Thursday, July 13, 1933
TIMES, WILLAMINA, OREGON
Page
,3
FOLLOWING “COPY*
OUR COMIC SECTION
THE FEATHERHEADS
LIFE’S
LITTLE
JESTS
The amateur hand practice was be
ing held, but Something bad gong
wrong In the piece which bad Jn^
been tried. Somebody had spoiled
the effect.
The conductor of the band glared
at the cornet player. "Why on earth,1*
he yelled, “did you leave off playing
Just as we got to the chorus?“
“Well," said the cornet player (a
raw recruit), "on my music it said,
‘Refrain'— so 1 did!”
He Should Die U d a New Personali
—A m r T o u r s
has s e e
O V E R . IW E G Y P T A < 5 0 0 0
M A N Y Y e A R S — H E C E R T A IN L Y
LO O K S M U C H O L D fiR . T H A N
H E D IP m u h c h h e l e f t
[3 “
To
P « i '•*» T H O S E
C L P R U IN S
___" ,
J SOT
ÖRAY
G ra n d p a ’s S ta tic
Grandpa was having his after
noon sle.-p In the armchair and emit
ting sounds that might easily have
come from a cross cut saw. As fa
ther entered the room he saw little
Jackie twisting one of grandpa's
waistcoat buttons.
“What are you doing?" he whis
pered, “you mustn't disturb grandpa.”
“I'm not, daddy," said Jackie. “1
was Just trying to tune him In on
something different."
F in d a S y n n a y it
“Jack Newlyrlch seems to have
quite a lot of common sense.”
“Don’t let his mother hear you say
that; she hates anything common.”
— London Tlt-BIta.
Too M u c h C o m p e t it io n
“Excuse me, sir. but have you fin
Ished your soup?"
“Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Now we can begin the concert"
— Olten Woche Im Bild.
E xc ep tio n
YES, HE
IS
g r a y
—
■
OH ! I G E T I T 11 HE
HE
p iC N 'T
MUCH
EW T H U S I A S M
W IT H
H IS T A L <
T o M lG H T
a r o u se
e o T G R A Y W H IL E H Ë
w a s d i g g in g - a r o u n d
th o s e old tem ples
— h a - h a - ha
N o - they
s a y he
neyer
w as
P o p u l a r . — p o e s
HE R E A LLY
HAVE M ANY
e m e m ie s ?
_.
H 6 REA LLY has
BEEN
A way to o
lo n g T o have
A N Y E N E M IE S -----
BUT NONE Op H»S
F R IE N D S LI K g
¡JiM 11
- 1
A P r o b le m
A little boy came home from school
"So you like your two lovers
very much annoyed with his teacher.
equally?*
Little Boy—I hate her!
“Yes. dad
I simply don t know
His Mother—Oh. you mustn't say
that. The Bible tells us to love which to marry first."— Venice Gas-
zettino lllustrato.
everybody.
Little Boy— 1 know, hut she wasn't
alive when the Bible wns written.—
F o llo w e d In s t r u c tio n s
Chelsea Record.
“Did you do as I told you Mary,
and ask whether the chicken was
young or old before you bought I t F
N o t to Be Used
Little Jane had been asked to show
"Yes, ma’am; It la old."—Dublin
the week-end guest to her room.
Pausing on the wny. she pointed out
the harhmona and touching one of
TRACING HIM
the pretty embroidered towels, said;
“Of course you know thnt these are
<ot to be used."—Indianapolis News.
M isu n d ersta n d in g
“Were you never tempted to be
come a IlnqulRt?"
“What’s the use?” rejoined Senator
Sorghum. “Even the people who
speak the same language are no
longer able to come to an under
standing."—Washington Star
© Wsstara Nawcpapar Union
0
Erents in the Lires o f Little Men
D e te rm in e d
“ Where Is Jones?"
“Tt Is not the time to ask me for
"Cruising around somewhere In the
a Job. My goods are being seized business section."
tomorrow."
“I’d like to see him. Are you ac
"Do you know If they want any qualnted with any of Ids coaling sts
body to help seize them?"—limsanne tlonsF
LTllustre.
