THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, JUNE 29, 2015
FEATURES
My husband is a sex addict
Dear Annie: Not long ago, I
discovered that my husband of
25 years was living a complete-
ly secret life. This life included
pornography, voyeurism, physi-
cal affairs, emotional affairs and
flirtations with hundreds of wom-
en he met through his sales job.
Many of the women thought he
was going to divorce me, even
though he was manipulating them
to get his fix. He is a sex addict.
At that point, I simply stayed with
him for the sake of our children.
According to my husband, his
addiction to pornography and
masturbation started after he was
abused as a child. He shared with
me that he used lust, fantasy and
sex to numb his pain and the be-
lief that he was fundamentally
flawed. As he is learning to deal
with his old trauma, I have given
my husband mountains of grace,
though he raged and verbally at-
tacked me. Lately, he’s doing sig-
nificantly better and is regularly
attending meetings of Sex Ad-
dicts Anonymous.
My husband claims he has been
in recovery for 18 months, but he
has yet to disclose everything he
did, and I have come across evi-
dence that he is still looking at racy
photos on his phone. (Voyeurism is
Annie’s
Mailbox
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
Kathy Mitchell
and
Marcy Sugar
also his thing, so he stares at wom-
en in public and then denies it.)
I am out of patience. Anytime
I start to build trust, I discover
he is still lying. But it is hard to
leave, because when the marriage
is good, it is great. What should I
do? — Want My Husband to Stop
Lusting After the World
Dear Want: Recovery from
any addiction takes time, and
there are often relapses. But your
husband may need to put a bit
more effort into reassuring you
that his progress is sincere and
ongoing, and you are the only
one who can determine whether
you’ve had enough. He isn’t the
only one who needs help. Please
look into COSA (cosa-recovery.
org), a support group for those
whose lives have been affected
by someone else’s compulsive
sexual behavior. And do get test-
ed for STDs.
Dear Annie: I was furious af-
ter reading the letter from “Anon-
ymous,” the successful profes-
sional who resented that her
well-off mother never offered to
reimburse her or pay her share of
meals.
I am 50 and was born to a fam-
ily that didn’t have much. When
I started making money, I used
to love picking up the tab for my
parents at restaurants, buying
them new appliances, plane tick-
ets for their trips and expensive
gifts around the holidays. It never
could make up for what my par-
ents did for us growing up.
My father died five years ago.
In the past few years, my wife
and I have had some setbacks and
I no longer have the disposable
income I had before. It kills me
to cut back when it comes to gifts
and dinners for my mom. Tell
“Anonymous” to get over herself.
She should thank God every day
that she has the financial means
to pick up a check and a parent to
spend it on. — Tom
Dear Tom: Every parent-child
relationship is different, as are
the financial circumstances.
Thank you for taking a kind and
compassionate view.
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
STONE SOUP
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
5A
Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). There are
reasons you don’t push for what you really
want. You sense that the other person is
not ready to give it, and the last thing you
want to do is come across as needy. Trust
your intuition.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Moving with
the times is not always the easiest thing to
do. The changes are coming rapid-fire, and
you must stay on your toes to keep up. Elim-
inate excess baggage -- that will free you up.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). A controlled
environment? Who needs it? There’s
something about your life now that is un-
manageable and will remain as such. This
will be a continual source of fun and ad-
venture.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You can
stand in your accomplishments now, but it
wasn’t always so. Because you’ve had the
experience of being needy, you are com-
passionate with someone who is going
through such a stage now.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your mood will
be positive and upbeat, but that’s not be-
cause your life is without stress. It’s be-
cause you deal with your stress so grace-
fully. You’ll teach people around you.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). When you
love, you tell the person. This feels natural
to you, but it isn’t natural for everyone. It
takes guts. The ones you love appreciate
your gift for telling it like it is.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). People like
you and invite you places because they
trust that you won’t let things get awkward.
You’ll supply the missing words, change
the subject and generally pick up the con-
versational slack.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). When peo-
ple don’t know where they stand with you,
they work to win you. You’ll be purposeful
in the application of this principle, making
less available. What you do make available
will be more desirable.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You
may have several projects going at once
now. In time, you will get around to finish-
ing each and every one. Understand and
accept that you’re not always going to do
things the way others would.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You
have a great deal of self-control when a
relationship is proceeding nicely. Bumps
in the relationship road may cause you to
seek external security. Remind yourself
that real security comes from within.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Remem-
ber way back when you set that boundary
and never crossed it again? Now it’s time to
revisit the choice. Is the limit still appropri-
ate, or is it boxing you in?
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Today is
one of those days when you won’t see the
boomerang of your kindness on its return-
ing mission, so you’ll just have to trust the
law of physics that says it’s coming back.
TUESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (June 30).
You’ll see more of the world and under-
stand people who live very differently from
how you do. Your explorations will change
the way you approach work in August.
Love is your main focus, and a fascinating
someone will steal your heart in Septem-
ber. The windfall in October has to do with
seizing opportunity quickly. Libra and Leo
people adore you. Your lucky numbers are:
40, 14, 29, 31 and 11.