THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2017
FEATURES
Dealing with debilitating grief
Dear Annie: I am a 69-year- is that I am a total mess. Friends
old man who, until now, only and family are calling me to come
read your column periodically. to dinner. I don’t want to be around
Each time I read your advice to people as I grieve; I prefer to be
someone, I would say to myself, alone all of the time. Our house is
“Hmm, that’s really good advice.” just as it was on the day she died
I never ever thought that I would because I simply can’t part with
need to write to you. Well,
her things at this time. Yet
DEAR
now I am eating those
seeing these things sends
words.
me into pain and sobbing
ANNIE
sessions that may last for
In late August, I lost
the most important per-
hours. I have completely
son in my life to inoper-
lost faith in everything,
and I don’t trust profes-
able pancreatic cancer.
sionals. I have joined sev-
My wife was diagnosed in
eral grief support groups,
June 2014, and despite the
but I do not find solace in
fact that the cancer spread
Lane
them yet.
to three additional organs, Annie
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
My wife and I spent
she fought back. This
50 years of our lives
amazing woman refused
to let the cancer win. She went together. She was my best friend,
on with her life, and even though my soul mate and my only love.
she received chemo and radiation Without her, I feel empty and
therapy on a regular basis, as well incomplete. Although people keep
as numerous medications, she telling me that things eventually
will get better, I have my doubts.
refused to give in.
I drove her to every doctor’s I am trying to take care of myself
appointment and every radiation and to do the things I believe she
and chemotherapy appointment, would want me to do if she were
as well as all over the country as still alive. The only thing I really
we searched for clinical trials. have difficulty doing is sleeping. I
However, after two-plus years, would appreciate any advice you
her fragile body could fight no can offer. — Neil
Dear Neil: I know that nothing
longer, and she died in my arms.
The reason I am writing to you I say can reduce the enormity of
your loss — that my response may
come across as cliched or maybe
even a little hollow — because in
the face of such grief, words look
ridiculous and small. Still, I must
say, with all of my heart, that I am
so sorry for your loss.
In these times of deep grief,
turn to the memories you and your
wife shared. Let them warm you
through the night like a blanket.
They are eternal. No one can ever
take those away from you. Your
wife lives on in your heart. Let
her strength help you through this.
Be patient with yourself and
permit yourself to grieve as long
and as deeply as you need. But
it sounds as if your wife was an
amazing fighter, and she would
want you to fight — to be strong,
to wring as much joy and happi-
ness out of life as you possibly
can, every single glorious day on
this earth.
You are blessed to have friends
and family who want to lift you
up. When you are ready, you will
let them. One day, someone close
to you will find himself in this
same unfathomable situation, and
your friendship will be his sav-
ing grace. Think how proud your
wife would be to see you spread
that love.
3C
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). For a purpose to
be worthy of you it must force you to do new
things that stretch you uncomfortably. Another
good sign is if the aim causes you to join with
others to accomplish what you can’t do alone.
fastest ways to excitement is to sidle up to the
one with the interesting life and make a new
friend. You’ll soon be included in adventures
you wouldn’t have known about if you hadn’t
reached out.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Don’t expect
each step forward to advance your interests,
because it won’t work that way. Still, if you’re
moving, you’re learning — and that’s what
counts.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The new
styles don’t always appeal to you. But when
you start liking what you see, it’s a sign that
it’s for you. Anyway, it will be fun to attend to
your image again and bring it up to date.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The way to make
this day count for something is to skip past
the petty dramas that burble up in the early
day. Forgive quickly and be equally quick to
admit your own wrongdoing so you can sail
on.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Winning
isn’t always important to you, but today it will
be. To win, you don’t have to be the best in
the world; you just have to be the best in the
race. That will be easier when you chose the
right race.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Later you’ll
get with the program, but you’re in a mood
to forget about it today. Your creativity will
be strengthened by a lackadaisical attitude
toward rules and structure.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Self-restraint
doesn’t have to be equated with a somber
tone. Discipline doesn’t have to dampen your
spirit. If anything, people experience your
vibrancy because there is less to interfere
with it.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your mood: provoc-
ative. Your role: troublemaker. Your main
asset: a feisty spirit. Your talent: saying the
funny kind of thing that makes people wonder
whether or not you’re really kidding.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). There’s no point
to staying on point. Loosen up and allow
yourself to drift to new topics, people, moods,
states of mind. Make it count; record your
findings along the way.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). It’s not enough
to be in agreement with the plan. Unless
you’re totally enthusiastic about it, opt out
now. Otherwise you’ll be along for a mild and
rather joyless ride.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). One of the
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You have a soft
spot for those going through emotional tur-
moil, because you’ve been there. Wallowing,
reflecting and examining each bit won’t help
in the least right now. Take a hand and lead
the way to action.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 11). You’re
getting better at helping yourself succeed,
and you’ll see the proof of that before March
is over. Family togetherness and adventuring
will be a strong theme this year. May is your
chance at a position; make sure you like the
work that goes along with the title before you
say yes. Love vows in July. Leo and Sagittar-
ius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 6, 49,
32, 11 and 28.