
in assisting victims of verbal abuse,
for more guidance on the subject,
and if he ever physically abuses
you again, call 911.
The “something missing” you
mention is something that’s missing
not from your relationship but from
your husband. You can encourage
him to seek help, but you cannot
control the outcome. Please con-
sider attending an Al-Anon Family
Groups meeting in your town. Try
a few different groups.
Dear Annie: I have been a
reader of advice columns since
approximately 1958, when I first
learned to read a newspaper.
I want to compliment you on
doing a great job. You show com-
passion and good sense daily.
Your printing “B.R.’s” response
to “Feeling So Bad” — about how
people deal with terminal illness —
triggered my note. My mother also
cut everyone off during her final ill-
ness. I thought it was a mistake, but
it was her choice.
And you are clearly a feminist!
You don’t let men or women get
away with much! Just sign me... —
An Older Fan of the Newer Wave
5A
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). The question
on your heart is a good one. So good, in
fact, that there are more elements affecting
the matter than you can imagine. Just keep
thinking like you are. You’ll be a part of a
change.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Much can be
accomplished through lists and organized ef-
forts, but even the most extensive list cannot
control the uncontrollable. You’ll be dealing
with forces that can’t be tamed via writing.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). At any point in
a relationship, someone loves harder. Which
one is loving harder? You. You seem to be
always loving harder. What is going on with
this? Back off. Receive.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). What-
ever the problem is, you can make it better.
Maybe you can’t solve it today, but you can
improve things. Take the big issue and make
it smaller. If it’s still too big, make it smaller
still, until it’s small enough to solve.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Health has many
levels. Certainly it’s not merely the absence
of disease or infirmity. The health you are
striving for is a state of complete physical,
mental and social well-being.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’ve
done the research, and you’ve put your
theories to the test. Now you know how to go
about the job. In order to take it to the next
level, teach your way and learn theirs.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Your day will
center on one idea. This contemplation will
guide your action. It will change your conver-
sations. It will change the order in which you
do things.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). It’s pretty
clear that the people around you have a
different set of rules. If you play by those, you
won’t achieve to the heights of your ability.
Take charge. Set the bar for yourself, and set
it high.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). The heart of
ambition beats loud in you today. You’ll get
up to the mountain peak and realize there’s
a higher one over yonder. A panoramic view
from the top will make all of this climbing
worth the effort.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’re very care-
ful about what you require of others, asking
only things that you’ve personally endeav-
ored. “Nothing is impossible for the man who
doesn’t have to do it himself.” — A.H. Weiler
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Some say knowl-
edge is good and ignorance is evil. Others
suggest that there’s nothing more dangerous
than a little bit of knowledge. Since you can’t
unknow things, be careful about what you try
to learn. Follow your moral compass.
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ll swim
between two schools of thought today. One
is very logical; the other is intuitive. The
numbers won’t lie, but they’ll never tell the
whole story, either.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (April 4).
You’re serious about your goals, and yet
your tone is so joyous and light that you
create a happier world with your laughter.
Next month brings money to your pocket.
June is your chance to seize love. July will
bring a small but meaningful change that
you’ll be assimilating thereafter. Happiness
flows from the August love. Cancer and
Libra adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4,
33, 29, 28 and 1.