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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 23, 2017)
SAVAGE KRATOM 10% OFF Founded in 2016 in Pleasant Hill, OR KRATOM 1 OZ. OR MORE • WITH THIS COUPON 57 W. BROADWAY 541-687-0139 Now Available At WE ARE Midtown Direct at 13th & Oak in Eugene Chevron Gas Station on HWY 58 in Dexter Center Market at 42 nd & Jasper in Springfield Tony’s Smoke Shop in Corvallis Tri Valley Food Mart in Albany Discount Smokes & Cigarettes in Cottage Grove affordable, expert care Pregnancy Testing • Birth Control STD Testing & Treatment Emergency Contraceptives Annual Wellness Exams For a FREE SAMPLE Call or Text 541-972-3327 MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY ppsworegon.org 800-230-PLAN Accepting most insurances! MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY ppsworegon.org 800-230-PLAN CUSTOM TATTOOS SUZEN TATTOOZEN ERICH SCWARTZWALD 245 VAN BUREN EUGENE 541-255-2734 WELCOME LOGGERS SATISFY YOUR FANTASIES AT NUDE HOURS DAILY NOON TO 2:15 AM TABLE DANCE SPECIALS NO COVER NO COVER 1836 S. A Street • Springfield • 541-762-1503 Now open for lunch at 11am! $5 entrees & $10 lap dances Happy Hour ALL DAY!! Always hiring new entertainers 541-844-1019 knockersclub.com facebook.com/knockersclub FANTASY SCENARIOS BY DAN SAVAGE LOVE I am a straight married man. My wife and I have a 4-year-old and a 3-month-old. We’ve just started having intercourse again. For Valentine’s Day, we spent the night in a B&B while grandma watched the kids. We had edibles, drank sparkling wine, and then fucked. It was amazing. After we came and while we were still stoned and drunk, my wife mentioned she was open to inviting others into our sex life. I asked about getting a professional sex worker. She said no. But maybe if we were in a bar (we’re never in bars) and met someone (a unicorn), she might be into it. Anal came up. She’s al- ways said she’s up for trying anything once. I have a desire to experiment with anal. (Not just me en- tering her, but her pegging me as well.) I asked if she would use the vibrator we brought on me, just to experiment. She said she was too high to do anything. I felt let down. I feel she unknowingly teased me with fantasies I have, not knowing I actually have them. We have a good sex life, and I’m willing to write off the fantasies we discussed while high and drunk. It’s the teasing that drove me crazy. Having And Realizing Desires P.S. I’m in no hurry. We just had a baby, and I don’t want to pressure my wife right now. My fear is that she may only like the idea of exploring our sexuality together and not the reality of it. WE ARE Some people think about, talk about, and masturbate about certain fantasies without ever wanting to expert, realize them. Let’s call them Team Fantasize. Some people think about, etc., certain fantasies and would confidential very much like to realize them. Let’s call them Team Realize. There’s nothing wrong with either team. But care. when someone on Team Fantasize is married to someone on Team Realize, well, that can be a problem. • Pregnancy Knowing your spouse is turned on by fantasies you share but rules out realizing them—or sets impossi- testing for realizing them—can be extremely frustrating. And sometimes a frustrated Team Realize ble conditions • Birth spouse will control say something like this to their Team Fantasize mate: “Talking about these fantasies togeth- er—this kind of dirty and talk—it gets my hopes up about actually doing it. If it’s never going to happen, we • STD testing have treatment to stop talking about it, because it’s frustrating.” The problem with that approach? Swingers clubs, BDSM parties, and the strap-on-dildo sections of • Emergency your contraceptives finer sex-positive sex-toy stores everywhere are filled with couples who used to be on opposite teams—one from Team Fantasize, the other from Team Realize—but they’re both on Team Realize now. • Annual wellness And what got them on the same team? Continuing to discuss and share fantasies, even at the risk of exams frustrating the Team Realize spouse. So if you ever want to have that threesome or experiment with anal, HARD, you need to keep talking with your wife about these fantasies—and you need to tell her your fantasies too! Tell her you’re not pressuring her, of course, but let her know these are things you would actually like to do, and the more you talk about them, the more you want to do them. If she keeps talking with