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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 16, 2015)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2015 FEATURES Niece won’t take advice Dear Annie: My wife’s niece has a 3-year-old child whom we love dearly. We help take care of this child and pay for a great deal of the baby’s care. The problem is, my wife fre- quently offers advice to her niece. The niece cusses her out, and my wife ends up in tears. But my wife insists she has to keep doing this in order to help the baby. I disagree with her logic. I told her she is simply repeating the same pattern over and over, setting her- self up for misery. This niece is not a nice person. She treats her own mother (my wife’s sister) poorly. Her crying is disturbing to me. My wife is a social worker and says that she helps strangers, so why can’t she help her own family? — Stop Already Dear Stop: She can’t help her own family because she is not ob- jective enough. She also believes her background will somehow give her more authority over her niece, when it obviously does not. Unless your wife enjoys being a martyr (and she may), she should back off from giv- ing advice and simply transfer her professional skills toward the care RI WKH EDE\ ZKR ZLOO EHQH¿W IURP being loved by someone who obvi- ously has a great deal to give. Annie’s Mailbox Creators Syndicate Inc. Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Dear Annie: I keep reading letters from women who are con- cerned that their husbands of many years look at porn, go to strip clubs or have affairs. That sounds awful. But guess what can happen after 25 years of marriage? Husbands look forward to the last 25 years of their lives with their loving wives, and all of a sudden, the wives act as though they don’t like their husbands any- more. All affection stops and some wives even announce that there will be no more sex ever. We men wonder what is going on and then realize that this is meno- pause. So now, the last 25 years are not going to be nearly as good as we had anticipated. More than half of my male friends got divorced when their wives were in their late 50s, and sometimes the wife initiated the di- vorce. I have not had sex with my wife in years. Please don’t advise counseling or hormones. The wom- en don’t believe anything is wrong, DQGWKH\DUHMXVWL¿DEO\UHOXFWDQWWR take drugs that have serious side ef- fects. So, ladies, decide which is better: Men viewing porn and masturbat- ing (which the medical community agrees is healthy for men who aren’t having sex with their partners) or getting a divorce because the hus- bands are starved for affection and sex. There are two sides to every story. — S. Dear S.: You have made a valid point that a lot of women will not like. But women who have lost their libido often don’t understand why their husbands aren’t equally unin- terested, and sometimes, they don’t care enough to make any effort to maintain this part of their relation- ship. This risks the marriage. Most men need the affection and com- fort that intimacy provides and are not only bewildered by this turn of events, but also hurt and sometimes resentful. Those who turn to mastur- bation via porn are excoriated. This should not be a zero-sum game. Both husbands and wives need to be educated about these changes and understand how to best handle them within their own marriages. 5A Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). You know the kind of person you want to be friends with, and you seek these friendships out now with some success. Common interests and be- liefs are part of it, though emotional simpatico is a bigger part. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your man- ner of interacting will follow a course. It’s important to start off right. If you interact tim- idly, that’s how things will continue. Start out strong and there will be an entirely different trajectory. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You may not feel like contributing, or maybe you’re just un- sure of what you have to offer. Give anyway. The more you participate, the better you’ll en- joy the others around you, which will lead to a more solidified group. CANCER (June 22-July 22). It would be awesome if wherever you went today you were able to feel relaxed and engaged with a real sense of belonging. It’s not going to happen, but go anyway. The risk will pay off. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Take up space — physically, audibly and spiritually — with that big presence you’ve been known to turn up. By making yourself bigger you’ll honor the gifts you’ve been hiding lately. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll get what you need when you go where you’re likely to be taken care of. That means avoiding narcis- sists, i.e., those who simply cannot recognize the feelings and needs of others. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There have been times when you set your personal boundaries too wide and weak for your own good. Then you overcompensated by setting them too rigid. Today brings evidence that you’ve found the perfect middle ground. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You wouldn’t want to be in an intimate relationship with someone you didn’t love, which is all the more reason to affirm your deep appreciation and devotion to yourself. Self-love will set the tone for all other ties. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). This is a different cast of characters than you used to have around you. You’ve changed, so you resonate with a new set of people. You’ll be attracting one more major player to your scene before the week is up. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Children pretend to be superheroes. Adults on dates or in job interviews do versions of the same thing. To adopt an idealized self-image is only human. Still, it’s something to be aware of and keep in check today. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’re the leader again. A certain bored person may question your authority just to create mis- chief. Avoid this problem by anticipating it. Give everyone a task, even if you have to make it up. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Because you’re sensitive, you’ll notice that one of your loved ones is seeking more than the usual encouragement and validation. This dip in self-esteem is something you can help with. THURSDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Dec. 17). You are family oriented and will strike a fantastic balance between your close relationships and other passions this year. Travel will kick off 2016, and you’ll be changed by the beau- ty you see. You’ll model yourself after a new mentor in January. May brings an important and official deal. A major stress drops off in June. Aries and Taurus adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 5, 24, 3, 29 and 50.
