Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (March 30, 2017)
NEWS LET TERS I LOVE CATS EW HATES CATS I just read the dog-centric headline of your news story this week and saw the photo, and I’m so angry that you would publish a story about dogs and not mention cats. I love cats. I love every kind of cat. I just really love cats and I just want to hug all of them but can’t. Your readership also loves cats. You owe your readers an apology. Tabitha Catherine Eugene Editors Note: The article itself also talked about cats. SLANT IS SLANTED Reading your Slant column this week I was appalled at just how much opinion that is featured in this section. You are a newspaper and your job is to report the news, not tell me your opinion about things that I disagree with. You should call Slant “slanted” because it is. Areeda W. Badcomprehenshunn Eugene Editors Note: The Slant column is our opinion section. UNLEASH YOUR SOUL I love and appreciate Eugene Weekly even if I find your environmental coverage in need of a deeper comprehension of the Gaia mind. Honor the planet, honor the non-human animals and bring together all the life-giving organisms for all to survive. Walk in beauty. And please make sure someone sees me in the I Saw Yous. Earthlover Greenways Eugene POLITICS EXPERT I’m a concerned citizen who wants to use this platform to spout my own opinion about international politics. Just thought you should know. Ronny Dale Redding, California SPORTS UO RESEARCHERS SAY EUGENE MUSIC VENUES MAY BE UNSTUCK IN TIME P hysicists at the University of Oregon have discov- ered a small rip in the space-time continuum that may have resulted in a wormhole opening just above the stage of McDonald Theatre, a venerated music venue in Eugene. “This explains a lot,” said particle physicist Malachi Constant, whose team of scientists set out this past September to explain why Eugene, and in particular the McDonald Theatre and its sister venue, the Cuthbert Amphitheater, seem to be stuck in a timequake where the same dozen or so musical acts perform over and over with no noticeable variation. “It was the strangest quantum phenomenon,” Constant said. “Tech N9ne, Dark Star Orchestra, Floydian Slips, Rebelution, showing up again and again. It’s like Groundhog Day. Philosophically, it made no sense. So we set out to investigate whether Eugene might be caught in some sort of insidious temporal loop.” The theory, Constant says, is that the yawning of the wormhole has inspired what quantum mechanics calls a “chronosynclastic infundibulum,” an effect in which time is flattened and certain matter can exist in several places and times at once, causing them to show up in the present again and again. Such a theory, he says, also explains the regular appearance in town of bands 20 or more years past their prime. “They don’t realize it isn’t 1976, or 1986,” Constant explains, “or 1996, or 2006. It’s like they’re in a Möbius strip.” He says that, in the instance of Cuthbert and McDonald, this might help explain a seemingly insoluble mystery like REO Speedwagon. “The funny thing is,” he continues, “these shows regularly sell out despite their repetitive and archaic nature, which makes no economic sense. Artistic programming thrives on risk and change, and audiences aren’t stupid. So we’ve begun to ask ourselves if perhaps the wormhole isn’t larger than we originally thought.” Constant says the idea that musical acts and audiences alike are caught in a loop, continually being shunted back and forth through time, is as chilling as ice-nine. “If it’s the case that, say, James Taylor as well as the audience packing the Cuthbert to see him are completely unstuck in time, you have to ask yourself what is real? What’s original?” — By Rick Levin B Y K E N N Y J A C O BY FANCY BUILDINGS FALLING APART Former Ducks fear for future of sports at UO S everal former Duck football players returned to Eugene for the Oregon’s annual Pro Day on Thursday, only to find their once state-of-the-art facilities in shambles. Players were horrified as they walked through the wreckage of the Hatfield-Dowlin Complex, Oregon’s $95-million football office building that opened just four years ago. Several of the individually ventilated lockers in the locker room had stopped eliminating odors, giving the room a sweaty aroma. The 64-TV-screen display in the lobby appeared to be playing in standard definition. The PlayStation 3s in the sixth-floor players’ lounge had still not been updated to PlayStation 4s. Running back De’Anthony Thomas, who now plays for the Kansas City Chiefs, said the hand-woven rugs from Nepal looked as though they hadn’t been vacuumed in weeks, and the Ferrari-leather seats now smell like regular leather. Thomas was shocked to find Fox Sports 1 playing on the TV screens built into the bathroom mirrors. “We used to have ESPN,” he said. “It’s just sad to watch.” Hroniss Grasu, a center for the Chicago Bears, was appalled to find two non-athlete students studying in the lounge of the John E. Jaqua Academic Center, a $42-million tutoring center reserved for the exclusive use of student- athletes. He immediately escorted the interlopers out of the building. “Where are the security guards?” Grasu lamented, adding that the students may have hacked the elevator keypads in order to gain access to the restricted second and third floors. “I can only imagine how many other regular students have gotten away with this.” Even the Marcus Mariota Sports Performance Center, a $19-million sports science complex that opened just last year, was in a state of disrepair. After a tough workout, Mariota himself tried to get some rest in the nap room — named “Sandy Beach” after his favorite place in Hawaii — but couldn’t fall asleep. He couldn’t get comfortable in the reclining sleep pods, and the star-like lights on the ceiling were too bright. “I can only sleep in complete darkness,” Mariota said. Several players demanded that part of the recent 10-percent tuition increase should be allocated for upkeep of the facilities. Others organized a walk-out protest set to take place during each player’s morning classes next term. UO President Michael Schill said he was aware of the situation but would not delve into specifics until the administration had gathered all the facts. “The well-being of our student-athletes is and always has been a top priority,” Schill said. “We will do everything in our power to ensure they are not being unfairly treated.” Head football coach Willie Taggart worried that the facilities’ decline may be indicative of a bigger problem: that Oregon is falling behind in the national arms race in college football. Taggart said the dilapidated facilities could scare top high-school recruits away to colleges with fancier buildings and more amenities. “Clemson’s new building has a mini golf course, bowling alley and laser tag arena,” Taggart said. “Where’s our laser tag?” eugeneweekly.com • A pril 1, 2017 11
