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About St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 16, 1908)
THE ST. JOHNS REVIEW PuMlnhfd F.itrr FrliUj At 117 Wrt IMtllngtoti Htrect. SI Jolnn. I)V MAHKI.K & ilVl'.KI.IUt. Tint KitVlKW is entered nl iKist office in Snlttt Johns, Oregon, ns tnnil tnnttcr 01 uic second class under tlic Act 01 (.011 grcss of March 3, 1879. Advprtl.tnff rMpf. tl.flfl np ltiih nitr mnnlh. All communication thnuld lie addreued to V TIM II . fl Job rrlntlnir ftccutrd In flrt-ela ile "Ilia (or Job Printing nib on d.ll.orr. Official Newipipar or the Oitj cf 81. John Subscription prloo $1.50 por yonr. A. W. Marklc, Manager. D. N Dyerlcc, Editor. FRIDAY, OCTOHKR 16, 1908. Humor and Philosophy Or DUNCAN M. SMITH PERT PARAGRAPHS. TI10 worst nbout rotation In that tlioso Hint nro not too ioor nro npl to Ik) too rich to bo comfortable nnd con venient Tho irlnclinl rcnon why peoplo enn't lio tinptiy on n tlioimnml n year is be cntiBo they enn't rnlsu tho tbous. liver notlco Unit tunny people teem to think It necessary to talk In n loud volco In order to en 1 1 attention to tho fact Hint they linvo nothing to nay? A mf OllO Of tllU M.T . ( foctly ntilendld 5r iyr thing in nro in Hint wo don't lliliiK tho mime next weclc. Tlio i mi it who dlaeovern n hero In lil.i neighbor It rciiKonnlily h ii re I of n good thing. Homo men nro bo uuaophlHtlenled Hint they enn't tell tho dllTereiico be tween love nnd liny fever. Hidden hlim limy bound iiiidoiibledly nro hud enough, but It In thosu Hint ho bonntH of Hint hIiow whnt u fool n mini In. Whllo mont of im nro itrent ndnilrein of Inti'Krlty, (hero In no doubt Hint tho mnjorlty would nither bo comforliibhi tlinu enudld. Theru In iiUviivh n chnlcu oven In bnd hnlilln, nnd It U well to keep chnimluit leu you Ik'coiiio too llxed nnd export in liny one. He In renlly n Hiimrt pcinoti who keep blniHolf from beliiK Htinpoeted of It. An ummphhdlcntcd pernou would rather bo nn miikcI, but the experienced exploiter would rather linvo nu iiiikcI. Humor and Philosophy By DUNCAN M. SMITH UNSOLICITED FRIENDSHIP. You ennnot liinoro tlio nuiii'iulto. Ho docmi't rolrcnt nt your Beaming And 110 Invitation Ii needed. Ha ncnrclica you out without warning. No one, though you did him a favor. Could innko n protemia to bo kinder, tlo comes to you slnglm! tilt sweotvst, And kdI nn ho Icnvta n reminder. AUIioukIi on your dignity ntniullm;, t'refcrrlnu to bo but n itrnnccr, Ho Inn't rcbufrcd by your coldness, Hut comes llko an ox to tho tnnngcr. Ho docs not delay for pcrmltiilon Or imk If you linvo nn objection. I.lko ono who tins rlchts of possesion, Ho samples your lovely complexion. His calling In not ostentatious, For when you nro reading or writing Ho stenlllilly comes without knocking And Mlrnlghtwny proceeds with his bit Ing, And o'er you'ro nwnro of his presence Or gnthered Hint things nro not tiormnl He's dono what requires nn expression tn bingunga that Isn't nulto formal. You ennnot Ignoro tho inos'iulto. Ho Is nut by dignity halted. This skillful, persistent innund builder Strikes bnck, though he's not been as saulted. You find I1I111 no favorites playing. Tho snlnt Is ns good ns tlio sinner, For each to tho other Is equal When lia Is In search of n dinner. Tlis Standard Cur. JWf MI FA TttCiri r ,... ziurr 01 . OS? m Humor and Philosophy By DUNCAN M. SMITH PERT PARAGRAPHS. Money In supposed to bo n vulgar