Image provided by: The Willamina Museum; Willamina, OR
About The Willamina times. (Willamina, Yamhill County, Oregon) 1909-1972 | View Entire Issue (July 13, 1933)
Thursday, July 13, 1933 TIMES, WILLAMINA, OREGON Page ,3 FOLLOWING “COPY* OUR COMIC SECTION THE FEATHERHEADS LIFE’S LITTLE JESTS The amateur hand practice was be ing held, but Something bad gong wrong In the piece which bad Jn^ been tried. Somebody had spoiled the effect. The conductor of the band glared at the cornet player. "Why on earth,1* he yelled, “did you leave off playing Just as we got to the chorus?“ “Well," said the cornet player (a raw recruit), "on my music it said, ‘Refrain'— so 1 did!” He Should Die U d a New Personali —A m r T o u r s has s e e O V E R . IW E G Y P T A < 5 0 0 0 M A N Y Y e A R S — H E C E R T A IN L Y LO O K S M U C H O L D fiR . T H A N H E D IP m u h c h h e l e f t [3 “ To P « i '•*» T H O S E C L P R U IN S ___" , J SOT ÖRAY G ra n d p a ’s S ta tic Grandpa was having his after noon sle.-p In the armchair and emit ting sounds that might easily have come from a cross cut saw. As fa ther entered the room he saw little Jackie twisting one of grandpa's waistcoat buttons. “What are you doing?" he whis pered, “you mustn't disturb grandpa.” “I'm not, daddy," said Jackie. “1 was Just trying to tune him In on something different." F in d a S y n n a y it “Jack Newlyrlch seems to have quite a lot of common sense.” “Don’t let his mother hear you say that; she hates anything common.” — London Tlt-BIta. Too M u c h C o m p e t it io n “Excuse me, sir. but have you fin Ished your soup?" “Yes. Why do you ask?" "Now we can begin the concert" — Olten Woche Im Bild. E xc ep tio n YES, HE IS g r a y — ■ OH ! I G E T I T 11 HE HE p iC N 'T MUCH EW T H U S I A S M W IT H H IS T A L < T o M lG H T a r o u se e o T G R A Y W H IL E H Ë w a s d i g g in g - a r o u n d th o s e old tem ples — h a - h a - ha N o - they s a y he neyer w as P o p u l a r . — p o e s HE R E A LLY HAVE M ANY e m e m ie s ? _. H 6 REA LLY has BEEN A way to o lo n g T o have A N Y E N E M IE S ----- BUT NONE Op H»S F R IE N D S LI K g ¡JiM 11 - 1 A P r o b le m A little boy came home from school "So you like your two lovers very much annoyed with his teacher. equally?* Little Boy—I hate her! “Yes. dad I simply don t know His Mother—Oh. you mustn't say that. The Bible tells us to love which to marry first."— Venice Gas- zettino lllustrato. everybody. Little Boy— 1 know, hut she wasn't alive when the Bible wns written.— F o llo w e d In s t r u c tio n s Chelsea Record. “Did you do as I told you Mary, and ask whether the chicken was young or old before you bought I t F N o t to Be Used Little Jane had been asked to show "Yes, ma’am; It la old."—Dublin the week-end guest to her room. Pausing on the wny. she pointed out the harhmona and touching one of TRACING HIM the pretty embroidered towels, said; “Of course you know thnt these are <ot to be used."—Indianapolis News. M isu n d ersta n d in g “Were you never tempted to be come a IlnqulRt?" “What’s the use?” rejoined Senator Sorghum. “Even the people who speak the same language are no longer able to come to an under standing."—Washington Star © Wsstara Nawcpapar Union 0 Erents in the Lires o f Little Men D e te rm in e d “ Where Is Jones?" “Tt Is not the time to ask me for "Cruising around somewhere In the a Job. My goods are being seized business section." tomorrow." “I’d like to see him. Are you ac "Do you know If they want any qualnted with any of Ids coaling sts body to help seize them?"