THE ST. JOHNS REVIEW
PuMlnhfd F.itrr FrliUj
At 117 Wrt IMtllngtoti Htrect. SI Jolnn.
I)V MAHKI.K & ilVl'.KI.IUt.
Tint KitVlKW is entered nl iKist office
in Snlttt Johns, Oregon, ns tnnil tnnttcr
01 uic second class under tlic Act 01 (.011
grcss of March 3, 1879.
Advprtl.tnff rMpf. tl.flfl np ltiih nitr mnnlh.
All communication thnuld lie addreued to
V TIM II . fl
Job rrlntlnir ftccutrd In flrt-ela ile
"Ilia (or Job Printing nib on d.ll.orr.
Official Newipipar or the Oitj cf 81. John
Subscription prloo $1.50 por yonr.
A. W. Marklc, Manager.
D. N Dyerlcc, Editor.
FRIDAY, OCTOHKR 16, 1908.
Humor and Philosophy
Or DUNCAN M. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
TI10 worst nbout rotation In that
tlioso Hint nro not too ioor nro npl to
Ik) too rich to bo comfortable nnd con
venient Tho irlnclinl rcnon why peoplo enn't
lio tinptiy on n tlioimnml n year is be
cntiBo they enn't rnlsu tho tbous.
liver notlco Unit tunny people teem
to think It necessary to talk In n loud
volco In order to en 1 1 attention to tho
fact Hint they linvo nothing to nay?
A mf OllO Of tllU M.T
. ( foctly ntilendld
5r iyr thing in nro in
Hint wo don't
lliliiK tho mime
next weclc.
Tlio i mi it who
dlaeovern n hero
In lil.i neighbor It
rciiKonnlily h ii re I
of n good thing.
Homo men nro bo uuaophlHtlenled
Hint they enn't tell tho dllTereiico be
tween love nnd liny fever.
Hidden hlim limy bound iiiidoiibledly
nro hud enough, but It In thosu Hint
ho bonntH of Hint hIiow whnt u fool n
mini In.
Whllo mont of im nro itrent ndnilrein
of Inti'Krlty, (hero In no doubt Hint tho
mnjorlty would nither bo comforliibhi
tlinu enudld.
Theru In iiUviivh n chnlcu oven In bnd
hnlilln, nnd It U well to keep chnimluit
leu you Ik'coiiio too llxed nnd export
in liny one.
He In renlly n Hiimrt pcinoti who
keep blniHolf from beliiK Htinpoeted of
It.
An ummphhdlcntcd pernou would
rather bo nn miikcI, but the experienced
exploiter would rather linvo nu iiiikcI.
Humor and Philosophy
By DUNCAN M. SMITH
UNSOLICITED FRIENDSHIP.
You ennnot liinoro tlio nuiii'iulto.
Ho docmi't rolrcnt nt your Beaming
And 110 Invitation Ii needed.
Ha ncnrclica you out without warning.
No one, though you did him a favor.
Could innko n protemia to bo kinder,
tlo comes to you slnglm! tilt sweotvst,
And kdI nn ho Icnvta n reminder.
AUIioukIi on your dignity ntniullm;,
t'refcrrlnu to bo but n itrnnccr,
Ho Inn't rcbufrcd by your coldness,
Hut comes llko an ox to tho tnnngcr.
Ho docs not delay for pcrmltiilon
Or imk If you linvo nn objection.
I.lko ono who tins rlchts of possesion,
Ho samples your lovely complexion.
His calling In not ostentatious,
For when you nro reading or writing
Ho stenlllilly comes without knocking
And Mlrnlghtwny proceeds with his bit
Ing,
And o'er you'ro nwnro of his presence
Or gnthered Hint things nro not tiormnl
He's dono what requires nn expression
tn bingunga that Isn't nulto formal.
You ennnot Ignoro tho inos'iulto.
Ho Is nut by dignity halted.
This skillful, persistent innund builder
Strikes bnck, though he's not been as
saulted. You find I1I111 no favorites playing.
Tho snlnt Is ns good ns tlio sinner,
For each to tho other Is equal
When lia Is In search of n dinner.
Tlis Standard Cur.
JWf MI FA TttCiri
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ziurr 01 .
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Humor and Philosophy
By DUNCAN M. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Money In supposed to bo n vulgar
tliliiL', but thoFo who nro removed
from common UiIiirs were bo removed
by tlio power of tho coin.
The farther nwny from your own lin-
medlnto ntmo.sphero Bin Is tho blacker
It looks.
mnwaoo
COURT
"lio married her to reform her."
"You don't wiy."
"Yen; he thought ho could break her
of the hnbit of winning to turn In ev
ery tlmo hIio wtw nu leu cream sign."
On Woman's Willi.
When wo lanvo this world's distresses,
Hound ror lands beyond tlio sKlcs,
How 1 liopii thvru'll bo no dresses
I'nstoncil tip with hooka nnd eyes!
Ponlblo ndltf,
Alexander bad Just (died a couple of
buekeln of htrgu moist tenrn and wan
preparing; for another hiipity dny of
WCOplllg.
"W'lmt'H Hie mntter with tho big
chief general'" asked tho noollwnyur
who had Junl been out dlngtioKlng n
coiiplo of victories; nnd n score of
hnuilxiuuo wives for bin lord.
"Hollowing, an tiHunl, for moro
worldn to couiiuer."
"TiMi bad," mused tho Koothsuycr,
"tvo couldn't get word to tho Wright
brothers! They might llx lilm out no
that ho could capture tho moon."
Jus! a Mlxup,
A lllllu my of suimhhui,
A II 1 1 to IasIi of ruin,
A llltlo Htleak of pltwisurn,
A llltlti wll of imlii,
Homo iiimnonl of voniviitinenl,
H.inm dsys of euro mid strife,
1'iwi'o mining after wintllct
Tlusiu gu to miiku up fo.
A inwil of 'mh nnd bacon,
I lush ufivr 'lirUtman fari,
AimI oiitm or IwIi-m ch Msmon
A liriMilli nf eoiinlry 11 1 r,
A fmst lion iMiiiKiiiy visits,
A fnmllMt In Its wsku,
A UU II f rll4UMMllHII
Or even hIuiiwcIi uelio.
A iimrrl wllh n iwltilibor
AImiiiI n trllln tHiinll,
A wiwitU with imtrtgnuo,
A iihuik nf Imskst ImII,
A aeiistHi of Imy fuwr,
A mhuIIkii lUntlsl'M bill,
rurKtftfiilnoM In sltiiiiliiT.
Homo ipiinhui fur n ehlll.
IVrhnps It seem n liundrum
All laid nwny nn Iw,
Hut tlifm 11 r. you will nollco,
VarlMty himI 4m,
Homo luvlj wltlHMit 1111 effort
And fHllunt. tluwuh u slrlvo,
Jlnmiiili to kwp a f.llow
Atvurt li Is hIIvb.
Its Main Attraction.
Tho children who nm growing up
Will on tliu pimt ItMik bark
And vuk nbout their chlldliiMxl as
Tim iign of vruekerjuek.
Matrimonial.
Mrs. VlHllor-Di) Hid girls In your
ccIhmiI huvn tiny training that will lit
them for tho duties of a wife)
Mini VnsHur-Yes. Uvery grodtitito
from thin Institution In an authority
on fairy tales.
A person of firm character nnd do-
elded opinions need not find life mo
notonous, for theru nro always plenty
waiting to glvo bnttlo and innko things
Interesting.
Of nil ready mndc things perhaps tho
thinnest and tho shoddiest nro ready
mndo friendships.
I.lko chnrlty, a reputation for hon
esty covers n mtiltltudo of Bins and of
short accounts.
Thero nro pcnplo who linvo n perfect
genius for getting In tho way nnd stay
Ing right there.
Tlio general Idea seems to bo tlmt
tho man Hint linn tnudo repented fail
ures In good nutorlty on how to innko
a BiiceesB-how not to do It, ns it
were.
It Is rnro that wo notlco greed In
another unless wo nro nllllcted with n
desiru to possess whnt iio chanced to I
preempt.
Tb Dtad Oimi Sport.
