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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 6, 2017)
6A FEATURES Forgiving family members Dear Annie: I am struggling wisdom. You’re right; forgiveness with forgiveness. I am the father is more for you than for them. of a beautiful 15-year-old girl. What your nephew did was hor- On Mother’s Day several years rible, and it will take a long time ago, she told me that she had been for your anger to subside enough molested by my nephew, a boy I to make room for any forgive- treated like a son. Unfortunately, ness. Be patient with yourself. Even having the inten- this has completely torn DEAR tion or will to do some- our family apart. We went thing — that is progress through the legal system, ANNIE in the right direction. which was very frustrat- Also know that for- ing, and he has pleaded giving them doesn’t and served his sentence. mean you have to want to What I am trying to spend time with them. It’s do now is find forgive- good to forgive in your ness, but to this day, heart, but it’s important my nephew has denied Lane to maintain a healthy dis- that anything ever hap- Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. tance to protect yourself, pened, and his mother has especially if they are still backed him up on this, as well. So I find myself struggling denying what happened. Dear Annie: I have a won- with forgiving both my nephew and my sister, especially because derful stepson and daughter-in- they have not sought my forgive- law. They are both social and ness or attempted any reconcilia- attend most family events. Over tion to our family as a whole — the many years, they have been which, if things were reversed, as to our house for dinner more than a father, son, brother and uncle, I 30 times and to other relatives’ would feel obligated to do. I pray homes for dinner, as well. The often for help. I know that for- problem is that they never ask to giveness is not for them but for bring anything and never come me, but this has been a struggle, to with a gift of any kind. I have say the least. Thank you for your asked them before to bring what they want to drink, and they don’t response. — Trying to Forgive Dear Trying: I applaud your even do that. Our daughter-in- law says that because she didn’t bring a dish, she will help with the dishes. Our other guests bring something and still help clean up. The problem has lately become exacerbated because they have a baby in tow and now don’t help clean up, as they have to leave early to put the baby to bed. How can I approach them without causing a rift and seem- ing like the ugly stepmom? My husband refuses to say anything. — Tired of the Empty-Handed Dear Tired: Your husband’s refusal to say anything hints that he doesn’t think this sort of eti- quette is really that important. It’s no wonder his son never got the memo on how to be a good din- ner guest. Next time you’re hosting, give your stepson and daughter- in-law very specific instructions. Leave no wiggle room: “Please do me a favor and bring an appe- tizer.” Putting it in those terms will make clear that the appetizer is not just for them and not just to be brought if they feel like it. It’s for helping you, the hostess. You really shouldn’t have to spell that sort of thing out, but as a mother figure, you’ll be doing them a favor. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2017 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). Work under pressure, handle crises, impress your peers, be independent, stand out in a crowd — yes, that’s one way to go. Or you can chill until you’re quiet enough on the inside to see what needs to be done and why. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You own a lot of items. Something about that will be today’s main problem. You may find yourself in elim- ination mode. Instead of asking, “Will I use this someday?” ask, “Do I use it now? Does it work well? Do I love it?” interests. You grow stronger with every conflict you avoid. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The greatest asset you have for making a contribution to the world is yourself. Follow the essential rule every skilled company owner understands: Protect the asset. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Conver- sations get increasingly interesting — not be- cause of what is said, but because of what’s in the pause. Silence will be the connective essence of words. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’re not entirely comfortable making people work for your respect and attention, but it happens that way sometimes. Though you’re too compassionate to make them work too hard, some amount of effort is good for all. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Maybe not today, but someday you’ll regret settling for a poor quality of attention from the people around you. Stand up for yourself. If they don’t show signs of respect, go where your input will be better appreciated. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You may hear the words of contrition you have been waiting for, but how valuable is an apology really? Ultimately it will be deeds, not words, that bring a situation back into balance. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). The day features a rather intricate game. You’ve a talent for strategy today. Plan several moves in advance. A temporary move backward will lead to a giant move forward. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). The cat doesn’t ago- nize about when, where and how to catch the mouse. It watches, alert, and when it feels an advantage it pounces. You benefit from going deeper into the feline nature of your sun-sign symbol. Be the cat. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ll have success when you employ your instinct about what other people like. You’re so adept at placing yourself in the hypothetical, seeing things how others might, empathizing — per- haps because you find the exercise enjoyable. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). When you take a moment to watch the grace of a bird, the elegant pattern of leaves or the peaceful way the grass recognizes the wind, you are letting the nature spirits energize you. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 7). You’ll hear magic words this month. Your opinion of yourself isn’t based on what others think, but it’s nice to be awarded, which you will be — twice this year. March and June are your best financial months. The expansion that happens in September will help you make a difference in someone’s life. Gemini and Leo adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4, 12, 18, 33 and 28. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Resist the tempta- tion to get involved in the struggle. You may want to make things right, but this is not your battle. The combatant’s interests are not your FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE
