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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (June 29, 2015)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, JUNE 29, 2015 FEATURES My husband is a sex addict Dear Annie: Not long ago, I discovered that my husband of 25 years was living a complete- ly secret life. This life included pornography, voyeurism, physi- cal affairs, emotional affairs and flirtations with hundreds of wom- en he met through his sales job. Many of the women thought he was going to divorce me, even though he was manipulating them to get his fix. He is a sex addict. At that point, I simply stayed with him for the sake of our children. According to my husband, his addiction to pornography and masturbation started after he was abused as a child. He shared with me that he used lust, fantasy and sex to numb his pain and the be- lief that he was fundamentally flawed. As he is learning to deal with his old trauma, I have given my husband mountains of grace, though he raged and verbally at- tacked me. Lately, he’s doing sig- nificantly better and is regularly attending meetings of Sex Ad- dicts Anonymous. My husband claims he has been in recovery for 18 months, but he has yet to disclose everything he did, and I have come across evi- dence that he is still looking at racy photos on his phone. (Voyeurism is Annie’s Mailbox Creators Syndicate Inc. Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar also his thing, so he stares at wom- en in public and then denies it.) I am out of patience. Anytime I start to build trust, I discover he is still lying. But it is hard to leave, because when the marriage is good, it is great. What should I do? — Want My Husband to Stop Lusting After the World Dear Want: Recovery from any addiction takes time, and there are often relapses. But your husband may need to put a bit more effort into reassuring you that his progress is sincere and ongoing, and you are the only one who can determine whether you’ve had enough. He isn’t the only one who needs help. Please look into COSA (cosa-recovery. org), a support group for those whose lives have been affected by someone else’s compulsive sexual behavior. And do get test- ed for STDs. Dear Annie: I was furious af- ter reading the letter from “Anon- ymous,” the successful profes- sional who resented that her well-off mother never offered to reimburse her or pay her share of meals. I am 50 and was born to a fam- ily that didn’t have much. When I started making money, I used to love picking up the tab for my parents at restaurants, buying them new appliances, plane tick- ets for their trips and expensive gifts around the holidays. It never could make up for what my par- ents did for us growing up. My father died five years ago. In the past few years, my wife and I have had some setbacks and I no longer have the disposable income I had before. It kills me to cut back when it comes to gifts and dinners for my mom. Tell “Anonymous” to get over herself. She should thank God every day that she has the financial means to pick up a check and a parent to spend it on. — Tom Dear Tom: Every parent-child relationship is different, as are the financial circumstances. Thank you for taking a kind and compassionate view. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE 5A Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). There are reasons you don’t push for what you really want. You sense that the other person is not ready to give it, and the last thing you want to do is come across as needy. Trust your intuition. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Moving with the times is not always the easiest thing to do. The changes are coming rapid-fire, and you must stay on your toes to keep up. Elim- inate excess baggage -- that will free you up. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). A controlled environment? Who needs it? There’s something about your life now that is un- manageable and will remain as such. This will be a continual source of fun and ad- venture. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You can stand in your accomplishments now, but it wasn’t always so. Because you’ve had the experience of being needy, you are com- passionate with someone who is going through such a stage now. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your mood will be positive and upbeat, but that’s not be- cause your life is without stress. It’s be- cause you deal with your stress so grace- fully. You’ll teach people around you. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). When you love, you tell the person. This feels natural to you, but it isn’t natural for everyone. It takes guts. The ones you love appreciate your gift for telling it like it is. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). People like you and invite you places because they trust that you won’t let things get awkward. You’ll supply the missing words, change the subject and generally pick up the con- versational slack. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). When peo- ple don’t know where they stand with you, they work to win you. You’ll be purposeful in the application of this principle, making less available. What you do make available will be more desirable. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You may have several projects going at once now. In time, you will get around to finish- ing each and every one. Understand and accept that you’re not always going to do things the way others would. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You have a great deal of self-control when a relationship is proceeding nicely. Bumps in the relationship road may cause you to seek external security. Remind yourself that real security comes from within. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Remem- ber way back when you set that boundary and never crossed it again? Now it’s time to revisit the choice. Is the limit still appropri- ate, or is it boxing you in? PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Today is one of those days when you won’t see the boomerang of your kindness on its return- ing mission, so you’ll just have to trust the law of physics that says it’s coming back. TUESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (June 30). You’ll see more of the world and under- stand people who live very differently from how you do. Your explorations will change the way you approach work in August. Love is your main focus, and a fascinating someone will steal your heart in Septem- ber. The windfall in October has to do with seizing opportunity quickly. Libra and Leo people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 40, 14, 29, 31 and 11.