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About Keizertimes. (Salem, Or.) 1979-current | View Entire Issue (May 26, 2017)
PAGE A14, KEIZERTIMES, MAY 26, 2017 Buck gets away from Buford by G.I. Wilson It is opening day of deer season, but Buford wants to try out his new boat and motors. He and wife Myrtle de- cide to take the handsome craft for a spin on the lake. After all, he has heard stories of monster whitetail bucks hiding on the backside of the lake. This would be a good time to do some scouting and test the power of the new motors. As they are cruising along the backside of the lake, something panics a monster, eight-point buck into jump- ing in the lake, and heading toward the distant shore. Seeing the buck crossing the lake, Buford immediately has visions of fresh venison steaks sizzling on the grill. After all: season is open, he has a valid tag, and here is a buck seemingly in a vulner- able situation. Now, Buford has spent years boring his Kaffee Klatsch with past exploits of roping any critter running on four legs. He has a coiled bowline that is quickly fashioned into a lariat. He’s ready to “come out of the chute.” He hasn’t given a thought to what he will do once he gets a half-crazed buck on the end of a rope. People who know him are quick to share with you that “Old Buford isn’t the brightest bulb in the pack.” Buford has Myrtle at the controls of the new craft with instructions to get him close enough to lasso the critter. Well, Myrtle has trouble getting him into the right position. She hasn’t run a boat this powerful before and is afraid of running over the buck. In his customary fash- ion, Buford is yelling and swearing like a modern-day standup comic. “#@$%^#& Myrtle, give it more throttle,” as he stands in the bow giv- ing his best Will Rogers im- personation. By now several other boats have stopped fi shing and joined in on the chase to watch the show. Buford can just hear the roar of the crowds, from years past, urging him on with his trusty lasso. “Give it more throttle, Myrtle,” he yells, over the noise of the twin motors. Myrtle has suffered enough of his verbal abuse. Years of such torment wells to the surface. She slams the throttle for- ward and two hundred hors- es respond like an F-16 blast- ing off the pad. Reports from observers are pretty consistent with what happens next. Old Buford is launched backwards, cartwheeling like a high school cheerleader, through the walk-through windshield--which fortu- nately was open--fl ying over the roaring motors, and do- ing at least two cart wheels across the surface of the water, the rope wrapping around his spinning torso re- peatedly, much like his tying up roped calves. Nearby boaters rescue Bu- ford, who looks like he has been involved in a Houdini escape routine gone sour. By now Myrtle has reached the distant shoreline and has the run-away craft under control. She reluc- tantly heads back to see if Buford is still alive. Buford has taken the chill out of the fall air describ- ing Myrtle’s ancestors, the #@%<^& boat, cold water, people and objects the rescu- ers have never heard of be- fore. For years to come, the Kaffee Klatsch will have to suffer through hearing about “the big buck that got away on opening day.” KEIZERTIMES/Derek Wiley Tyler Covalt drove in three runs in McNary’s fi rst round playoff win over Tualatin on Monday, May 22. SURVIVE, continued from Page 12 However, Gilbert was able to score anyway after an errant throw back to third base. The Celtics led 10-6 enter- ing the seventh inning before Tualatin rallied with three runs. With two outs and a run- ner in scoring position, Hays struck out Jett Searle looking on three pitches to fi nish off the Timberwolves. McNary traveled to No. 1 West Linn Wednesday, May 24 in the second round of the playoffs. “There’s 10 seniors on this team and we’re all just trying to make it last as long as we can,” Gilbert said. 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