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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 15, 2016)
FEATURES 6A How to get over the anger? Dear Annie: I am writing to get your input on an issue I am unable to resolve or forget. Over 50 years ago, I began a friendship with a co-worker and his family that was close and personal. Despite job changes and relocations, we communicated regularly. Two years ago, he was diag- nosed with cancer, which seemed to strengthen our friendship even more. After surgery and treatment, he called one day to say that his can- cer was in total remission and that he was cancer-free. We were both elated. However, his news came just as my nephew and niece were both diagnosed with cancerous brain tumors. Consequently, I became much more occupied with their rap- idly deteriorating situations. After three or four months of not talking to my friend — the longest we had ever gone without talking — I called to see how his battle with cancer was progressing. His wife answered the phone. After a brief conversation, I asked to speak with my friend. She then told me, in a somewhat surprised voice, that he had died 2 1/2 months earlier. I was so absolutely shocked, stunned and hurt I could not say anything. I just hung up and cried.Since that con- versation, I have been angry and Dear Annie By Annie Lane Creators Syndicate Inc. resentful of her, wanting badly to let her know how I feel. Should I? If not, how do I forget her and this incident? — Persistent Anger Dear Persistent: I am so sorry for your loss. I could feel your heart- ache as I read this letter. Don’t confront your friend’s widow. She was (and still is) in a deep state of mourning and didn’t mean to leave you out. What’s more, I don’t believe that you are really angry with her. You’re angry your friend died, and it’s easier to project this anger onto a person than to accept there’s no one to blame. I think you are also angry with yourself. You feel guilty that you weren’t more in touch with your friend during this time. But it isn’t your fault. You had no way of know- ing he would relapse. Although you weren’t physically by your friend’s side during those inal weeks, you gave him 50 years of friendship and helped him live life to the fullest. That is what counts. That is love. Seeing as you weren’t able to attend the funeral, ind another way to say goodbye. Perhaps visit his resting place and say what you would like to say to him, or go to a place you two always used to go. Forgive yourself, and forgive your friend’s wife. I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted. Dear Annie: I am writing in response to your column concern- ing the person who wrote in about her humming co-worker. The letter writer may be suffering from misophonia, a condition with which I also suffer. Repeated noises produce intense anxiety responses in people with this condition. I have tried biofeedback, behavioral mod- iication, psychoanalysis and medi- cations, to no avail. Before you dis- miss your reader’s responses as just “unpleasant,” please realize that some sensitive people have phys- ical responses to repeated sounds that are impossible to control and, indeed, are debilitating. The medi- cation I am taking helps me to calm down a bit, but I have not found anything to control or remove it. — Living With Misophonia THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 2016 Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). It’s a specific kind of glory you’re yearning for. The people around you may be incapable of delivering what you need. Should you choose to seek a new set of friends, you’ll find them. Start by hanging out somewhere different. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). They’ll voice an opinion, and you’ll feel pressure to chime in. You’re not obligated to. You’re not even ob- ligated to listen. Sometimes the kindest and most appropriate stance is: “I don’t know.” GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You under- stand that your truth is not the only truth, and you respect the rights of others, includ- ing their right to disagree with you. This way of being in the world makes you bigger, not smaller. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You’re inter- ested in so many different things today that your work will probably take on a meander- ing quality. Don’t judge yourself or put your- self in a position to be judged by others. It will all make sense a little later. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Aggressive people want to win, but so do nonaggressive types. The difference is that aggressive people are only truly satisfied with the win if they’re sure the loser has suffered some. Those types will only bring you heartache. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). They like you, but that’s not what’s important here. Fur- thermore, the praise may not fit your mental script, and the accolades won’t be what you expected, either. The point is, your contribu- tion is making a difference. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You are natural- ly mesmerizing today, and part of it is your tendency toward indecision. They’ll watch you swing back and forth, not knowing FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE where you’ll land. This has a hypnotic effect. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). There are those who simply haven’t learned where the boundaries are yet, and they will keep taking for as long as they are allowed. Unless you claim your rights, they won’t know you have them. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The comments you make have a way of evok- ing strong feelings and awakening people’s senses. Enjoy the extra attention that’s swirl- ing around you today. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Your heart is as sensitive as the hearts of other, more demonstrative people in your midst; it’s just that you don’t show it. Your feelings will become more manageable when you privately acknowledge them. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). There have been times in the past when you distanced yourself from the decision-making process just to keep things simple for the group. Get back in the information loop now. They need you. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Go on and follow the muse. Like the wildflowers grow- ing just off to the side, she’s beckoning you away from the path the others are following. Your work will be better for the detour. TUESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Aug. 16). You trust the others, but the bottom line is that they don’t know what’s best for you. You have full involvement in the processes that affect you this year and will thereby create your own destiny. Next month brings a de- velopment that will inspire you to build. You’ll invest and grow your realm of influence in November. Virgo and Scorpio adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 1, 3, 33, 18 and 49.