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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 5, 2015)
FEATURES 6A THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, JANUARY 5, 2015 Grandmother’s loss not her fault Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. Dear Annie: I lost my grandmother to suicide when I was 7. The day before Grandma died, she made comments to me about going away where I could not go with her and “going to be with her mother,” who had died. I did not under- stand what she was saying. Several weeks after the funeral, I told my mother what my grandmother said to me. For years after, it felt as though my mother blamed me for her mother’s death. I grew up feeling this way. Two years ago, I overheard my mother tell a friend on the phone that she did, in fact, blame me for my grand- mother’s death. I cannot tell you how much this hurt me. I am now in my 30s, and my mother and I have had other is- sues in the past, but never as hurtful as this. Since my grandmother’s death, I have been in counseling for depression, my own suicide attempts and the un- bearable guilt that I feel. The therapists have told me that Grandma’s death was not my fault, but how can I believe them when my own mother blames me? How do I explain to her that I was only 7 and didn’t un- derstand what Grandma was telling me? I have crying spells and am hurting inside. Please help. — Abandoned Dear Abandoned: You know your grandmother’s death was not your fault. You understand that at the age of 7, you Annie’s Mailbox Creators Syndicate Inc. Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar could not possibly be held responsible for her suicide. Your mother wants to blame you because it is less painful than blaming herself for not noticing how unhappy her mother was. But frankly, there is no reason to blame anyone. The depression you suffer from (and that Grandma apparently suffered from) is likely a form of inherited mental illness. Please discuss this with your counsel- or, and ask about having your mother come with you. It sounds as though she never fully processed what happened. She could use some help, too. Dear Annie: My wife can’t stop interrupting me while I’m talking. She she just moves on to the next thing she wants to say without waiting for me to My wife is aware that there is a problem, and she feels bad when I point it out, but she evidently can’t do any- thing about it. She doesn’t even realize she’s doing it unless I tell her, “You interrupted me again.” There are times when I don’t feel like talking to her be- cause I know she’s just going to cut me off. What can either of us do? — Cut Short Dear Cut: If your wife truly wants to stop and you are willing to make the effort, you can train each other. First check your own speech habits. Do you drone on and on? Do you restate the ob- vious? Do you repeat yourself? Work on shorter sentences, and then help your before speaking. This will require that she make a genuine effort, and you will need to remind her, gently, each time she interrupts. Dear Annie: I am moved to respond to “Unhappy Mother of a Son.” I have been living that life. After getting pro- the fault is not mine. My daughter-in- law quite simply does not, for whatever reason, want to share my son’s life with me. And I have to recognize that my son has no appreciation for me or is too lacking in character to stand up for me. If there are grandchildren, I would suggest “Unhappy” cultivate a rela- tionship with them in whatever way possible. They have the right to make their own judgments. The hurt never goes away, but life is more than being a mother. — Sad but Wiser FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE ARIES (March 21-April 19). Take creative risks, but not financial ones. Don’t believe what you hear from a salesperson: “Be like the 1 percent.” Check the terms and condi- tions before you sign. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Keep going — you’re headed for a milestone. Some- one is watching you and learning from your methods. Tonight, negotiate the fine line be- tween rushing and doing things quickly. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’ll act in accordance with your clothes. Use this pow- er to your advantage today, and dress the way you want yourself to behave. There’s a large chunk of work to be done and a small amount of time in which to do it. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Counterin- tuitive methods could be very effective. It’s one of those times when you may have to lose to win or drop out in order to gain ground. A certain someone is proving to be a friend, dear and true. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Practice positive thinking. A sunny attitude will reduce your overall stress level and help you stay fo- cused on your top priorities. The afternoon will bring a nifty professional development. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Dive in and do the hard work. As you focus on your ca- reer, things will automatically get better in your relationships, too. Tonight, you’ll gain the upper hand in a situation that felt out of control. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You don’t have to settle. If you dare to hold out for some- thing grand — something resembling the books you have read and the fantasy life of your daydreams — you won’t be disap- pointed SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Though you have a wealth of experience in the world, there are ways in which you are still inno- cent. It will be apparent to you how much you have to learn, and the day will bring a good teacher, too. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The holidays were great for your spirits, but not for your bank balance. It’s an excellent time to do some financial planning for the year ahead. You will make your goals quietly and let your actions speak to them. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Make a game out of the more tedious aspects of work. Because you are so good at cre- ating fun, people want to be around you. There will be someone you need to forgive tonight. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Someone who has taken a ride on the roller coaster of love will be able to appreciate your impres- sive emotional evenness as you overlook minor grievances in favor of the big picture. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ll put in more work than the others on your team. It’s not fair, but it’s what’s necessary for the group win. Note: Gossip will be harmful. Stay away from it if you can. You won’t be able to trust what you hear. TUESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 6). Your life is alive with possibility. It’s as though fate has agreed to step back and let you write your own story. Because you embrace im- perfection this month, people feel they can open up and get close to you. A tired habit will just fall away effortlessly in March. April brings stylish updates. Cancer and Scorpio people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 9, 3, 22, 24 and 11.