you about them, that’s a sign. Not a sign that she’s a cruel tease, HARD, but a sign that she’s inching closer toward pulling on a Team Realize jersey. P.S. If your wife doesn’t know you have these fantasies—and is consequently teasing you “unknow- ingly”—that’s your fault, HARD, not hers. I wanted to tell you about something that happened to my friend. (Really!) She was going to bang this dude from OkCupid but wasn’t getting a great feeling, so she went to bed and let him crash on the couch. She woke up the next day to find her underwear drawer empty on the floor and all of her underwear wrapped around this dude’s feet. She stealthily removed all the panties from his perv hooves and put her shit away. When the morning actualized itself, they parted amicably with no mention of the underwear slippers. Men In Alaska Ask yourself which is the likelier scenario, MIA. Scenario 1: This guy stumbled around your friend’s dark apartment in the middle of the night, managed to find her underwear drawer, pulled it out and set it on the floor, made himself a pair of pantie-booties, had himself a wank, and fell back to sleep. All without waking your friend. Then your friend got up in the morning, saw her panties wrapped around his hooves, peeled them off one by one, and returned her panties to their drawer. All without waking Perv Hooves up. Scenario 2: Your friend got pervy with this guy, wanted to tell you about this guy’s kink, but was too embarrassed to admit that she played along and possibly got into it. My money is on Scenario 2, MIA, because I’ve heard this song before: “I met this pervert who did these perverted things in front of me while I was asleep, and I wasn’t in any way involved and I wasn’t harmed. Isn’t that pervert crazy?” Yeah, no. In most cases, the person relaying the story played an active roll in the evening’s perversions but edited the story to make themselves look like a passive bystander, not a willing participant. 1195 main st. 25% OFF WE-VIBE CLASSIC & WE-VIBE 4+ 25% OFF SHOES 10% OFF SELECT FUN FACTORY TOYS Adult Shop 290 River Rd | 86784 Franklin Blvd | 720 Garfield e-adultshop.com - 541.636.3203 If you want to stop drinking Alcoholics Anonymous can help EVI by phone 24 hours: 541-342-4113 www. eviaa.org | www.aa.org I’m a 30-year-old straight woman who has been with the same guy (high-school sweetheart!) for the last 13 years. We love each other deeply, best friends, etc. The problem isn’t that the sex isn’t good—he’s very good at making me come. But the sex is vanilla and routine, and I would like us to go beyond that. Nothing extreme, I just want to switch things up a bit. Talking about sex makes my husband REALLY uncomfortable. If I ask him what he’d like me to do to him while we’re having sex, he shuts down. He’ll say, “Everything you do is good,” and leave it there. In the very few conversations we’ve had about this stuff, he’s said that he feels intimidated and doesn’t know what to say. This is incredibly frustrating for me. How do I get him to loosen up and feel more comfortable about talking to me so that we can eventually progress to some new experiences? Why Husband Is Prudish Have you told him what you want? If you haven’t—if you’re as vague in your conversations with him as you were in your letter to me—you’re essentially asking your husband to guess at your undisclosed interests or kinks. Your husband is probably terrified of guessing wrong. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what to say—but he’s told you he’s fine with whatever you want to do. So stop asking him what he wants to do to you, WHIP, and start doing whatever it is you want to do. Take the initiative, be the change you want to see in the sack, lean in or bend over or whatever. From your sign-off, WHIP, I’m guessing you’re interested in some type of BDSM play, most likely with you in the sub role. So lay your kink cards on the table and offer to dominate him first. A lot of subs do some topping, i.e., doing unto others as they would like done unto them, and some subs become tops exclusively. But take baby steps, it’s mild before wild, you gotta nail those junior-varsity kinks before moving up to varsity-level kinks, etc. On the Lovecast, a pro dom on being a sex worker and a single mom: savagelovecast.com. MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET • @FAKEDANSAVAGE • THE SAVAGE LOVECAST AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM eugeneweekly.com • February 23, 2017 35
