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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 21, 2016)
8A FEATURES His ex is still hanging around Dear Annie: I have a brainteaser own hive. When you say goodbye for you. My husband and I have to a partner, you say goodbye to his been married for nearly 11 years. family, too. (If there were children He was divorced from his first wife involved, it would be different.) But clearly, some of your about 15 years ago; they had no chil- dren. His family has welcomed me in-laws are encouraging her. So that raises the question: Who? Is it with open arms. just one person? A sister However, his ex-wife DEAR who always got along well continues to stay in touch with this woman and con- with family members. They ANNIE nected with her as a friend? even visit her and host her If that’s the case, try to let at their homes. Never has the friendship remain and she been invited to family just ask that they continue gatherings, and no one talks to meet only at times other about her in front of me, but than family functions. I still find out about it. My If several of your husband has made clear to Lane in-laws are doing this, it’s these family members that Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. time for your husband to this is awkward and not step up. He needs to make healthy for the ex-wife, but abundantly clear that their maintain- they persist. I have two concerns. One, it feels ing such a close relationship with his as if someone is lurking in the shad- ex-wife is not just awkward but also ows, and two, it seems odd that she hurtful. Dear Annie: I want to address has not moved on after so many years. I gave up connection to some “Sleepless in Anywhere, USA,” lovely people when my ex-boy- “Sick and Hurt” and others who are friend and I split up, because it felt hurt by spousal affairs. There are various reasons com- like the right thing to do for both of us. What’s your take on this situa- mitted and loving spouses have tion? — Scratching My Head in NH affairs. I was married to a loyal hus- Dear Scratching: It’s bizarre band, but our marriage was scarred that she’s still hovering around, with emotional abuse that went 15 years later. By now, she ought unaddressed despite my continued to have buzzed off and found her pleas for dealing with it. Instead of being cherished, I was made to feel worthless. From what I could determine, he suffers from emotional injuries inflicted during his childhood. He built an emotional barrier around himself. He refused to go to coun- seling; I went on my own, with mixed results. I didn’t want to get divorced, so I tried other means to get through the situation. In the end, I had an affair. We are near the end of divorce pro- ceedings. I am saddened by the whole story, and much of what is important to me has to be left behind. So, for those loyal partners who find their spouse in an affair, please step outside yourself and look at the whole picture. How could bet- ter communication and self-hon- esty improve your relationship? Are there past harms — which have nothing to do with a current relation- ship — hurting the present? If you have chosen to share your life with another, then really share life — the good and bad. A loving spouse wants to help carry the burden, heal and move past these destruc- tive ills. I did — though here in the end, I’m the “evil gal who had an affair,” while the other side of the story remains a secret. — Made to Move On THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2016 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). What would you tell your best friend to do? Not your actual best friend — your fantasy best friend who needs to make a few decisions just like you do. You love that crazy-cool person! Advise then apply it. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Maybe you want the same thing they want, but that in and of itself won’t help you get there any more easily. Their reasons will barely move you there. Figure out your reasons. Your reasons will be big time motivation. choice, but today it will be a pretty solid one. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’re ready to get deep, but your life is filled with a million shallow tasks. Let your heart provide the depth. Later you can avoid any source of shal- low work, but right now it’s pretty unavoidable. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Stay relaxed as you make your requests of others. Your charisma is turned up and people will be inclined to make you happy. They will go to extra lengths to see you smile. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Some will be threatened by what you believe. Some will challenge you. This is good. Beliefs should be tested. Otherwise, how will you know which ones aren’t stable enough to support you? CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). So much will be subject to interpretation. Assume that things mean what you want them to mean. Choose the meaning that energizes you; the more energy you have, the better you’ll enjoy yourself. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Many great works of art infuriated people at first then were gradually accepted and appreciated af- ter the minds of the audience caught up with the ideas of the art. You’ll be an early adopter. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Here’s what holds you in place: family, work, routine, the “boring” stuff. But it’s not really boring, espe- cially when you consider that all the best bits life will spring from these sources. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You honor your commitments to the people in your life and your social circle grows from there. You don’t always get to choose who you’re around. That’s what makes the friends you do get to choose so special to you. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’re em- broiled in a fantasy about not having to com- promise, doing it your way and actually being supported in it. Truly, the compromises are good for you, and yet too much of anything makes you long for the other things. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Remember when you got some long, consecutive, non-in- terrupted time chunks to organize your life around? Boy, that does seem like a thing of the past now, but don’t worry, it will also be a thing of the future. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Dec. 22). You’ll learn new disciplines, methods and ways of thinking this year. Kindred spirits working together will bring immense pleasure to your world. Lifestyle preferences come into play in February and March, driving you to travel to find inspiration. January and October repre- sent financial highs. Taurus and Sagittarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 9, 30, 2, 22 and 16. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There’s a logic behind your attraction to certain people and things. Those motives are worth investigat- ing. What feels natural isn’t always the best FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE