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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 10, 2017)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2017 FEATURES Dealing with debilitating grief Dear Annie: I am a 69-year- is that I am a total mess. Friends old man who, until now, only and family are calling me to come read your column periodically. to dinner. I don’t want to be around Each time I read your advice to people as I grieve; I prefer to be someone, I would say to myself, alone all of the time. Our house is “Hmm, that’s really good advice.” just as it was on the day she died I never ever thought that I would because I simply can’t part with need to write to you. Well, her things at this time. Yet DEAR now I am eating those seeing these things sends words. me into pain and sobbing ANNIE sessions that may last for In late August, I lost the most important per- hours. I have completely son in my life to inoper- lost faith in everything, and I don’t trust profes- able pancreatic cancer. sionals. I have joined sev- My wife was diagnosed in eral grief support groups, June 2014, and despite the but I do not find solace in fact that the cancer spread Lane them yet. to three additional organs, Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. My wife and I spent she fought back. This 50 years of our lives amazing woman refused to let the cancer win. She went together. She was my best friend, on with her life, and even though my soul mate and my only love. she received chemo and radiation Without her, I feel empty and therapy on a regular basis, as well incomplete. Although people keep as numerous medications, she telling me that things eventually will get better, I have my doubts. refused to give in. I drove her to every doctor’s I am trying to take care of myself appointment and every radiation and to do the things I believe she and chemotherapy appointment, would want me to do if she were as well as all over the country as still alive. The only thing I really we searched for clinical trials. have difficulty doing is sleeping. I However, after two-plus years, would appreciate any advice you her fragile body could fight no can offer. — Neil Dear Neil: I know that nothing longer, and she died in my arms. The reason I am writing to you I say can reduce the enormity of your loss — that my response may come across as cliched or maybe even a little hollow — because in the face of such grief, words look ridiculous and small. Still, I must say, with all of my heart, that I am so sorry for your loss. In these times of deep grief, turn to the memories you and your wife shared. Let them warm you through the night like a blanket. They are eternal. No one can ever take those away from you. Your wife lives on in your heart. Let her strength help you through this. Be patient with yourself and permit yourself to grieve as long and as deeply as you need. But it sounds as if your wife was an amazing fighter, and she would want you to fight — to be strong, to wring as much joy and happi- ness out of life as you possibly can, every single glorious day on this earth. You are blessed to have friends and family who want to lift you up. When you are ready, you will let them. One day, someone close to you will find himself in this same unfathomable situation, and your friendship will be his sav- ing grace. Think how proud your wife would be to see you spread that love. 3C TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). For a purpose to be worthy of you it must force you to do new things that stretch you uncomfortably. Another good sign is if the aim causes you to join with others to accomplish what you can’t do alone. fastest ways to excitement is to sidle up to the one with the interesting life and make a new friend. You’ll soon be included in adventures you wouldn’t have known about if you hadn’t reached out. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Don’t expect each step forward to advance your interests, because it won’t work that way. Still, if you’re moving, you’re learning — and that’s what counts. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The new styles don’t always appeal to you. But when you start liking what you see, it’s a sign that it’s for you. Anyway, it will be fun to attend to your image again and bring it up to date. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The way to make this day count for something is to skip past the petty dramas that burble up in the early day. Forgive quickly and be equally quick to admit your own wrongdoing so you can sail on. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Winning isn’t always important to you, but today it will be. To win, you don’t have to be the best in the world; you just have to be the best in the race. That will be easier when you chose the right race. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Later you’ll get with the program, but you’re in a mood to forget about it today. Your creativity will be strengthened by a lackadaisical attitude toward rules and structure. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Self-restraint doesn’t have to be equated with a somber tone. Discipline doesn’t have to dampen your spirit. If anything, people experience your vibrancy because there is less to interfere with it. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your mood: provoc- ative. Your role: troublemaker. Your main asset: a feisty spirit. Your talent: saying the funny kind of thing that makes people wonder whether or not you’re really kidding. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). There’s no point to staying on point. Loosen up and allow yourself to drift to new topics, people, moods, states of mind. Make it count; record your findings along the way. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). It’s not enough to be in agreement with the plan. Unless you’re totally enthusiastic about it, opt out now. Otherwise you’ll be along for a mild and rather joyless ride. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). One of the FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You have a soft spot for those going through emotional tur- moil, because you’ve been there. Wallowing, reflecting and examining each bit won’t help in the least right now. Take a hand and lead the way to action. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 11). You’re getting better at helping yourself succeed, and you’ll see the proof of that before March is over. Family togetherness and adventuring will be a strong theme this year. May is your chance at a position; make sure you like the work that goes along with the title before you say yes. Love vows in July. Leo and Sagittar- ius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 6, 49, 32, 11 and 28.
