THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 14, 2015
FEATURES
5A
What is baby shower etiquette? Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
Dear Annie: My daughter and her
husband are using a surrogate to have a
baby. What do I do about a shower when
someone else is carrying their child?
It is my daughter’s first child, and
she and her husband are in their late 40s.
Should I make the shower for them as a
couple? Does she not get a shower because
someone else is actually pregnant with the
child? I have no idea what is proper here.
Please help. — Grandma-To-Be
Dear Grandma: It doesn’t mat-
ter who is carrying the child. Any new
mother — and your daughter will be one
— is entitled to a baby shower if some-
one wants to host one. Of course, it is
better if the shower is given by friends
and not immediate family, but these days
few people pay attention to those rules.
Couples showers have become more
popular, since both Mom and Dad (pre-
sumably) are raising this child. Whether
you do that or not is entirely your choice.
Congratulations.
Dear Annie: I would like to know
why frail, elderly people get to “choose
to stay in their home” while the rest of
the family runs in circles trying to meet
their needs. This is like asking a 2-year-
old whether he wants to eat broccoli.
My husband and I were stressed out
and exhausted trying to care for our parents
because they wouldn’t leave their home.
We all work full-time, so we took turns
making sure they were OK in their old
Annie’s
Mailbox
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
Kathy Mitchell
and
Marcy Sugar
house. No one could get a night’s rest, be-
cause the folks were up and down all night
opening doors, turning on lights and once,
even using the oven and going outside.
People are living longer, and when
severe physical frailty or dementia sets
in, the family suffers. Not only is there
the stress of caregiving, but also there is
resentment that they refuse to be more
helpful and cooperative about their liv-
ing arrangements. I think some of this
stress can lead to elder abuse.
Why can’t family and social workers
sign these folks up for assisted living? I
understand personal freedom, but where
is the freedom for the rest of the family?
— Still Stressed Out
Dear Stressed: Seniors who are
still capable of making sound decisions
should look into continuing care facili-
ties that allow them to live independent-
ly until they are no longer able to do so,
and then will transfer them to assisted
living or nursing home care. These are
not always pleasant choices to contem-
plate, but the alternative often turns out
to be misery for everyone. And once a
parent has dementia, it becomes both
from familiar surroundings.
Those who are adamant about re-
maining in their own homes should
check out whether it is safe. Most people
do not remain in perfect health and then
suddenly drop dead. Does your home
have stairs? Safety bars in the bathroom?
Will you someday need to pay for a care-
giver? If you become widowed, will the
loneliness cause you to decline? At some
point, each of us must decide whether
staying in our home is truly the best de-
cision, and how fair we are being to our
loved ones.
Dear Annie: “Getting It off My
Chest” moved out of state and is upset
about relatives not visiting them. Here’s
the other side of the story.
Our family members also moved
away. They expect us to travel because
we are retired and they are working. By
the time we visit four different states, we
can’t afford trips to any other locations.
Maybe “Getting” should look at how
-
tiful, but how many times can we see it
before it becomes boring? No one owes
them a visit just because they didn’t
like cold winters or sticky summers. —
Burned Out Travelers
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
STONE SOUP
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Prestige
is overrated. An overblown sense of im-
portance and entitlement often leads to
poor choices. The high esteem of others is
ephemeral. Instead, bring the thing that will
promote self-respect.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Don’t take for
granted anyone’s character. Look at the details
of the situation in context but also out of con-
text. The strongest may have weak moments,
and the wisest may make silly mistakes.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You will make
a little magic for a person who doesn’t wholly
believe that magic is real. This is a gift that
gives twice — once with the magic and once
with the soul-satisfying hope that it builds.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Regardless
of your age, you need nurturing. If no one is
providing it for you, you will have to provide it
for yourself. Reluctance to do so is unneces-
sary obstinance. It’s what’s needed. Be kind
to yourself.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). They are paying
attention to what you say today — maybe
too much attention. If you’re uncertain, it’s
best to say very little until you figure out the
whole story. Your credibility will be on the
line.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). There are
many kinds of churches that don’t have to
do with a formal religion. You’ll find yourself
worshiping at an unexpected shrine. Just
remember that some things have no power
except the power you give them.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Someone you
admire is doing a very cool thing lately and
will provide a way for you to chip in and be
a part of it. You could use some big-picture
thinking to get your mind off of a few minor
details that haven’t worked out.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The story of
your life falls into chapters, and you’re com-
ing into a rather enjoyable one. It’s not here
yet, but you will see the foreshadowing on
the horizon and get glimpses of the excite-
ment to come.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You
love someone and want to help that person.
Advice will burble to the top of your mind,
but that may not be the best way. Right now,
listening is better. The other person needs to
come up with self-generated solutions.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Hard
work will take your mind off of whatever is
troubling you, especially if there’s a physical
aspect to it. Plus, it has the extra benefit of
tiring you out so that you’ll sleep comfortably
tonight.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You won’t
be able to distill your feelings into one bot-
tom line. It’s complicated. A lot of different
answers may feel momentarily right, but the
next moment brings a different so-called
“right” answer. That’s why inaction is favored.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). The love
and support you give comes in many differ-
ent forms. Today it’s mostly about time, at-
tention and food. This is needed more than
a financial contribution.
THURSDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 15). Your
year will undergo a cool change in Febru-
ary that puts the wheels in motion with an
important project. It’s more than what you
do; it becomes who you are. You’ll be inking
an agreement in April. A personal break-
through will open the channels of love in
May. Healthy boundaries are part of this
process. Aquarius and Pisces people adore
you. Your lucky numbers are: 40, 23, 1, 28
and 45.