tliliiL', but thoFo who nro removed from common UiIiirs were bo removed by tlio power of tho coin. The farther nwny from your own lin- medlnto ntmo.sphero Bin Is tho blacker It looks. mnwaoo COURT "lio married her to reform her." "You don't wiy." "Yen; he thought ho could break her of the hnbit of winning to turn In ev ery tlmo hIio wtw nu leu cream sign." On Woman's Willi. When wo lanvo this world's distresses, Hound ror lands beyond tlio sKlcs, How 1 liopii thvru'll bo no dresses I'nstoncil tip with hooka nnd eyes! Ponlblo ndltf, Alexander bad Just (died a couple of buekeln of htrgu moist tenrn and wan preparing; for another hiipity dny of WCOplllg. "W'lmt'H Hie mntter with tho big chief general'" asked tho noollwnyur who had Junl been out dlngtioKlng n coiiplo of victories; nnd n score of hnuilxiuuo wives for bin lord. "Hollowing, an tiHunl, for moro worldn to couiiuer." "TiMi bad," mused tho Koothsuycr, "tvo couldn't get word to tho Wright brothers! They might llx lilm out no that ho could capture tho moon." Jus! a Mlxup, A lllllu my of suimhhui, A II 1 1 to IasIi of ruin, A llltlo Htleak of pltwisurn, A llltlti wll of imlii, Homo iiimnonl of voniviitinenl, H.inm dsys of euro mid strife, 1'iwi'o mining after wintllct Tlusiu gu to miiku up fo. A inwil of 'mh nnd bacon, I lush ufivr 'lirUtman fari, AimI oiitm or IwIi-m ch Msmon A liriMilli nf eoiinlry 11 1 r, A fmst lion iMiiiKiiiy visits, A fnmllMt In Its wsku, A UU II f rll4UMMllHII Or even hIuiiwcIi uelio. A iimrrl wllh n iwltilibor AImiiiI n trllln tHiinll, A wiwitU with imtrtgnuo, A iihuik nf Imskst ImII, A aeiistHi of Imy fuwr, A mhuIIkii lUntlsl'M bill, rurKtftfiilnoM In sltiiiiliiT. Homo ipiinhui fur n ehlll. IVrhnps It seem n liundrum All laid nwny nn Iw, Hut tlifm 11 r. you will nollco, VarlMty himI 4m, Homo luvlj wltlHMit 1111 effort And fHllunt. tluwuh u slrlvo, Jlnmiiili to kwp a f.llow Atvurt li Is hIIvb. Its Main Attraction. Tho children who nm growing up Will on tliu pimt ItMik bark And vuk nbout their chlldliiMxl as Tim iign of vruekerjuek. Matrimonial. Mrs. VlHllor-Di) Hid girls In your ccIhmiI huvn tiny training that will lit them for tho duties of a wife) Mini VnsHur-Yes. Uvery grodtitito from thin Institution In an authority on fairy tales. A person of firm character nnd do- elded opinions need not find life mo notonous, for theru nro always plenty waiting to glvo bnttlo and innko things Interesting. Of nil ready mndc things perhaps tho thinnest and tho shoddiest nro ready mndo friendships. I.lko chnrlty, a reputation for hon esty covers n mtiltltudo of Bins and of short accounts. Thero nro pcnplo who linvo n perfect genius for getting In tho way nnd stay Ing right there. Tlio general Idea seems to bo tlmt tho man Hint linn tnudo repented fail ures In good nutorlty on how to innko a BiiceesB-how not to do It, ns it were. It Is rnro that wo notlco greed In another unless wo nro nllllcted with n desiru to possess whnt iio chanced to I preempt. Tb Dtad Oimi Sport. Itnvo you ovor In your travels Met n Dead On mo BportT Mada no dlfforenco to htm wlicthor H11 was Hush or ho was short T Open hearted and Impatient ICvery una lio met to treat, ThouKh Ids iKKir, neglected family Didn't liavo enough to ent. Onn of whom yuu could tin certain If you hml him for n friend And should meet lilm In tho city lln would hold aloft his end, TIioukIi ha might tho needful money llorrow ns 11 last resort, You could