PAGE A14, KEIZERTIMES, MAY 26, 2017
Buck gets away from Buford
by G.I. Wilson
It is opening day of deer
season, but Buford wants to
try out his new boat and
motors.
He and wife Myrtle de-
cide to take the handsome
craft for a spin on the lake.
After all, he has heard
stories of monster whitetail
bucks hiding on the backside
of the lake.
This would be a good
time to do some scouting
and test the power of the
new motors.
As they are cruising along
the backside of the lake,
something panics a monster,
eight-point buck into jump-
ing in the lake, and heading
toward the distant shore.
Seeing the buck crossing
the lake, Buford immediately
has visions of fresh venison
steaks sizzling on the grill.
After all: season is open, he
has a valid tag, and here is a
buck seemingly in a vulner-
able situation.
Now, Buford has spent
years boring his Kaffee
Klatsch with past exploits of
roping any critter running
on four legs.
He has a coiled bowline
that is quickly fashioned into
a lariat.
He’s ready to “come out
of the chute.”
He hasn’t given a thought
to what he will do once he
gets a half-crazed buck on
the end of a rope.
People who know him
are quick to share with you
that “Old Buford isn’t the
brightest bulb in the pack.”
Buford has Myrtle at the
controls of the new craft
with instructions to get him
close enough to lasso the
critter.
Well, Myrtle has trouble
getting him into the right
position.
She hasn’t run a boat this
powerful before and is afraid
of running over the buck.
In his customary fash-
ion, Buford is yelling and
swearing like a modern-day
standup comic. “#@$%^#&
Myrtle, give it more throttle,”
as he stands in the bow giv-
ing his best Will Rogers im-
personation.
By now several other
boats have stopped fi shing
and joined in on the chase to
watch the show.
Buford can just hear the
roar of the crowds, from years
past, urging him on with his
trusty lasso. “Give it more
throttle, Myrtle,” he yells,
over the noise of the twin
motors.
Myrtle
has
suffered
enough of his verbal abuse.
Years of such torment wells
to the surface.
She slams the throttle for-
ward and two hundred hors-
es respond like an F-16 blast-
ing off the pad.
Reports from observers
are pretty consistent with
what happens next.
Old Buford is launched
backwards, cartwheeling like
a high school cheerleader,
through the walk-through
windshield--which
fortu-
nately was open--fl ying over
the roaring motors, and do-
ing at least two cart wheels
across the surface of the
water, the rope wrapping
around his spinning torso re-
peatedly, much like his tying
up roped calves.
Nearby boaters rescue Bu-
ford, who looks like he has
been involved in a Houdini
escape routine gone sour.
By now Myrtle has
reached the distant shoreline
and has the run-away craft
under control. She reluc-
tantly heads back to see if
Buford is still alive.
Buford has taken the chill
out of the fall air describ-
ing Myrtle’s ancestors, the
#@%<^& boat, cold water,
people and objects the rescu-
ers have never heard of be-
fore.
For years to come, the
Kaffee Klatsch will have to
suffer through hearing about
“the big buck that got away
on opening day.”
KEIZERTIMES/Derek Wiley
Tyler Covalt drove in three runs in McNary’s fi rst round playoff
win over Tualatin on Monday, May 22.
SURVIVE,
continued from Page 12
However, Gilbert was able
to score anyway after an errant
throw back to third base.
The Celtics led 10-6 enter-
ing the seventh inning before
Tualatin rallied with three
runs.
With two outs and a run-
ner in scoring position, Hays
struck out Jett Searle looking
on three pitches to fi nish off
the Timberwolves.
McNary traveled to No. 1
West Linn Wednesday, May
24 in the second round of the
playoffs.
“There’s 10 seniors on this
team and we’re all just trying
to make it last as long as we
can,” Gilbert said.
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