—limsanne tlonsF LTllustre. R a re M e a t N e w M odels landlady—Do you Ilk* jronr beef Dick’s father la an nutomohlle sales thia rare, Ulas Phlm? man. Recently his sister came home Roarder— Since you ask me; It Is displaying pennies she had earned. too rare— 1 would like It a little The lad looked them over and aaldt oftener. “I ’d sure like to have them, they are the new models." S in g in g Wife (at bathroom door)—Dinner's on the table. John. Hurry and finish Blinks—The papers say there are a lot of counterfeit twenty dollar bills your hath. Husband—Coming, dear I Just one In circulation. Jinks— H uh! There are so few stanza and Pm through. genuine ones in circulation, any twen S a v in g D a d T r o u b le ty-dollnr hill I got would convince me Irate Parent— When that young It was counterfeit. cub who’s paying yon attention comee again I'll alt on him. HIS ERROR DaugtiPw— Oh. let me do R. fa ther. R a re S ig h t Prnnf “Do yon love me. Dick?” “Huh! Do you sup|M>ae I'd he laughing my head off every night at your father’s stale lokes If I didn’t love you?”—Philadelphia Bulletin. H is H u m b le O p in io n "Jones Is a self-made m a il.” “1 know. He surely inad- a mis take In not consulting an expert.” Motorist (Inquiring his way) — Boy. am I all right for the zoo? Bright Ijid —As fsr as I know you are. Mister, hut I'm not running the zoo.—Montreal Gazette. W e e k ly R e m in d e r A g ilit y "Ephraim, does your mule ever kick BRING A LEMON you?" "Well, boss, he ain’t ebber kicked me but he kicks quite frequent In de place whar Ab’s Jes' been?—Pathfind er Magazine. A n a o y in g "Why was the leading ladv so an noyed after the performance? She sot four bouquets" •Yes, but she b a i paid fcr five.”— Frankfurter Illu strin e (Frank Furt). CONVERSATIONALIST A W a r n in g "Goodness gracious I" exclaimed hit wife when she saw him, “and phwat have ye been at now. Pat?" Pat groaned dismally. "Ol’ve had me nose broken In three places,” he replied unhappily. “Well.” said his wife fiercely, “per haps that'll lam ye to keep out o’ them places!"—T a ’ ler Magazine GOOD WISHES “Well, old chap, how have you been since you embarked on the sea of mat rimony?" “Oh—er—Just a little seasick at times." S o cial Q uestion Friend— Yon will soon forget her Sira. Newrlch— What la that? and he happy again. Sir. Newrlch—Just a common gray Jilted Suitor—Oh. no. I shan't! I’ve bought too much for her on the squirrel. "Should I notice It?"— London Tit installment system! — Ixuidoo An Bits. swers. N n Tips F o rb id d e n Old Gentleman—There’s been n< “My wife has been forbidden to change here for ages— haa there? cook." W alter— Not under the plates.— "Is she III?" “No. I nin."—Madrid Buen Humor. Ixmdon Humorist. A L it t le P re m a tu re Nn D n akl First Little Girl—What's your last “Mamma, there's a man here at the mime. Marie? door to see you." Second Little G irl—I don t know “Does he hare a bill?" je t ; I ain't n arried ! "No, mamma. Just a plain nose!” M o ro to th e P o ia t ••Absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ ” murmured the sentimental youth. “Oh, I don’t know,” remarked the matter-of-fact girl. “Did you ever try presents F’— Stray Stories. Bill—Congratulate me. I'm married. Bob— Sure— and congratulate me, I'm single. P ro o f **1 bear Bangs is a rapid talker?" "1 should say so. He talks so fast that one word has a rear end collision with the next." Wife— I had to marry you to find out how stupid yon are. Husband— You ought to have known that when I asked you.—Chelsea Rec ord. Suggestion “What shall I do to keep from fa ll Ing In love?" “Try pricing apartments.”—Mont real Star. SWEETENS THE BREATH