Itnvo you ovor In your travels
Met n
Dead
On mo
BportT
Mada no dlfforenco to htm wlicthor
H11 was Hush or ho was short T
Open hearted and Impatient
ICvery una lio met to treat,
ThouKh Ids iKKir, neglected family
Didn't liavo enough to ent.
Onn of whom yuu could tin certain
If you hml him for n friend
And should meet lilm In tho city
lln would hold aloft his end,
TIioukIi ha might tho needful money
llorrow ns 11 last resort,
You could count lilm nt tho finish
As u
Dand
damn
Hpnrt.
Though his children might linvo hardly
Any oeceni snocs 10 wear,
Thnugh Ilia tailor nnd Ilia grocer
I'or their money might despair.
Though his wlfu should tako In wash.
Ing
I'or thulr ioor nnd moan support,
Ilo still radiated glory
As 11
Dead
damn
flport
I Bup-
Practical Kind,
piilmil iiieilleluo works
inlr-
Tlmt
aeluri."
"You don't my."
"Yen. It found tlio proprietor n juwr
man and left him worth nt leant a
million."
WI10 Girl.
"It In never loo Into to mend, my
daughter,"
"I know a better one, mother."
"What In IU"
"Never too Into to get now ones.'
Fatal.
'Twnn tin- verdlet of tho neighbors when
Hud drawn liU llnul breath
That ho IUmI so strenuous u Ufa
lla'd lived hluuulf to dvuth.
Too CI010 For Safety.
"Who wua tho mini you nodded toT"
"My tailor."
"Introdueo me,"
"1 can't. I never speak to him
cept from across (ho street."
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
When wo get homo nnd tako stock of
our ehlggers, blisters, burun nnd bills
wu am liit'llucd to bo glad to think It
In over.
Queer that your next door neighbor
Kliould think you nro a mean, Interfer
ing wretch when you tell her that lit
tle .luliiiiilo has 11 llro under tho front
poich.
lletween being
overfill mid tin-
iicrrctl wo neem
to bo a much dis
tressed and long
Buffering people,
A burned child
dreads tho lick
ing he's going to
get when dnd
finds out ho has
Ih'i'h p laying
with matches.
Accommodating
Thin cow gives Hweet milk,
iose," wild tlio iiiuntcur farmer.
"Oh, certainly," replied tho man who
wan trying to uiaku tho snlo.
Hut how nbout It when wo want
buttermilk? Do wo hnvo to linvo n dif
ferent cow for thntT"
"Oh, no, no. You see those two
hrnsn knobs 011 tho end of her horns?"
"Yen; what linvo they got to do with
It?"
"Oh, everything. You press tho 0116
011 tlio right when you want sweet
milk and tho 0110 011 tho left for butter
milk."
Llkid Contrast.
"Ilo is rich, they ny."
"ics, but ho Is so slow."
"That's why I llko him."
"What's tho answer?"
"rihu naturally admires 0110 who can
go Hie Biniirt pace."
Get a home where you do
not have to spend two or
three hours every day on the
street cars.
You will be able to reach the heart of
the city from Whitwood Court within
TWELVE MINUTES on the new car line
that will soon be completed.
Lots
easy terms
ery lot.
50x100, $200 and up;
Water piped to ev-
RICHARD SHEPARD & CO.
Phone Richmond 1021.
1 1 0 N. Jersey, St. Johns.
444444444f444f444444444444444444444444444444444f444W
At. L. HOI.HROOK
C. E. BAILEY
Appreciation.
Wlfey The llrowus called ou us
lust week for dinner, you know.
Hubby es.
Wlfey-Dou't you think it Is about
tlmo wo should retaliate?
St. Johns Land Co.
The Largest and Oldest Real Estate Firm
in St. Johns.
Th Nsw Office Ooy,
"Do you tell tho truth?"
"Well, I cau nmko it sound
way,"
"You'll do."
that
East St. Johns
Humble Calling.
"Seo that fellow over thero?"
"Yes."
"IIu Is master of the hounds."
"Bomethlng like dog catcher, I
mine," snld tho wild westerner ns
moved on.
pro-
ho
Child of the Rich.
