The Willamina times., June 13, 1940, Image 6

TIMES. WILLAMINA. OREGON
MISERY LOVES COMPANY
GOOD ODDS
W illie was a born g a m b le r. M a n y
tim e s his schoolm ates had to p a rt
w ith th e ir w eekly pennies th ro ug h
being foolish enough to bet w ith
h im .
H is fa th e r d e te rm in e d to bre ak
h im o f the h a b it. He in te rv ie w e d
h is sch oo lm a ster one day, and sa id :
“ I w a n t to cu re m y boy o f his b et­
tin g h a b its, so i f you can g et h im
to bet w ith you, and you are c e rta in
he’l l lose, ta ke h im o n ; then, when
he loses h is m oney, he’ ll be s o rry
fo r h im s e lf.”
The m a s te r consented.
N e xt day W illie said to h im , “ I ’l l
b et you six-pence y o u ’ve got corns,
s ir !”
“ G o od !” th ou gh t the m a s te r. “ I
know I h ave n ’ t, so he’s sure to lose.”
A loud he said, “ R ig h t, W illie . I ’l l
bet you I have no c o rn s .” And he
rem oved his shoes and proved it.
“ Y ou’ve w on ,” said W illie , and
paid up.
N e xt day the m a ste r m e t W illie 's
fa th e r, and said, “ W e ll, I won s ix ­
pence o ff y o u r boy. He bet m e I
had corns, and I showed h im he
was w ro n g .”
“ W h a t! The young beggar bet m e
h a lf a cro w n he’d get you to show
h im y o u r bare feet, and he's w o n !”
JU ST C R O O KED IS R IG H T
Teacher— W ell, i f the w o rld is
n e ith e r round nor fla t, as you th in k ,
W illie , w h a t can it be?
P u p il— Just crooked, pa says.
T ru s tin g Ju dg m e nt
“ N o,” said the ric h m an to the
penniless young o ffic e r who asked
fo r the hand o f h is daughter, “ I
have not the s lig h te st objection to
y o u r asking m y d a u g h te r to m a r ry
yo u .”
“ T hank you, s ir ,” said the young
m an.
“ Y ou go and ask h e r,” continued
the g ir l’s dad. “ I w on’ t in te rfe re .
I ’ve given her a good education and
ta u g h t h e r to read the newspapers,
and i f she doesn’t kn ow enough to
say ‘N o’—w e ll, she doesn’t deserve
b e tte r lu c k .”
He got out o f bed a t tw o a. m
He th re w a d re ssin g gown o ve r his
p ajam a s and g alloped dow n tw o
flig h ts o f s ta irs to »he la n d lo rd 's flat
He rapped s h a rp ly . No answ er.
He knocked again, and a gain. F in a l­
ly the door opened. A sleepy-eyed
la n d lo rd stu ck his head out.
“ W e ll,” he dem anded. "W h a t do
you w a n t? ”
The o the r took a deep breath.
" I ju s t w an t to in fo rm y o u .” he
said, “ th a t I w on’t be able to pay
the re n t th is m o n th .”
" I s th a t w hy you woke m e in the
m id d le o f the n ig h t? " the la n d lo rd
howled. “ C o u ld n 't you te ll m e th a t
in the m o rn in g ? ”
The o th e r nodded.
“ C e rta in ly ,” he a d m itte d .
“ B ut
w hy should I w o rry alone?”
OH!
“ John, how is the c a r ru n n in g ? ”
“ N ot so good. S is! There was a
little m iss in it la s t n ig h t.”
“ Y es!
I found her gloves and
h a n d k e rc h ie f.”
M is s o u ri H o s p ita lity
A few o f the boys in K ansas C ity
w ere show ing a Texas ra n c h e r the
c ity .
“ W hat do you th in k o f o u r
stock y a rd s ? ” they asked o f h im .
“ Oh, th e y ’ re a ll rig h t, b ut we have
b ra n d in g c o rra ls in Texas th a t are
b ig g e r," he said.
T h a t n ig h t th ey p ut some snap­
pin g tu rtle s in his bed. He tu rn ed
back the co ver and s a id : "W h a t are
those?”
“ M is s o u ri bed bugs,” they said.
H e looked at th em a m o m e n t and
then said, “ So th e y are.
Young
ones, a re n ’t th e y ? "
Supply and D em and
A p a rty of A m e ric a n to u ris ts in
a bus w ere being d riv e n am ong the
m ou nta ins o f S w itze rla n d .
“ Say, w here d id those la rg e ro cks
come fro m ? ” asked the m an n e x t to
the d riv e r.
The
g la cie rs
b ro u g h t
them
dow n,” rep lie d the d riv e r.
“ B u t w here are the g la c ie rs ? ”
was the n ext question.
“ T h e y’ ve gone back to get m ore
ro c k s ,” was the w ea ry re p ly .
F ittin g T rib u te
Tom bstone D ealer (a fte r several
fu tile suggestions)—H ow w ould ju s t
a sim p le “ Gone H om e ” do fo r an
in scrip tio n ?
The W idow —I guess th a t w ill be
a ll rig h t. I t was a lw a ys the last
place he e ver th ou gh t o f going.
G R E A T A P P E T IT E
EXC USABLE
“ L unch tim e !
L e t’s eat up the
s tre e t.”
“ A re you as hungry as th a t? ”
“ W hy did you refu se to answ er
th a t m an who asked you how you
w ere going to vo te ? ”
“ Because he w asn’t loo king fo r
in fo rm a tio n . He was o n ly try in g to
s ta rt an a rg u m e n t.”
E a sy
A te a ch e r w as tr y in g to dem on­
s tra te a s im p le e x p e rim e n t in the
g e n e ra tio n o f steam .
“ W h a t have I in m y han d? ” he
asked.
“ A tin c a n ,” was the answ er.
“ Is the can an a n im a te o r an in ­
a n im a te o b je c t? ”
“ In a n im a te .”
“ E x a c tly . N o w can any boy te ll
m e how it is possible to generate
a s u rp ris in g a m o u n t o f speed, and
p o w e r a lm o s t beyond c o n tro l? ”
One little boy ra ise d h is hand.
“ You m a y a n sw e r, W illia m .”
“ T ie i t to a d o g ’ s t a i l. ”
Im m a te ria l
The deacon of a colored ch urch
in v ite d the parson hom e fo r a Sun­
day d in n e r. D u rin g the m eal the
parson s a id :
“ B ru d d e r, d is is
m ig h ty good chicken. M a y I ax yo’
w here you got d is fo w l? ”
The D eacon: “ D a t am an im m a ­
te ria l q ue stion ; when y o ’ preaches
a good serm on, I don’ t ax y o ’ w here
y o ’ g its i t . ”
Sure Sign
The boy frie n d dropped around at
his g ir l ’s house. As he ra n up the
steps, he m e t her little b ro the r.
“ H i, B ill. ”
“ H i,” said the b ra t.
“ Is y o u r s is te r e xpe cting m e ? ”
“ Y e a h .”
“ H ow do you kn o w ? ”
“ She’s gone o u t!”
P o p u la r Speech
H o tfo o t—O ld B o re ly , the a fte r-
d in n e r speaker, seems to have m ade
a trem endous h it. I never heard
an audience clap so m uch. W hat
d id he say?
C oldfoot—He said to th em th a t he
w ould not go on u n til they quieted
down.