8A
FEATURES
His ex is still hanging around
Dear Annie: I have a brainteaser own hive. When you say goodbye
for you. My husband and I have to a partner, you say goodbye to his
been married for nearly 11 years. family, too. (If there were children
He was divorced from his first wife involved, it would be different.)
But clearly, some of your
about 15 years ago; they had no chil-
dren. His family has welcomed me in-laws are encouraging her. So
that raises the question: Who? Is it
with open arms.
just one person? A sister
However, his ex-wife
DEAR
who always got along well
continues to stay in touch
with this woman and con-
with family members. They
ANNIE
nected with her as a friend?
even visit her and host her
If that’s the case, try to let
at their homes. Never has
the friendship remain and
she been invited to family
just ask that they continue
gatherings, and no one talks
to meet only at times other
about her in front of me, but
than family functions.
I still find out about it. My
If several of your
husband has made clear to
Lane
in-laws
are doing this, it’s
these family members that Annie
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
time for your husband to
this is awkward and not
step up. He needs to make
healthy for the ex-wife, but
abundantly clear that their maintain-
they persist.
I have two concerns. One, it feels ing such a close relationship with his
as if someone is lurking in the shad- ex-wife is not just awkward but also
ows, and two, it seems odd that she hurtful.
Dear Annie: I want to address
has not moved on after so many
years. I gave up connection to some “Sleepless in Anywhere, USA,”
lovely people when my ex-boy- “Sick and Hurt” and others who are
friend and I split up, because it felt hurt by spousal affairs.
There are various reasons com-
like the right thing to do for both of
us. What’s your take on this situa- mitted and loving spouses have
tion? — Scratching My Head in NH affairs. I was married to a loyal hus-
Dear Scratching: It’s bizarre band, but our marriage was scarred
that she’s still hovering around, with emotional abuse that went
15 years later. By now, she ought unaddressed despite my continued
to have buzzed off and found her pleas for dealing with it. Instead of
being cherished, I was made to feel
worthless.
From what I could determine,
he suffers from emotional injuries
inflicted during his childhood. He
built an emotional barrier around
himself. He refused to go to coun-
seling; I went on my own, with
mixed results.
I didn’t want to get divorced, so I
tried other means to get through the
situation. In the end, I had an affair.
We are near the end of divorce pro-
ceedings. I am saddened by the
whole story, and much of what is
important to me has to be left behind.
So, for those loyal partners who
find their spouse in an affair, please
step outside yourself and look at
the whole picture. How could bet-
ter communication and self-hon-
esty improve your relationship?
Are there past harms — which have
nothing to do with a current relation-
ship — hurting the present? If you
have chosen to share your life with
another, then really share life —
the good and bad. A loving spouse
wants to help carry the burden,
heal and move past these destruc-
tive ills. I did — though here in the
end, I’m the “evil gal who had an
affair,” while the other side of the
story remains a secret. — Made to
Move On
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2016
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). What would you
tell your best friend to do? Not your actual
best friend — your fantasy best friend who
needs to make a few decisions just like you
do. You love that crazy-cool person! Advise
then apply it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Maybe you want
the same thing they want, but that in and of
itself won’t help you get there any more easily.
Their reasons will barely move you there.
Figure out your reasons. Your reasons will be
big time motivation.
choice, but today it will be a pretty solid one.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’re ready to
get deep, but your life is filled with a million
shallow tasks. Let your heart provide the
depth. Later you can avoid any source of shal-
low work, but right now it’s pretty unavoidable.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Stay
relaxed as you make your requests of others.
Your charisma is turned up and people will
be inclined to make you happy. They will go to
extra lengths to see you smile.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Some will be
threatened by what you believe. Some will
challenge you. This is good. Beliefs should be
tested. Otherwise, how will you know which
ones aren’t stable enough to support you?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). So much
will be subject to interpretation. Assume that
things mean what you want them to mean.
Choose the meaning that energizes you; the
more energy you have, the better you’ll enjoy
yourself.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Many great
works of art infuriated people at first then
were gradually accepted and appreciated af-
ter the minds of the audience caught up with
the ideas of the art. You’ll be an early adopter.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Here’s what
holds you in place: family, work, routine, the
“boring” stuff. But it’s not really boring, espe-
cially when you consider that all the best bits
life will spring from these sources.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You honor your
commitments to the people in your life and
your social circle grows from there. You don’t
always get to choose who you’re around.
That’s what makes the friends you do get to
choose so special to you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’re em-
broiled in a fantasy about not having to com-
promise, doing it your way and actually being
supported in it. Truly, the compromises are
good for you, and yet too much of anything
makes you long for the other things.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Remember when
you got some long, consecutive, non-in-
terrupted time chunks to organize your life
around? Boy, that does seem like a thing of
the past now, but don’t worry, it will also be a
thing of the future.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Dec. 22). You’ll
learn new disciplines, methods and ways
of thinking this year. Kindred spirits working
together will bring immense pleasure to your
world. Lifestyle preferences come into play in
February and March, driving you to travel to
find inspiration. January and October repre-
sent financial highs. Taurus and Sagittarius
adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 9, 30, 2,
22 and 16.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There’s a logic
behind your attraction to certain people and
things. Those motives are worth investigat-
ing. What feels natural isn’t always the best
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE