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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 2, 2015)
FEATURES 6A Husband shows no affection Dear Annie: I have been married to my second husband for 28 years. For the past 25, he has not shown me affection or touched me. We do what he wants to do, go where he wants to go, eat where he wants to eat. When I retired, I refused to be un- happy. I still see my friends and go out at least once a week. My marriage vows said “until death do us part,” so I will not divorce him. My husband is very good to my chil- dren and loves our grandchildren. I just wish he loved me. I came from a family who showed their love and always said “I love you,” so this has been hard. I dat- ed this man for two years, and I think I married him because I wanted security. Even though I loved him, I knew he didn’t love me the same way. I just wish I had a way out. Any suggestions? — Need To Be Held Dear Need: Since you aren’t willing to consider a divorce, you have a limit- ed number of “ways out.” You can get a legal separation, which keeps your mar- riage intact while allowing you to live apart, leading separate lives. You can get professional counseling, with or without with the lack of affection or possibly en- courage your husband to show more. You can transfer your affection to your grandchildren. We’re glad you are getting out of the Annie’s Mailbox Creators Syndicate Inc. Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar house with friends, and you might con- sider doing more of that. In fact, please consider doing volunteer work with ba- bies at your local hospital. Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Need Help,” the young wife who doesn’t like sex. I don’t believe she is un- usual or unhealthy or necessarily asexu- al. I felt the same way in my 20s and still do in my 60s. I have a faithful husband who likes regular sex. I would be happy with frequent cuddling and only occa- sional sex. I tried everything to change, from hormones to counseling. - alizing (in my 40s) that I am lucky to be a female and can perform sexually whether I’m aroused or not. My hus- band and I agreed on a frequency of sex that meets his needs, and once in a while, I enjoy it, too. The rest of the time I enjoy the cuddling. Sex is some- thing I do for our marriage. He makes other compromises, such as talking with me more than he would prefer. You don’t need to be totally sexually compatible. Marriage is full of compro- mises. The hardest part is thinking you are alone in this. You are not. — R. Dear R.: Thank you so much for pointing out that marriage is full of com- promises, and you and your husband have reached one when it comes to the frequency of sex. But “Need Help” said she doesn’t like to be touched and has some deeply rooted aversions to sex, in- cluding reading books about the subject. She could be asexual, but we believe from counseling. We hope she gets it. Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Barking Up a Tree,” whose neighbors are breeding dogs, and the barking and smell drives them crazy. Your response left out one option: If the couple has tried everything, they should document their efforts and contact a lawyer. The dog breeders are denying them the “use and enjoyment” of their prop- erty, and they can sue for injunctive relief and damages. It should be a last resort, but it could be very effective. Sometimes a letter from an attorney - sue, they must be prepared to follow through in case the dog breeders call their bluff. Never bark unless you’re prepared to bite. — Attorney FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, JANUARY 2, 2015 Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). Boredom is a threat to relationships. Being in a relation- ship with someone who shares your sense of humor will prevent you from having to constantly entertain and excite the other person (which is a lot of pressure). TAURUS (April 20-May 20). The sec- ond best thing that could happen is that you could get what you want. The first best is that you won’t. Neither would be disas- trous, but the not getting what you want will yield more obvious benefits. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’re a social genius. You won’t say too much or too little, you’ll stand for what you believe without pushing it on others, and you’ll spend just the right amount of time with each person. CANCER (June 22-July 22). They’ll re- spect your requests and honor your wish- es. It’s not just because you said “please”; it’s also because you’ve been racking up the good karma and friendship points, and it’s time to pony up. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Others see abil- ities in you that you don’t readily recognize. Listen up because this is more than flattery — it’s honest insight that you would do well to act on in the weeks to come. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). If you were going to plan a rebellion, what or whom would you rebel against? For most people, the enemy who most requires conquering is within. Revolt against whatever belief has been getting you down or holding you back. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). When you give your word, you believe this to be a sacred pact and will go to great lengths to keep it. That’s why you don’t give your word so easily. Someone will ask you for it today. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Everyone likes to be right, but most people are an- noyed by the person who actually turns out to be right — some will even find it unfor- givable. It’s another reason to think twice before you weigh in with an opinion. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Your true friends are the ones you put up with even when there is no obvious reason for doing so. They may misbehave today, and you won’t regret extending a free pass of some sort. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). An idea that used to be a regular guest in the chambers of your mind will come back to haunt you. It may be that there is a new application for this idea, or that it now rep- resents a plausible option. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Your fel- low Aquarius Jules Renard summed it up best: “The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner with- out giving an excuse.” PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Friends would love you to disclose the scintillating details of recent goings on. Just because they want to know doesn’t make it their business. You’ll be better off keeping the main story to yourself for now. SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 3). Love fills you with purpose this year. You put peo- ple’s feelings first, and suddenly meaning- less tasks fall away from your list. You’re fo- cused on only what matters: creating better and better relationships. February increases your bank account. April is your chance at a top position. June brings a family addition. Cancer and Virgo people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 44, 31, 2, 39 and 15.