R a re M e a t
N e w M odels
landlady—Do you Ilk* jronr beef
Dick’s father la an nutomohlle sales thia rare, Ulas Phlm?
man. Recently his sister came home
Roarder— Since you ask me; It Is
displaying pennies she had earned. too rare— 1 would like It a little
The lad looked them over and aaldt oftener.
“I ’d sure like to have them, they
are the new models."
S in g in g
Wife (at bathroom door)—Dinner's
on
the table. John. Hurry and finish
Blinks—The papers say there are
a lot of counterfeit twenty dollar bills your hath.
Husband—Coming, dear I Just one
In circulation.
Jinks— H uh! There are so few stanza and Pm through.
genuine ones in circulation, any twen
S a v in g D a d T r o u b le
ty-dollnr hill I got would convince me
Irate Parent— When that young
It was counterfeit.
cub who’s paying yon attention comee
again I'll alt on him.
HIS ERROR
DaugtiPw— Oh. let me do R. fa
ther.
R a re
S ig h t
Prnnf
“Do yon love me. Dick?”
“Huh!
Do you sup|M>ae I'd he
laughing my head off every night at
your father’s stale lokes If I didn’t
love you?”—Philadelphia Bulletin.
H is H u m b le O p in io n
"Jones Is a self-made
m a il.”
“1 know. He surely inad- a mis
take In not consulting an expert.”
Motorist (Inquiring his way) —
Boy. am I all right for the zoo?
Bright Ijid —As fsr as I know you
are. Mister, hut I'm not running the
zoo.—Montreal Gazette.
W e e k ly R e m in d e r
A g ilit y
"Ephraim, does your mule ever kick
BRING A LEMON
you?"
"Well, boss, he ain’t ebber kicked
me but he kicks quite frequent In de
place whar Ab’s Jes' been?—Pathfind
er Magazine.
A n a o y in g
"Why was the leading ladv so an
noyed after the performance? She sot
four bouquets"
•Yes, but she b a i paid fcr five.”—
Frankfurter Illu strin e (Frank Furt).
CONVERSATIONALIST
A
W a r n in g
"Goodness gracious I" exclaimed hit
wife when she saw him, “and phwat
have ye been at now. Pat?"
Pat groaned dismally. "Ol’ve had
me nose broken In three places,” he
replied unhappily.
“Well.” said his wife fiercely, “per
haps that'll lam ye to keep out o’
them places!"—T a ’ ler Magazine
GOOD WISHES
“Well, old chap, how have you been
since you embarked on the sea of mat
rimony?"
“Oh—er—Just a little seasick at
times."
S o cial Q uestion
Friend— Yon will soon forget her
Sira.
Newrlch—
What la that?
and he happy again.
Sir. Newrlch—Just a common gray
Jilted Suitor—Oh. no. I shan't!
I’ve bought too much for her on the squirrel.
"Should I notice It?"— London Tit
installment system! — Ixuidoo An
Bits.
swers.
N n Tips
F o rb id d e n
Old Gentleman—There’s been n<
“My wife has been forbidden to
change here for ages— haa there?
cook."
W alter— Not under the plates.—
"Is she III?"
“No. I nin."—Madrid Buen Humor. Ixmdon Humorist.
A L it t le P re m a tu re
Nn D n akl
First Little Girl—What's your last
“Mamma, there's a man here at the
mime. Marie?
door to see you."
Second Little G irl—I don t know
“Does he hare a bill?"
je t ; I ain't n arried !
"No, mamma. Just a plain nose!”
M o ro to th e P o ia t
••Absence makes the heart grow
fonder,’ ” murmured the sentimental
youth.
“Oh, I don’t know,” remarked the
matter-of-fact girl. “Did you ever try
presents F’— Stray Stories.
Bill—Congratulate me. I'm married.
Bob— Sure— and congratulate me,
I'm single.
P ro o f
**1 bear Bangs is a rapid talker?"
"1 should say so. He talks so fast
that one word has a rear end collision
with the next."
Wife— I had to marry you to find out
how stupid yon are.
Husband— You ought to have known
that when I asked you.—Chelsea Rec
ord.
Suggestion
“What shall I do to keep from fa ll
Ing In love?"
“Try pricing apartments.”—Mont
real Star.
SWEETENS
THE BREATH