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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (May 6, 2015)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, MAY 6, 2015 FEATURES 55A Man remorseful about date rape Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 30 years. Before we met, I coerced a wom- an into having sex. I did not use physical force, but she did not give consent. By today’s standards, this was, I think, a clear case of date rape. I have never told anyone about this, and there is little chance that we will ever encounter this wom- an. So my wife will never find out. Do I owe it to her to tell her? I believe that to do so could cause serious harm to our marriage. — Anonymous and Conflicted Dear Anonymous: Society is much more sensitive these days (and rightly so) to instances of sex without consent, e.g., when the woman is drunk or when someone in a position of authority takes ad- vantage of a subordinate. We are glad that this has been bothering you for 30 years. It shows that you have remorse. Ideally, you would tell your wife and have her support when you voluntarily go to the police, but you don’t seem likely to do that. You can discuss this with your clergyperson or a therapist, although depending on the partic- ulars of the date rape and the state in which it happened, there may be Annie’s Mailbox Creators Syndicate Inc. Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar mandatory reporting laws, as well as no statute of limitations on the crime. (For information on these laws, contact RAINN at rainn. org, or see a lawyer.) A therapist also could help you decide how to broach the subject with your wife. Is there a way to apologize to the victim? This can be more heal- ing than you know, for both of you. You might also contribute to an organization for rape victims. These things don’t at all make up for what you did, but they are a step in the right direction and bet- ter than doing nothing. Dear Annie: You’ve printed several letters about bridal show- ers and baby showers and other occasions where gifts are given. Let me ask these young women who expect their family members to give gifts for every one of these events: Do you ever give your grandparents a birthday present? Do you ever send the great-aunts a Christmas card? When your uncle is ill, do you send flowers or a get- well card? Life is not about how many gifts you can get. These young men and women should count the number of gifts they have received from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and other close friends and family members since their high school graduations and then con- sider what they have given in re- turn. — Tired of the Gimme Gen- eration Dear Tired: Amen. Too often the recipients of largesse think the gravy train only runs in one direc- tion and they don’t need to show similar consideration to an old- er generation. But what relative wouldn’t be thrilled to get a birth- day card from a great-niece or a holiday card from a grandchild without prompting? If you have older relatives or friends and have never thought about sending them a card or a gift or making a phone call on their special days, please remember all of the considerate things they have done for you over the years, and ask yourself how you could ex- press similar kindness. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE ARIES (March 21-April 19). Warrior spirit that you are, you’re ready to fight for your honor. On the other hand, it doesn’t always serve the situation. Often it’s best to keep your composure and balance as you say nothing and walk away. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Many fa- mous people have at times completed their work from bed, including Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Hobbes and F. Scott Fitz- gerald. You’ll join their club with the beauti- ful things you come up with from the pillow. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). With candor and humor you’ll turn situations into situ- ational comedy. You know how to do this gracefully, without discounting or making fun of anyone’s troubles. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Some- times you are content because of what you have, and other times, like today, you are content because of what you lack in expectation. Whatever occurs, it will delight you. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Make no as- sumptions about your performance. Just because you’ve done it one way for a long time doesn’t mean you’re doing it right. The breakthrough will come after you open yourself to new insights. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Bottom line: You need more sleep. Vitality, beauty, a happy mood — they’re all a product of in- creasing your zzz’s. Revisit your nighttime routine with an eye toward optimum relax- ation. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Dreams die hard, especially for children who are raised on fairytale magic brought to life in vivid CGI. But some dreams, once released, make room for remarkable realities. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). It may feel as though someone other than you is run- ning your life. If that’s happening, it’s only because you got a little distracted. Bring yourself back to the driver’s seat. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The excitement building around you is not co- incidental. People feel there’s something special in what you’re creating, and they want to be a part of it. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Sac- rifice will be necessary, but not to a det- rimental degree. You’ve been giving so much of yourself that you may feel de- pleted. Try to pull back. Stop before there’s nothing left for you. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Not knowing which way to go doesn’t always mean you’re lost. In today’s case, the real journey begins at the place where you’re not sure which road to take. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). More choices don’t make people happier; they just confuse matters and, as an added bo- nus, make people long for what they gave up. Offer three options, and you’ll have happy customers. THURSDAY’S BIRTHDAY (May 7). No matter how educated you are, you’ll make it a main goal to broaden your knowledge and skills this year. Furthermore, you’ll take on other hard personal challenges because doing the hard things makes you better. The next seven weeks bring a con- tract that will improve your lifestyle. New friends come in July. Aquarius and Gemini people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 13, 2, 28, 24 and 11.