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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 22, 2016)
12 // COASTWEEKEND.COM Coast Weekend’s local restaurant review Beef is king at Hammond’s Buoy 9 Review and photos by MOUTH OF THE COLUMBIA MOUTH@COASTWEEKEND.COM “ “Over 70 tons served,” boasts Buoy 9’s menu of their fl agship prime rib. That begs for a little math. There are 2,000 pounds in a ton. So 70 tons equals 140,000 pounds. Buoy 9’s 16- to-17-ounce “King Cut” — the largest of three prime rib offerings — is essentially a pound. The “Petite” runs about 8 or 8 ounc- es. Therefore the restaurant claims to have served somewhere between 140,000 and 240,000 prime rib dishes, if my back-of-the-envelope calculations are correct. That’s the rib meat from over 3,600 cows. Where’s the beef, indeed. And who knows how old that menu is? Perhaps a few tons have been served since. Regardless of my (possibly wonky) math, it’s no stretch to say that beef rules at Buoy 9. Besides prime rib, the Hammond restaurant and bar offers New York steaks, burg- ers, French dips, patty melts, reubens, meatloaf and more. On my trips there were beefy specials, too, like chick- en-fried steak and fi let mignon. While fi nding truckloads of red meat in this creaky, blue-collar joint was hardly shocking, some of the price points were. To be sure, steaks — and particularly rib cuts — are expensive. Nonetheless, I wasn’t expecting to fi nd a signifi cant portion of the dinner menu at this funky hole-in-the-wall to run up in the $20-to-$30 range. But that’s Buoy 9 — a vanish- ing relic and stalwart in a changing world. (If Trump supporters are a mystery to you and you know none, Buoy 9 is a fi ne place to start reach- ing out.) Despite its age and to its credit, the bar is hardly dingy — just old. Wooden slat walls and exposed ceilings resemble a 1960s basement bar. It’s dotted with Wide World of Sports-styled memorabilia, a few coastal references and cheeky quips, including a sprawling sign above the bar that reads: “QUITYERBELLY- ACHIN.” In a lot of ways, Buoy 9 reminds me of the Sea Breeze, which is at the junction of Highways 26 and 101. They’re similar in vibe, decor and menu — throwbacks across the board. They’re both maintained, likely, by congruent factors: location, locals, gambling and so on. Besides the bar, their meat and potatoes are, well, meat and potatoes. Buoy 9 focuses more on the big cuts of beef, while its South County counterpart offers more bang for the buck. On account of a winter storm warning — one that never really materialized — my fi rst visit found Buoy 9 rather vacant. One could hear a pin drop if not for Thursday Night Football on the TV. For rea- sons I can’t quite explain I opted for the daily special: chicken-fried steak The petite cut of prime rib at Buoy 9 was plenty of beef. ($16.95). As all the dinners do, it came with choice of soup, chowder The main course arrived with fi sh and chips ($13.95), though, was or salad, as well as mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes, slathered in salty, downright offensive. The two pieces fries or rice. I chose salad, and added fl our-y gravy and a large piece of of patently mediocre, beer-battered a cup of soup ($4). The soup of the sourdough bread, buttered on both whitefi sh were jaw-droppingly day, which the server described “like sides. The chicken-fried steak, while minuscule, together the size of a a stuffed pepper,” came in a vessel pummeled like chewy rubber with wallet. (To be clear: a folded wallet.) about the size of a teacup. The sim- a peppery breading, mimicked its I couldn’t believe it. The fl avor was ple, greasy, beefy namesake rather almost as underwhelming as the por- broth wasn’t quite well. If nothing else, tion, the crust alternatively crunchy hot enough. It was THE CHOWDER it was a lot of food. or oily soft. chunky with rice, The burger, My second trip to Buoy 9, on WAS SALTY, ground beef and a though, under- a Saturday evening, found a more BUTTERY, few slivers of bell whelmed. I chose lively atmosphere — multiple tables FLOURY AND pepper and onion. the 1/3 -pound ver- catching up over drinks, enjoying FULL OF BACON. sion ($7.95) over the heaping plates, strewn about the bar Then came the FOR A MOMENT 1/4-pound. ($6.95). and restaurant side. Despite the fi sh salad, reminiscent of a time when peo- While appropriately and chips debacle, I enjoyed the I THOUGHT ple were delivered seasoned, the patty jovial service and unpretentiousness. IT MIGHT salads when the last was fl atter and wider I can imagine regulars being highly BE BACON thing they wanted to than I anticipated. devoted. CHOWDER, eat was vegetables. Dressed with loads My waiter suggested the ba- RATHER THAN of pickles, raw It was mostly ice- con-wrapped fi let mignon special. berg lettuce, watery CLAM. onions, a large leaf “It’s the only steak here that I don’t and approaching of lettuce and more use sauce on,” he said. “It’s so expiration, plus a cranky tomatoes, fl avorful.” few out -of -season tomatoes, chunky it was reminiscent of the drive-thru But I had to try the prime rib white mushrooms, olives, carrot variety — one you’ve had before. (available in the winter months Fri- spears and a cup full of dressing Served a la carte it was a poor value day through Sunday and every day nearly the size of the cup of soup. proposition. In this bygone beef in summer). I went with the 8-or-9- Based on either fl avor or nutrition, temple, I was perplexed at the burg- ounce petite cut ($23.95) because a the salad failed to justify its own er-as-afterthought. half-pound of beef is plenty, along existence. The price and portion of halibut with chowder and steamed veggies. BUOY 9 Rating: 996 Pacifi c Drive, Hammond PHONE: 503-861-2962 HOURS: Monday-Friday 11 a.m.-9 p.m., Saturday-Sunday 7 a.m.-9 p.m. PRICE: $$ — looks like a dive but ain’t priced like on. VEGETARIAN/VEGAN OP- TIONS: Beef is king. SERVICE: Young, spirited and attentive DRINKS: Full bar KEY TO STAR RATING SYSTEM Poor Below average Good Excellent Best in region The chowder was salty, buttery, fl oury and full of bacon. For a moment I thought it might be bacon chowder, rather than clam (which isn’t the worst idea). There were a few little gummy clams, though. The vegetables — broccoli, caulifl ower and carrots — were disasters of both sourcing and preparation. Freakishly large, overly modifi ed, they were steamed to oblivion, lifeless and fl avorless. The prime rib was prepared, thankfully, with more care. Pink throughout, the almost foot- print-sized hunk of meat was supple, its juices pooling on the plate. Despite a couple rivers of fat and connective tissue, there was plenty of fl esh, most of it thick as an inch or more. It was worth fi nishing, though not exquisite enough to preclude dunking in the ramekins of watery horseradish and salty au jus. Accompaniments aside, the prime rib itself was easily the best thing I had at Buoy 9. Good enough to sell 70 tons worth? Or to pay almost $25 for? Well, tell me how long Buoy 9 has been in business, and I’ll get out my calculator …
