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FEATURES
Forgiving family members
Dear Annie: I am struggling wisdom. You’re right; forgiveness
with forgiveness. I am the father is more for you than for them.
of a beautiful 15-year-old girl. What your nephew did was hor-
On Mother’s Day several years rible, and it will take a long time
ago, she told me that she had been for your anger to subside enough
molested by my nephew, a boy I to make room for any forgive-
treated like a son. Unfortunately, ness. Be patient with yourself.
Even having the inten-
this has completely torn
DEAR
tion or will to do some-
our family apart. We went
thing — that is progress
through the legal system,
ANNIE
in the right direction.
which was very frustrat-
Also know that for-
ing, and he has pleaded
giving them doesn’t
and served his sentence.
mean you have to want to
What I am trying to
spend time with them. It’s
do now is find forgive-
good to forgive in your
ness, but to this day,
heart, but it’s important
my nephew has denied
Lane
to maintain a healthy dis-
that anything ever hap- Annie
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
tance to protect yourself,
pened, and his mother has
especially if they are still
backed him up on this, as
well. So I find myself struggling denying what happened.
Dear Annie: I have a won-
with forgiving both my nephew
and my sister, especially because derful stepson and daughter-in-
they have not sought my forgive- law. They are both social and
ness or attempted any reconcilia- attend most family events. Over
tion to our family as a whole — the many years, they have been
which, if things were reversed, as to our house for dinner more than
a father, son, brother and uncle, I 30 times and to other relatives’
would feel obligated to do. I pray homes for dinner, as well. The
often for help. I know that for- problem is that they never ask to
giveness is not for them but for bring anything and never come
me, but this has been a struggle, to with a gift of any kind. I have
say the least. Thank you for your asked them before to bring what
they want to drink, and they don’t
response. — Trying to Forgive
Dear Trying: I applaud your even do that. Our daughter-in-
law says that because she didn’t
bring a dish, she will help with
the dishes. Our other guests bring
something and still help clean up.
The problem has lately become
exacerbated because they have a
baby in tow and now don’t help
clean up, as they have to leave
early to put the baby to bed.
How can I approach them
without causing a rift and seem-
ing like the ugly stepmom? My
husband refuses to say anything.
— Tired of the Empty-Handed
Dear Tired: Your husband’s
refusal to say anything hints that
he doesn’t think this sort of eti-
quette is really that important. It’s
no wonder his son never got the
memo on how to be a good din-
ner guest.
Next time you’re hosting,
give your stepson and daughter-
in-law very specific instructions.
Leave no wiggle room: “Please
do me a favor and bring an appe-
tizer.” Putting it in those terms
will make clear that the appetizer
is not just for them and not just to
be brought if they feel like it. It’s
for helping you, the hostess. You
really shouldn’t have to spell that
sort of thing out, but as a mother
figure, you’ll be doing them a
favor.
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2017
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Work under
pressure, handle crises, impress your peers,
be independent, stand out in a crowd — yes,
that’s one way to go. Or you can chill until
you’re quiet enough on the inside to see what
needs to be done and why.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You own a lot
of items. Something about that will be today’s
main problem. You may find yourself in elim-
ination mode. Instead of asking, “Will I use
this someday?” ask, “Do I use it now? Does it
work well? Do I love it?”
interests. You grow stronger with every conflict
you avoid.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The greatest
asset you have for making a contribution to
the world is yourself. Follow the essential rule
every skilled company owner understands:
Protect the asset.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Conver-
sations get increasingly interesting — not be-
cause of what is said, but because of what’s
in the pause. Silence will be the connective
essence of words.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’re not entirely
comfortable making people work for your
respect and attention, but it happens that way
sometimes. Though you’re too compassionate
to make them work too hard, some amount of
effort is good for all.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Maybe not
today, but someday you’ll regret settling for
a poor quality of attention from the people
around you. Stand up for yourself. If they don’t
show signs of respect, go where your input
will be better appreciated.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You may hear
the words of contrition you have been waiting
for, but how valuable is an apology really?
Ultimately it will be deeds, not words, that
bring a situation back into balance.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). The day
features a rather intricate game. You’ve a
talent for strategy today. Plan several moves
in advance. A temporary move backward will
lead to a giant move forward.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). The cat doesn’t ago-
nize about when, where and how to catch the
mouse. It watches, alert, and when it feels an
advantage it pounces. You benefit from going
deeper into the feline nature of your sun-sign
symbol. Be the cat.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ll have
success when you employ your instinct about
what other people like. You’re so adept at
placing yourself in the hypothetical, seeing
things how others might, empathizing — per-
haps because you find the exercise enjoyable.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). When you take
a moment to watch the grace of a bird, the
elegant pattern of leaves or the peaceful way
the grass recognizes the wind, you are letting
the nature spirits energize you.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 7). You’ll
hear magic words this month. Your opinion of
yourself isn’t based on what others think, but
it’s nice to be awarded, which you will be —
twice this year. March and June are your best
financial months. The expansion that happens
in September will help you make a difference
in someone’s life. Gemini and Leo adore you.
Your lucky numbers are: 4, 12, 18, 33 and 28.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Resist the tempta-
tion to get involved in the struggle. You may
want to make things right, but this is not your
battle. The combatant’s interests are not your
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE