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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 21, 2013)
I Saw You I T ’ S F R E E T O P L A C E A N I S A W Y O U AT E U G E N E W E E K LY ’ S W I N K - K I N K . C O M SAVAGE LOVE W O R D S O F W I S D O M BY DA N S AVAG E I’m a heterosexual guy in my early 20s. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about six months, and we’ve been having some fi ghts recently. The problem: I have a high sex drive in comparison to hers. I want to be intimate on a weekly basis (at least!), and she’s told me that she’s more of a once- every-three-weeks-or-so person. I’m trying not to put pressure on her. I don’t want her to feel un- comfortable — she’s a virgin (no penetration), and the thought of the pain of that fi rst time scares her a bit. That said, physical intimacy with her — developing that bond, even without intercourse — is important to me and a key part of what I believe is a healthy relationship. I do my best to be understanding, but I’m not sure how to bridge this gap. Love Is Building Intimacy During Outset SQUEAK PURE...?? YES. I’m very ill. I just want to talk you you. I made a terrible mistake, acting the way did. . I need to speak my peace. Please. -Twitch When: Thursday, December 11, 2008. Where: in the darkness. You: Woman. Me: Man. #903118 Say we, mean I--yes. We can only speak for ourselves. Escape, yes... but not denial. Sweet, yes. Hurt? You bet. Healing? Takes time, maybe a lifetime, even. ...Worth the wait? When: Tuesday, November 5, 2013. Where: everywhere I go. You: Man. Me: Woman. #903114 I S AW Y O U MISSING THE POINT Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. Why is it so hard for you to realize what we had was a miracle. I miss you lots. When: Monday, November 18, 2013. Where: Contemplating at one of our spots.. You: Woman. Me: Man. #903123 ALL & ONE blindgirl..everyname I can think of I friend- ed...in one night..all variety of yours 10 in all 1 I`m looking 4.. When: Saturday, November 16, 2013. Where: look WINK all or nothing.... You: Woman. Me: Man. #903122 YMCA BASKETBALL GOD I love to see the world through your lense. You are a man of many colors that i wish to see again. When: Saturday, November 16, 2013. Where: Eugene YMCA. You: Man. Me: Woman. #903121 BLIND HEARTED FOOL blind girl from long long ago...found family I forgot about..miss our old times..looking everywhere for you..misspelled your name hundreds of times.. When: Thursday, November 14, 2013. Where: still playing the fool in WINK...foolishly.. You: Woman. Me: Man. #903117 NOBLE LADIES You feed me, caffeinate me, and brighten my day. If you ladies ever want to go out for a drink let me know.. until then, I’ll keep ordering my “normy.” When: Tuesday, November 12, 2013. Where: Coffee Shop. You: Woman. Me: Man. #903116 THE HEART KNOWS...... WHAT IF?? Why quell this quickened blood pulsing ocean-of-notion to tell..truth on ourselves.. Heart rate rises under-lies....and what becomes of those wholly open eyes..? As they are...lent to misgiving...please take them back...before.. When: Tuesday, January 1, 2013. Where: Behind her beau- tifully paned eyes reflecting.... You: Woman. Me: Man. #903119 What if I told you, “you had me at WHERE’s YOUR COMPOST?” ..diving deep waters and waiting for your return..my body and soul ache for you..I love you deeply. When: Monday, November 11, 2013. Where: dreaming of Jacques Cousteau. You: Man. Me: Woman. #903115 ALWAYS BETTER TOGETHER. Your beautiful eyes and smile still take my breath away. As we grow together I’m thankful for you. I love,trust,respect,and believe in you. So much better together. When: Friday, April 20, 2012. Where: On the Courthouse roof. You: Woman. Me: Man. #903113 PAYING PROPERTY TAX You complimented my red umbrella. We spoke about the weather. You have a very nice smile. Our conversation was abruptly cut short when my turn at the window came. Coffee? When: Tuesday, November 12, 2013. Where: 125 East 8th Ave. You: Man. Me: Woman. #903111 www.ctv29.org/schedules Frances waxing specialist 541-510-5773 there’s nothing I can’t wax barebodywaxingstudio.com DANCERS AUDITION Call 541-517-7196 Never A Cover Nude Hours 12pm-2:15am Daily LOTTERY • CHAMPAGNE ROOM OUTSIDE SMOKING • DRINKING PATIO 1836 South ‘A’ St., Spfl d • 541-762-1503 Only 5 minutes from campus • (Franklin Blvd turns into South A St.) GIFT CARDS available for the holidays Buy 1, Get 1 FREE on all $9.99 DVD SEX SWINGS & STANDS Last month at a house party, my boyfriend accidentally burned my chin, neck, and cleavage dur- ing a clumsily executed volcano shot. I was literally on fi re for a few seconds. Some doctor appoint- ments, burn creams, bandages, and awkward scabbing later, I’m healing nicely. My problem is, our sex life has become much more complicated. Before the accident, we were having sex only every week or so. But now he stares sadly at my neck wound (which still has a red line going down it) every time he looks at me. It’s very hard to feel sexy when you’re constantly looked at with pity, regret, and concern, and the stress of being sexually frustrated is fueling other stresses. I just want a way out of this sad circle we’ve found ourselves in. Burned Your boyfriend can’t stare at a neck wound he can’t see. So until you’ve fully recovered, B, turn off the lights or blindfold him or lace him into a leather hood — or all three — and have sex the way the good lord intended us to, i.e., in the dark with our pitiful/regretful/hooded boyfriends. And no more fl aming/ stunt drinks, ferfucksake! Enjoy Commercial Free Television 30% OFF While it’s great that you’re understanding of your girlfriend’s sensitivities, LIBIDO, and while it’s com- mendable that you view nonpenetrative sex as fulfi lling, you’re running the risk of “understanding” her into a relationship that makes you both unhappy. Because someone who wants sex multiple times per week will eventually be made miserable by someone who wants sex far less than once a month (which is what the “or so” at the end of “once-every-three-weeks-or-so” means), and vice versa — being with you will make your girlfriend miserable in the long run, too. I get e-mails daily from miserable people on both side of this divide, LIBIDO, from people with high libidos who married lows and from people with low libidos who married highs. The highs are miserable because years of sexual rejection have shredded their sexual self-esteem, or they feel like monsters after years of being “indulged” with going-through-the-motions sex by barely willing and clearly miser- able partners. The lows are miserable because going through the motions makes them miserable or they’re sick of constantly being pestered for sex and made to feel inadequate or broken when they pass. You’re young and straight, LIBIDO, and the culture tells the young and the straight that they must be monogamous (because sex is so important) and that they shouldn’t take sexual compatibility into consideration when picking a partner (because sex is so unimportant). Other shit matters, too, of course — stuff like emotional compatibility, similar life goals, being on the same page about kids, etc. But basic sexual compatibility matters, too, and its absence will eventually undermine everything else. By which I mean to say, LIBIDO: You’ve been dating this girl long enough to know that you’re not a match — you’re not sexually compatible — and that’s reason enough to end this relationship. BUY 1 GET 1 50% OFF ON ALL SENSUA PRODUCTS My boyfriend and I are in our mid/early 20s. We have been dating for a little over 10 months. We have a strong emotional bond and are always communicative and honest with anything and ev- erything. We have an amazing and adventurous sex life, and we have been fantasizing about cuck- olding for about two months. We are both extremely turned on by the idea, but I have reservations about doing this in such a young relationship. Unlike married couples who have years to lay an emotional foundation, my boyfriend and I have less to fall back on. I am excited by the idea of this, but I am scared I will end up feeling used. I am also afraid he will not be able to handle the reality of the humiliation. It turns him on to talk about it, but he has never done this. What happens if we are emotionally wrecked afterward? I’m afraid we’re playing with fi re. I love him and do not want to lose him, but this is something that excites both of us. What should we do? Young And Restless Duo Cuckolding realities are a lot more challenging than cuckolding fantasies — emotionally and logisti- cally. So you’re right to be nervous, YARD. But relationship longevity doesn’t guarantee cuckolding success. Good communication, mutual desire (so fucking important with this fantasy!), and a commit- ment to take things slowly-bordering-on-glacially are far better predictors of success. And if you take it slow — if you limit your cuckolding play to dirty talk for 10 months at least — you’ll have more of that experience/trust/security stuff to fall back on if and when you fi nd the right bull/stud/lover. I’m a 24-year-old lesbian, and I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years. We have both been GGG about things to do with each other in the bedroom, and I’m generally happy with our sex life. Since I am e-mailing you, though, there is a “but.” She is bi and has always wanted to have a threesome with a guy and another girl. I am all for that in theory, but I have a hard time emotionally. I have anxiety. I’m in therapy and on medication, and even still it’s really diffi cult for me to wrap my head around sex with new people. I would spend the entire time silently freaking out. I am not sure how I feel about her getting fucked by someone else, even if she’s fucking me at the same time. I really want to do this for her, but I don’t want it to go poorly because of my issues. Do you have any advice for navigating something like this that your partner really wants but you don’t? For how to get game not just in letter but in spirit? Having Anxiety Raises Diffi culties I’m going to give you the same answer I gave YARD: Talk about it, fantasize about it, be open to it, but take it glacially. Guys who are interested in sexing two women aren’t that diffi cult to fi nd, HARD, so trust that the right guy — one who makes you comfortable, one who is unthreatening — will come into your lives at some point. If you’re worried about how you might react to watching your girlfriend have sex with that special someone else, she shouldn’t have intercourse with that special someone else the fi rst time you get together. Make out, roll around, engage in a little mutual masturbation. If that feels good — if it doesn’t make you anxious or freak you out — make a plan to get together again. Adult Shop This week on the Savage Lovecast, hear the tale of the lesbian roller-derby sleepover: savagelove- cast.com 290 River Rd | 86784 Franklin Blvd | 720 Garfield www.e-adultshop.com - 541.636.3203 FIND THE SAVAGE LOVECAST MY WEEKLY PODCAST EVERY TUESDAY AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM eugeneweekly.com • November 21, 2013 39
