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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 6, 2015)
FEATURES 6A :LIHDOZD\VSXWVSDUHQWV¿UVW Dear Annie: My wife, “Kate,” and I are in our early 40s and have been married for 15 years. We have two children. Kate has a deeply troubling emotional dependence on her parents that shows no sign of changing. They wanted to come with us on our honeymoon, which I initially thought was a joke. It wasn’t. I flatly refused, and Kate became angry. Early in the marriage, I over- looked a lot of this overclose- ness, because I thought she would eventually grow out of it when she became a wife and mother. But it hasn’t happened. Kate calls her parents every day and discusses all of our personal issues with them. She has let me know that they come before the rest of us and always will. We’ve tried counseling sev- eral times, but she cannot or will not change and it leaves me frustrated. The only reason I’m still in this marriage is because of my kids. I’m ready to find a girlfriend. What should I do? — Stuck in San Francisco Dear Stuck: Finding a girl- friend will not ease the problem with your wife, so let’s not do that. When someone marries, Annie’s Mailbox Creators Syndicate Inc. Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar the spouse should always come before the parents, even though some parents don’t like that and may, in fact, encourage the grown child to put them first. This is unfair to the child, keep- ing them infantilized and depen- dent. Kate wasn’t mature enough to get married, but you expected her to change anyway. The fact that Kate phones her parents daily is not a big deal. But discussing personal marital issues with them allows them to be a bigger part of your marriage than they should be, and Kate re- fuses to change that. You need to determine which aspects of this are worth being upset about, and which are unimportant to the ba- sic well-being of your children and your marriage. Please get counseling, with or without Kate, so you can work on this. Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Need Some Relief,” the couple in their 70s who were tired of hosting all the holiday dinners. When my mother got sick, my sisters chose to host the big twice-a-year family dinners. When Mom recovered, she still didn’t feel up to cooking for an army of children and grandchil- dren, so we did a potluck-style dinner. The sisters who keep ko- sher were in charge of cooking the turkey and other major dish- es. My brother and I (who don’t keep kosher) brought raw ingre- dients and cooked at Mom’s. Of course, we all cleaned up after. We estimated the cost of all the ingredients and divided it equally. (Middle children are very stuck on “fair.”) Mom pro- vided the location, plates, cups, etc. Mom said the only downside was that she didn’t have leftovers for the rest of the week. — Hun- tington, Massachusetts Dear Huntington: Thank you for pointing out how well things can turn out when everyone pitch- es in and no one expects Mom (or anyone else) to do all the heavy lifting. You found a way to make it work. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2015 Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). They say that showing up is often 80 percent of suc- cess. What they fail to mention is that you have to show up over and over and over. Well, that won’t be a problem for you! Your mood: consistent. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your time to move forward is coming, but it’s not here yet. Some will sabotage themselves by succumbing to distraction. Focus in- stead. Gather your strength, watch and wait. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). What’s even better than being in a stellar position? Having knowledgeable people close by whom you can call on to help you make the most of it! You’ll succeed brilliantly. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Go ahead and take the job no one wants. There will be hidden benefits. For starters, you’ll get time away from everyone, and this will lead to an improved perspective. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Should you stay or should you go? Neither choice is wrong. Neither choice is right. This is a matter of how you want to spend your time. Do what makes you comfortable. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). As far as re- sponsibility and blame go, if you’re willing to take it, there will always be someone willing to pass it to you. Therefore, be very careful and strategic in this matter. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Icarus couldn’t find his way out of the labyrinth on foot, and so his dad made him wings. It worked — except when he tried to high- five the sun. Today’s lesson: Be happy, but don’t get too carried away. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). As long as the plan is safe and morally sound, it will be important to submit to leadership even though you may not totally agree. Be strategic, and you’ll get your chance to lead later. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You do the work whether or not you feel like doing it. Will you remember this next year or three years from now? Maybe not, but you’ll still be a different person because of the efforts you made. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Maybe you can’t make another person happy, but you can encourage things to go in that direction with your attention to creating a pleasant environment. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). When the immediate moment isn’t going so well, it’s easy to drift off to a place in the future where things are much, much better. Paint it with your mind so you can inhabit it in full color later. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Your con- tribution means more than you think. Not only are you doing the best you can, but you’re doing the best that has been done in recent history for this particular task — a task that’s much harder than it looks. WEDNESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Oct. 7). It’s your time to put forth your greatest ef- fort yet. You’re strong enough, and you’ll be even stronger after this power move. The next 10 weeks shine a light on your family, and there’s some karma that comes full circle. Money flows after cre- ativity in December, starting a trend for 2016. A wish comes true in March. Love signs are Aquarius and Capricorn. Your lucky numbers are: 4, 20, 18, 41 and 16.
