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Dear Annie: My wife, “Kate,”
and I are in our early 40s and
have been married for 15 years.
We have two children.
Kate has a deeply troubling
emotional dependence on her
parents that shows no sign of
changing. They wanted to come
with us on our honeymoon, which
I initially thought was a joke. It
wasn’t. I flatly refused, and Kate
became angry.
Early in the marriage, I over-
looked a lot of this overclose-
ness, because I thought she
would eventually grow out of
it when she became a wife and
mother. But it hasn’t happened.
Kate calls her parents every day
and discusses all of our personal
issues with them. She has let me
know that they come before the
rest of us and always will.
We’ve tried counseling sev-
eral times, but she cannot or
will not change and it leaves me
frustrated. The only reason I’m
still in this marriage is because
of my kids. I’m ready to find a
girlfriend. What should I do? —
Stuck in San Francisco
Dear Stuck: Finding a girl-
friend will not ease the problem
with your wife, so let’s not do
that. When someone marries,
Annie’s
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Creators
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Kathy Mitchell
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Marcy Sugar
the spouse should always come
before the parents, even though
some parents don’t like that
and may, in fact, encourage the
grown child to put them first.
This is unfair to the child, keep-
ing them infantilized and depen-
dent. Kate wasn’t mature enough
to get married, but you expected
her to change anyway.
The fact that Kate phones her
parents daily is not a big deal.
But discussing personal marital
issues with them allows them to
be a bigger part of your marriage
than they should be, and Kate re-
fuses to change that. You need to
determine which aspects of this
are worth being upset about, and
which are unimportant to the ba-
sic well-being of your children
and your marriage. Please get
counseling, with or without Kate,
so you can work on this.
Dear Annie: I read the letter
from “Need Some Relief,” the
couple in their 70s who were
tired of hosting all the holiday
dinners.
When my mother got sick,
my sisters chose to host the big
twice-a-year family dinners.
When Mom recovered, she still
didn’t feel up to cooking for an
army of children and grandchil-
dren, so we did a potluck-style
dinner. The sisters who keep ko-
sher were in charge of cooking
the turkey and other major dish-
es. My brother and I (who don’t
keep kosher) brought raw ingre-
dients and cooked at Mom’s. Of
course, we all cleaned up after.
We estimated the cost of all
the ingredients and divided it
equally. (Middle children are
very stuck on “fair.”) Mom pro-
vided the location, plates, cups,
etc. Mom said the only downside
was that she didn’t have leftovers
for the rest of the week. — Hun-
tington, Massachusetts
Dear Huntington: Thank you
for pointing out how well things
can turn out when everyone pitch-
es in and no one expects Mom (or
anyone else) to do all the heavy
lifting. You found a way to make
it work.
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
STONE SOUP
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2015
Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). They say
that showing up is often 80 percent of suc-
cess. What they fail to mention is that you
have to show up over and over and over.
Well, that won’t be a problem for you! Your
mood: consistent.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your time
to move forward is coming, but it’s not
here yet. Some will sabotage themselves
by succumbing to distraction. Focus in-
stead. Gather your strength, watch and
wait.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). What’s even
better than being in a stellar position?
Having knowledgeable people close by
whom you can call on to help you make
the most of it! You’ll succeed brilliantly.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Go ahead
and take the job no one wants. There will
be hidden benefits. For starters, you’ll get
time away from everyone, and this will
lead to an improved perspective.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Should you
stay or should you go? Neither choice
is wrong. Neither choice is right. This is
a matter of how you want to spend your
time. Do what makes you comfortable.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). As far as re-
sponsibility and blame go, if you’re willing
to take it, there will always be someone
willing to pass it to you. Therefore, be very
careful and strategic in this matter.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Icarus
couldn’t find his way out of the labyrinth
on foot, and so his dad made him wings.
It worked — except when he tried to high-
five the sun. Today’s lesson: Be happy, but
don’t get too carried away.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). As long
as the plan is safe and morally sound, it
will be important to submit to leadership
even though you may not totally agree.
Be strategic, and you’ll get your chance
to lead later.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You
do the work whether or not you feel like
doing it. Will you remember this next year
or three years from now? Maybe not, but
you’ll still be a different person because of
the efforts you made.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Maybe
you can’t make another person happy, but
you can encourage things to go in that
direction with your attention to creating a
pleasant environment.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). When
the immediate moment isn’t going so well,
it’s easy to drift off to a place in the future
where things are much, much better. Paint
it with your mind so you can inhabit it in
full color later.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Your con-
tribution means more than you think. Not
only are you doing the best you can, but
you’re doing the best that has been done
in recent history for this particular task —
a task that’s much harder than it looks.
WEDNESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Oct. 7).
It’s your time to put forth your greatest ef-
fort yet. You’re strong enough, and you’ll
be even stronger after this power move.
The next 10 weeks shine a light on your
family, and there’s some karma that
comes full circle. Money flows after cre-
ativity in December, starting a trend for
2016. A wish comes true in March. Love
signs are Aquarius and Capricorn. Your
lucky numbers are: 4, 20, 18, 41 and 16.