count lilm nt tho finish As u Dand damn Hpnrt. Though his children might linvo hardly Any oeceni snocs 10 wear, Thnugh Ilia tailor nnd Ilia grocer I'or their money might despair. Though his wlfu should tako In wash. Ing I'or thulr ioor nnd moan support, Ilo still radiated glory As 11 Dead damn flport I Bup- Practical Kind, piilmil iiieilleluo works inlr- Tlmt aeluri." "You don't my." "Yen. It found tlio proprietor n juwr man and left him worth nt leant a million." WI10 Girl. "It In never loo Into to mend, my daughter," "I know a better one, mother." "What In IU" "Never too Into to get now ones.' Fatal. 'Twnn tin- verdlet of tho neighbors when Hud drawn liU llnul breath That ho IUmI so strenuous u Ufa lla'd lived hluuulf to dvuth. Too CI010 For Safety. "Who wua tho mini you nodded toT" "My tailor." "Introdueo me," "1 can't. I never speak to him cept from across (ho street." PERT PARAGRAPHS. When wo get homo nnd tako stock of our ehlggers, blisters, burun nnd bills wu am liit'llucd to bo glad to think It In over. Queer that your next door neighbor Kliould think you nro a mean, Interfer ing wretch when you tell her that lit tle .luliiiiilo has 11 llro under tho front poich. lletween being overfill mid tin- iicrrctl wo neem to bo a much dis tressed and long Buffering people, A burned child dreads tho lick ing he's going to get when dnd finds out ho has Ih'i'h p laying with matches. Accommodating Thin cow gives Hweet milk, iose," wild tlio iiiuntcur farmer. "Oh, certainly," replied tho man who wan trying to uiaku tho snlo. Hut how nbout It when wo want buttermilk? Do wo hnvo to linvo n dif ferent cow for thntT" "Oh, no, no. You see those two hrnsn knobs 011 tho end of her horns?" "Yen; what linvo they got to do with It?" "Oh, everything. You press tho 0116 011 tlio right when you want sweet milk and tho 0110 011 tho left for butter milk." Llkid Contrast. "Ilo is rich, they ny." "ics, but ho Is so slow." "That's why I llko him." "What's tho answer?" "rihu naturally admires 0110 who can go Hie Biniirt pace." Get a home where you do not have to spend two or three hours every day on the street cars. You will be able to reach the heart of the city from Whitwood Court within TWELVE MINUTES on the new car line that will soon be completed. Lots easy terms ery lot. 50x100, $200 and up; Water piped to ev- RICHARD SHEPARD & CO. Phone Richmond 1021. 1 1 0 N. Jersey, St. Johns. 444444444f444f444444444444444444444444444444444f444W At. L. HOI.HROOK C. E. BAILEY Appreciation. Wlfey The llrowus called ou us lust week for dinner, you know. Hubby es. Wlfey-Dou't you think it Is about tlmo wo should retaliate? St. Johns Land Co. The Largest and Oldest Real Estate Firm in St. Johns. Th Nsw Office Ooy, "Do you tell tho truth?" "Well, I cau nmko it sound way," "You'll do." that East St. Johns Humble Calling. "Seo that fellow over thero?" "Yes." "IIu Is master of the hounds." "Bomethlng like dog catcher, I mine," snld tho wild westerner ns moved on. pro- ho Child of the Rich. "They tiro coaching lilm for his ex tuiluatloiiH," "No." "So I hear." "I'shawl They oro nutomoblllng html" Working at His Trade. "Whero has old Hill Keruggs gone?" "Out west somewhere." "What Is ho doing out there?" "Trying to earn a dishonest living." Tho man who tells n secret to a wo man Isn't foolish, but Just dlplomntlo mid crafty, It Is bin way of announc ing It to tho world. Lots of girls nro as mild us milk and us