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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 23, 2015)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2015 FEATURES 5A She’s miserable and refusing help Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. Dear Annie: I am a healthy 50-years- young woman in the midst of menopause. I also have been diagnosed as mentally ill with depression. I refuse to seek treat- ment. I come from a culture where the shame of admitting a mental illness is a fate worse than death. So I sleep a lot. I have a fine husband who wishes nothing more than to be in a happy, healthy relationship with me and our two young children. I hurt everyone in my family with my mercurial temper, frequent yelling over trivial matters and causing general upset. For a while now, I have refused any intima- cy whatsoever with my husband, including sweet talk and touching. I am completely disinterested in sex. I know I am starving my husband, and he is suffering. I’ve told him to find someone else. What should I do? Please don’t tell me to get counseling. I have spoken to coun- selors in the past, and nothing has helped because I insist I am a victim and that all of my problems are someone else’s fault. I cannot admit that I need mental health assistance. I am miserable, in every sense of the word. — Frigid in New Hampshire Dear Frigid: You’ve admitted to us that you need mental health assistance, and we agree. You are being unfair to yourself, as well as your family. So do you want to continue being miserable, alienating your husband and children sim- ply to avoid shame (of which there should be none), or do you genuinely want to lies with pets, and their homes are cleaner. I don’t understand why they refuse to see it. If I confront them, I risk the friend- Creators ship. If I quit accepting invitations, I risk Syndicate Inc. the friendship. Is there a kind way to tell them? — Louisville, Ky. Kathy Mitchell Dear Louisville: Maintaining a hair- and free home when you have three pets Marcy Sugar requires frequent cleaning, which your friends apparently are no longer up to make your life better? Whatever underly- handling. Are they in good health? Per- ing issues you may have are likely exacer- haps they are not physically able to clean bated by menopause. If you cannot admit or supervise where the animals go. How that you need help for depression, perhaps is their vision? Maybe they cannot see you would seek help to alleviate some of the animal hair. If you can express your your menopausal symptoms. Your gyne- concern about their health, that could be cologist can recommend medication that a kind way to approach the subject. Oth- can do both. Please try. erwise, feel free to make excuses not to Dear Annie: How do you tell a cou- visit, but please invite them to your home SOHWKH\KDYHD¿OWK\KRXVH"8SXQWLOUH- so they don’t feel you dislike them. cently, they seemed to make an effort, but Dear Annie: I could relate to the let- ODWHO\ZH¿QGLWGLI¿FXOWWRDFFHSWLQYLWD- ter from “Frustrated.” When my husband tions to their home. They are nice people, lost interest in sex, I began to masturbate. but we are not so close that we can tell I went to confession, and the priest ex- them about this. plained that it is not a sin to accept the Their two dogs have the run of the lesser of two evils. He told me to allow house. The cat is allowed to crawl on my husband to pleasure me when he is the kitchen counters and tables. There is willing. Otherwise, I should do what I a thick accumulation of pet hair that rolls need to avoid the worst alternatives, such DFURVV WKHLU ÀRRUV OLNH WXPEOHZHHG DQG as adultery. sticks in the folds of their sofa. You could It was so simple, and I am forever knit a sweater with what you’d sweep up grateful to him. My wonderful husband in one room. When I leave their house, I and I still love each other, just not phys- feel like I need a bath. I know other fami- ically. — FaiWhIul and SaWis¿ed Annie’s Mailbox FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE ARIES (March 21-April 19). You’re grateful to those who have mentored and cared for you in your life, and yet there are still areas in which you feel you have been completely unguided. Seek assistance now. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You get the feeling that a certain person is only nice to you when he or she wants something. Good observation. It’s not your fault that some peo- ple only care about what’s in it for them. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). If you were to write a bucket list, it would include a few spectacular happenings, but mostly personal accomplishments and small, meaningful ex- changes. That’s what drives you to work hard and connect with others today. CANCER (June 22-July 22). When your idols aren’t doing anything that makes you want to worship them, it’s time to get new influences. Branch out and ask friends and colleagues who they’re paying attention to and what they’re doing for enjoyment lately. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). New friends bring good fortune. You’ll extend your network by attending a group, accepting an invite or (best of all) shaking hands and introducing yourself. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). It’s nice when the people closest to you seem to really know and understand you, but it’s not nec- essary for your happiness. That’s why you can let today’s misunderstanding go and do something nice for yourself. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Sometimes you need a break from being awesome at life, and you can safely take one today. Sure, you still have responsibilities to attend to, but they can be handled with minimal effort. Just fly under the radar. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Instead of fighting distraction, today it may benefit you more to make room for distraction and let yourself follow it, perhaps without calling it “distraction” at all. Isn’t it really just curiosity? SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). It’s strange when you sit down to think of action steps and positive differences you can make and what comes out of it seems more neg- ative. That’s because grievances must be aired before they’ll go away. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You like fun-loving people, but you are also skeptical of them when their love of fun seems much more serious than their love of doing the job at hand. Trust your instincts and get the right person for the job. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Yes, there were certain efforts you made that, by all ap- pearances, were made completely in vain. But the deeper truth is that no effort is made completely in vain. You benefit others even when you don’t realize it. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Get some- one to help you with your workflow — nailing the right pattern will be key to your success. Even with help, it will take time to work out the kinks, but considerably less time than trying to figure it out on your own. TUESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 24). You have an image in your head about who you want to be. You’ll put quite a lot of effort into your life choices over the next 10 weeks, and then living the way you prefer will seem far easier, nearly automatic. April brings a shiny, fancy present. May keeps the entertainment coming. You’ll change roles at work in June. Aries and Taurus people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 30, 1, 22, 31 and 17.