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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 14, 2015)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 14, 2015 FEATURES 5A What is baby shower etiquette? Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. Dear Annie: My daughter and her husband are using a surrogate to have a baby. What do I do about a shower when someone else is carrying their child? It is my daughter’s first child, and she and her husband are in their late 40s. Should I make the shower for them as a couple? Does she not get a shower because someone else is actually pregnant with the child? I have no idea what is proper here. Please help. — Grandma-To-Be Dear Grandma: It doesn’t mat- ter who is carrying the child. Any new mother — and your daughter will be one — is entitled to a baby shower if some- one wants to host one. Of course, it is better if the shower is given by friends and not immediate family, but these days few people pay attention to those rules. Couples showers have become more popular, since both Mom and Dad (pre- sumably) are raising this child. Whether you do that or not is entirely your choice. Congratulations. Dear Annie: I would like to know why frail, elderly people get to “choose to stay in their home” while the rest of the family runs in circles trying to meet their needs. This is like asking a 2-year- old whether he wants to eat broccoli. My husband and I were stressed out and exhausted trying to care for our parents because they wouldn’t leave their home. We all work full-time, so we took turns making sure they were OK in their old Annie’s Mailbox Creators Syndicate Inc. Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar house. No one could get a night’s rest, be- cause the folks were up and down all night opening doors, turning on lights and once, even using the oven and going outside. People are living longer, and when severe physical frailty or dementia sets in, the family suffers. Not only is there the stress of caregiving, but also there is resentment that they refuse to be more helpful and cooperative about their liv- ing arrangements. I think some of this stress can lead to elder abuse. Why can’t family and social workers sign these folks up for assisted living? I understand personal freedom, but where is the freedom for the rest of the family? — Still Stressed Out Dear Stressed: Seniors who are still capable of making sound decisions should look into continuing care facili- ties that allow them to live independent- ly until they are no longer able to do so, and then will transfer them to assisted living or nursing home care. These are not always pleasant choices to contem- plate, but the alternative often turns out to be misery for everyone. And once a parent has dementia, it becomes both from familiar surroundings. Those who are adamant about re- maining in their own homes should check out whether it is safe. Most people do not remain in perfect health and then suddenly drop dead. Does your home have stairs? Safety bars in the bathroom? Will you someday need to pay for a care- giver? If you become widowed, will the loneliness cause you to decline? At some point, each of us must decide whether staying in our home is truly the best de- cision, and how fair we are being to our loved ones. Dear Annie: “Getting It off My Chest” moved out of state and is upset about relatives not visiting them. Here’s the other side of the story. Our family members also moved away. They expect us to travel because we are retired and they are working. By the time we visit four different states, we can’t afford trips to any other locations. Maybe “Getting” should look at how - tiful, but how many times can we see it before it becomes boring? No one owes them a visit just because they didn’t like cold winters or sticky summers. — Burned Out Travelers FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE ARIES (March 21-April 19). Prestige is overrated. An overblown sense of im- portance and entitlement often leads to poor choices. The high esteem of others is ephemeral. Instead, bring the thing that will promote self-respect. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Don’t take for granted anyone’s character. Look at the details of the situation in context but also out of con- text. The strongest may have weak moments, and the wisest may make silly mistakes. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You will make a little magic for a person who doesn’t wholly believe that magic is real. This is a gift that gives twice — once with the magic and once with the soul-satisfying hope that it builds. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Regardless of your age, you need nurturing. If no one is providing it for you, you will have to provide it for yourself. Reluctance to do so is unneces- sary obstinance. It’s what’s needed. Be kind to yourself. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). They are paying attention to what you say today — maybe too much attention. If you’re uncertain, it’s best to say very little until you figure out the whole story. Your credibility will be on the line. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). There are many kinds of churches that don’t have to do with a formal religion. You’ll find yourself worshiping at an unexpected shrine. Just remember that some things have no power except the power you give them. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Someone you admire is doing a very cool thing lately and will provide a way for you to chip in and be a part of it. You could use some big-picture thinking to get your mind off of a few minor details that haven’t worked out. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The story of your life falls into chapters, and you’re com- ing into a rather enjoyable one. It’s not here yet, but you will see the foreshadowing on the horizon and get glimpses of the excite- ment to come. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You love someone and want to help that person. Advice will burble to the top of your mind, but that may not be the best way. Right now, listening is better. The other person needs to come up with self-generated solutions. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Hard work will take your mind off of whatever is troubling you, especially if there’s a physical aspect to it. Plus, it has the extra benefit of tiring you out so that you’ll sleep comfortably tonight. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You won’t be able to distill your feelings into one bot- tom line. It’s complicated. A lot of different answers may feel momentarily right, but the next moment brings a different so-called “right” answer. That’s why inaction is favored. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). The love and support you give comes in many differ- ent forms. Today it’s mostly about time, at- tention and food. This is needed more than a financial contribution. THURSDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 15). Your year will undergo a cool change in Febru- ary that puts the wheels in motion with an important project. It’s more than what you do; it becomes who you are. You’ll be inking an agreement in April. A personal break- through will open the channels of love in May. Healthy boundaries are part of this process. Aquarius and Pisces people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 40, 23, 1, 28 and 45.