sweet as honey, and still tlioy may linvo the tabasco sauce up their sleeve. Many a hobo would nmko a guod em peror, but tlio distressing thing ubout it U that thero Is more call for harvest lunula In this country thsu for cm- pcrors. A Mistake. How oft wo sea lilm blinking Wllh assurances so sublime, Tha man who thinks' lie's thinking When ho's only killing tlmol Safe Venture. "I am going back to tho old towu for tho tlrst tlmo tn twenty years." "All your cred itors dead?" taking Good Reason. "Why were you so still Inst night?" "Mo?" "Yes; you never moved." "Oh, my 'Merry Widow' lint hud only two plus In it." To tlio tompereuco people thero is an interesting ttrtlclo In our clipping from tho Sunday's Journal. "If Pro hibition No.v, What Next?" Ono of tho first "next" things will bo to do as Iiiib beeu douo In a Southern Oregon town, put tho so-called 'Near Hoor" ami Maltlno ami such other Intoxi cants In thoilasbof prohibited drinks. Thero is no uso of talking, tho brew ers will not do tho square thing, Kyo in this short tlmo they hnvo exceed ed tholr limit In tho amount of alcohol Prospects. "Como over nnd look at my new gown tonight, Clara." "I'd llko to very much, but It will bo impossible." "Hnvo you nu engagement?" "Well, not exactly, but I hope to hnvo ono before tho evening Is over. I barley has the measure of my nu-ger." they put Into their "Near Ueer" and it has becomo a little too "Near." If they woro permitted to go on It would bo but n short tlmo until tho Mlonl old stuff" would bo tholr com- mcrclal output. Tho thing for tho people to do is to make tho prohlbl- nun iiiiuuii.ii, una universal, and wo aro glad to know that tho sentiment of tho American people Is rapidly be ing developed along that lino. Note the label on your paper. The center of the great development now IS place on the Peninsula. 3 We have.onh' a few business lots left on Columbia Boulevard, which for a short time ouly will be sold at present prices. Some fine residence lots still ou sale. Choice manufacturing sites adjoiniug the O. R. & N. railroad for sale on reasonable terms. Holbrook's Addition We have some choice lots in the viciuity of the new $20,000 school building to be sold on easy install ments. Call, at our office for prices and terms for either of these desirable tracts. IOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI THE TROLLEY WAY Is the only way to secure immediate delivery of your goods at the most reasonable of transportation rates. Therefore ring up the PORTLAND & SUBURBAN EXPRESS GO, Operating electric freight cars between St. Johns and Portland, We call for and check your trunks direct to destination. Turn your trunk checks and shipping receipts over to us and your goods will receive prompt attention We have teams connecting with cars at St. Johns and Portland. Get our rates before shipping. Special rates on car load lots. Kxperieuced and courteous employes. Phone Main 358, Portland office. Phone Main A 3358, First and Flanders Streets. W. STEARNS Phone Woodlawn 818 St. Johns Phone Jersey 931 Oregon 4 St. Johns Lumber Co. Has all kinds of lumber, kiln dried and otherwise. Also slab wood. Timliers of all sizes cut to order. Get yur winter's weed new and save trouble. Agent at St. Johns. Office 105 K. Burlington street. OOOOOOOOCM THE jj PENINSULA BANK St. Johns, Orsgon. Capital .., $25,000.00 Surplus t 5,133.8.5 Interest paid ou savings deposits. 1 1 j t