"They tiro coaching lilm for his ex
tuiluatloiiH," "No."
"So I hear."
"I'shawl They oro nutomoblllng
html"
Working at His Trade.
"Whero has old Hill Keruggs gone?"
"Out west somewhere."
"What Is ho doing out there?"
"Trying to earn a dishonest living."
Tho man who tells n secret to a wo
man Isn't foolish, but Just dlplomntlo
mid crafty, It Is bin way of announc
ing It to tho world.
Lots of girls nro as mild us milk and
us sweet as honey, and still tlioy may
linvo the tabasco sauce up their sleeve.
Many a hobo would nmko a guod em
peror, but tlio distressing thing ubout
it U that thero Is more call for harvest
lunula In this country thsu for cm-
pcrors.
A Mistake.
How oft wo sea lilm blinking
Wllh assurances so sublime,
Tha man who thinks' lie's thinking
When ho's only killing tlmol
Safe Venture.
"I am going
back to tho old
towu for tho tlrst
tlmo tn twenty
years."
"All your cred
itors dead?"
taking
Good Reason.
"Why were you so still Inst night?"
"Mo?"
"Yes; you never moved."
"Oh, my 'Merry Widow' lint hud
only two plus In it."
To tlio tompereuco people thero is
an interesting ttrtlclo In our clipping
from tho Sunday's Journal. "If Pro
hibition No.v, What Next?" Ono of
tho first "next" things will bo to do
as Iiiib beeu douo In a Southern Oregon
town, put tho so-called 'Near Hoor"
ami Maltlno ami such other Intoxi
cants In thoilasbof prohibited drinks.
Thero is no uso of talking, tho brew
ers will not do tho square thing, Kyo
in this short tlmo they hnvo exceed
ed tholr limit In tho amount of alcohol
Prospects.
"Como over nnd look at my new
gown tonight, Clara."
"I'd llko to very much, but It will bo
impossible."
"Hnvo you nu engagement?"
"Well, not exactly, but I hope to
hnvo ono before tho evening Is over.
I barley has the measure of my nu-ger."
they put Into their "Near Ueer" and
it has becomo a little too "Near."
If they woro permitted to go on It
would bo but n short tlmo until tho
Mlonl old stuff" would bo tholr com-
mcrclal output. Tho thing for tho
people to do is to make tho prohlbl-
nun iiiiuuii.ii, una universal, and wo
aro glad to know that tho sentiment
of tho American people Is rapidly be
ing developed along that lino.
Note the label on your paper.
The center of the great development now
IS place on the Peninsula.
3 We have.onh' a few business lots left on Columbia
Boulevard, which for a short time ouly will be sold at
present prices.
Some fine residence lots still ou sale.
Choice manufacturing sites adjoiniug the O. R. &
N. railroad for sale on reasonable terms.
Holbrook's Addition
We have some choice lots in the viciuity of the
new $20,000 school building to be sold on easy install
ments. Call, at our office for prices and terms for either of
these desirable tracts.
IOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI
THE TROLLEY WAY
Is the only way to secure immediate delivery of your
goods at the most reasonable of transportation rates.
Therefore ring up the
PORTLAND & SUBURBAN EXPRESS GO,
Operating electric freight cars between St. Johns and
Portland, We call for and check your trunks direct
to destination.
Turn your trunk checks and shipping receipts
over to us and your goods will receive prompt attention
We have teams connecting with cars at St. Johns and
Portland.
Get our rates before shipping. Special rates on car
load lots. Kxperieuced and courteous employes.
Phone Main 358, Portland office.
Phone Main A 3358,
First and Flanders Streets.
W. STEARNS
Phone Woodlawn 818
St. Johns Phone Jersey 931 Oregon
4
St. Johns Lumber Co.
Has all kinds of lumber, kiln dried and otherwise.
Also slab wood. Timliers of all sizes cut to order.
Get yur winter's weed new and save trouble.
Agent at St. Johns.
Office 105 K. Burlington street.
OOOOOOOOCM
THE jj
PENINSULA BANK
St. Johns, Orsgon.
Capital .., $25,000.00
Surplus t 5,133.8.5
Interest paid ou savings deposits.
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