THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2015
FEATURES
Niece won’t take advice
Dear Annie: My wife’s niece
has a 3-year-old child whom we
love dearly. We help take care of this
child and pay for a great deal of the
baby’s care.
The problem is, my wife fre-
quently offers advice to her niece.
The niece cusses her out, and my
wife ends up in tears. But my wife
insists she has to keep doing this in
order to help the baby.
I disagree with her logic. I told
her she is simply repeating the same
pattern over and over, setting her-
self up for misery. This niece is not
a nice person. She treats her own
mother (my wife’s sister) poorly.
Her crying is disturbing to me.
My wife is a social worker and says
that she helps strangers, so why
can’t she help her own family? —
Stop Already
Dear Stop: She can’t help her
own family because she is not ob-
jective enough. She also believes her
background will somehow give her
more authority over her niece, when
it obviously does not. Unless your
wife enjoys being a martyr (and she
may), she should back off from giv-
ing advice and simply transfer her
professional skills toward the care
RI WKH EDE\ ZKR ZLOO EHQH¿W IURP
being loved by someone who obvi-
ously has a great deal to give.
Annie’s
Mailbox
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
Kathy Mitchell
and
Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I keep reading
letters from women who are con-
cerned that their husbands of many
years look at porn, go to strip clubs
or have affairs. That sounds awful.
But guess what can happen after 25
years of marriage? Husbands look
forward to the last 25 years of their
lives with their loving wives, and all
of a sudden, the wives act as though
they don’t like their husbands any-
more. All affection stops and some
wives even announce that there will
be no more sex ever.
We men wonder what is going
on and then realize that this is meno-
pause. So now, the last 25 years are
not going to be nearly as good as we
had anticipated.
More than half of my male
friends got divorced when their
wives were in their late 50s, and
sometimes the wife initiated the di-
vorce. I have not had sex with my
wife in years. Please don’t advise
counseling or hormones. The wom-
en don’t believe anything is wrong,
DQGWKH\DUHMXVWL¿DEO\UHOXFWDQWWR
take drugs that have serious side ef-
fects.
So, ladies, decide which is better:
Men viewing porn and masturbat-
ing (which the medical community
agrees is healthy for men who aren’t
having sex with their partners) or
getting a divorce because the hus-
bands are starved for affection and
sex. There are two sides to every
story. — S.
Dear S.: You have made a valid
point that a lot of women will not
like. But women who have lost their
libido often don’t understand why
their husbands aren’t equally unin-
terested, and sometimes, they don’t
care enough to make any effort to
maintain this part of their relation-
ship. This risks the marriage. Most
men need the affection and com-
fort that intimacy provides and are
not only bewildered by this turn of
events, but also hurt and sometimes
resentful. Those who turn to mastur-
bation via porn are excoriated. This
should not be a zero-sum game.
Both husbands and wives need to be
educated about these changes and
understand how to best handle them
within their own marriages.
5A
Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). You know the
kind of person you want to be friends with,
and you seek these friendships out now with
some success. Common interests and be-
liefs are part of it, though emotional simpatico
is a bigger part.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your man-
ner of interacting will follow a course. It’s
important to start off right. If you interact tim-
idly, that’s how things will continue. Start out
strong and there will be an entirely different
trajectory.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You may not
feel like contributing, or maybe you’re just un-
sure of what you have to offer. Give anyway.
The more you participate, the better you’ll en-
joy the others around you, which will lead to a
more solidified group.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). It would be
awesome if wherever you went today you
were able to feel relaxed and engaged with
a real sense of belonging. It’s not going to
happen, but go anyway. The risk will pay off.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Take up space —
physically, audibly and spiritually — with that
big presence you’ve been known to turn up.
By making yourself bigger you’ll honor the
gifts you’ve been hiding lately.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll get what
you need when you go where you’re likely to
be taken care of. That means avoiding narcis-
sists, i.e., those who simply cannot recognize
the feelings and needs of others.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There have
been times when you set your personal
boundaries too wide and weak for your own
good. Then you overcompensated by setting
them too rigid. Today brings evidence that
you’ve found the perfect middle ground.
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You wouldn’t
want to be in an intimate relationship with
someone you didn’t love, which is all the
more reason to affirm your deep appreciation
and devotion to yourself. Self-love will set the
tone for all other ties.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). This is
a different cast of characters than you used
to have around you. You’ve changed, so you
resonate with a new set of people. You’ll be
attracting one more major player to your
scene before the week is up.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Children
pretend to be superheroes. Adults on dates
or in job interviews do versions of the same
thing. To adopt an idealized self-image is only
human. Still, it’s something to be aware of
and keep in check today.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’re the
leader again. A certain bored person may
question your authority just to create mis-
chief. Avoid this problem by anticipating it.
Give everyone a task, even if you have to
make it up.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Because
you’re sensitive, you’ll notice that one of your
loved ones is seeking more than the usual
encouragement and validation. This dip in
self-esteem is something you can help with.
THURSDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Dec. 17). You
are family oriented and will strike a fantastic
balance between your close relationships
and other passions this year. Travel will kick
off 2016, and you’ll be changed by the beau-
ty you see. You’ll model yourself after a new
mentor in January. May brings an important
and official deal. A major stress drops off in
June. Aries and Taurus adore you. Your lucky
numbers are: 5, 24, 3, 29 and 50.