I Saw You
I T ’ S F R E E T O P L A C E A N I S A W Y O U AT E U G E N E W E E K LY ’ S W I N K - K I N K . C O M
SAVAGE
LOVE
W O R D S O F W I S D O M BY DA N S AVAG E
I’m a heterosexual guy in my early 20s. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about six months, and
we’ve been having some fi ghts recently. The problem: I have a high sex drive in comparison to hers.
I want to be intimate on a weekly basis (at least!), and she’s told me that she’s more of a once-
every-three-weeks-or-so person. I’m trying not to put pressure on her. I don’t want her to feel un-
comfortable — she’s a virgin (no penetration), and the thought of the pain of that fi rst time scares
her a bit. That said, physical intimacy with her — developing that bond, even without intercourse
— is important to me and a key part of what I believe is a healthy relationship. I do my best to be
understanding, but I’m not sure how to bridge this gap.
Love Is Building Intimacy During Outset
SQUEAK
PURE...?? YES.
I’m very ill. I just want to talk you you. I
made a terrible mistake, acting the way did.
. I need to speak my peace. Please. -Twitch
When: Thursday, December 11, 2008.
Where: in the darkness. You: Woman. Me:
Man. #903118
Say we, mean I--yes. We can only speak for
ourselves. Escape, yes... but not denial.
Sweet, yes. Hurt? You bet. Healing? Takes
time, maybe a lifetime, even. ...Worth the
wait? When: Tuesday, November 5, 2013.
Where: everywhere I go. You: Man. Me:
Woman. #903114
I S AW Y O U
MISSING THE POINT
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss
life. Why is it so hard for you to realize what
we had was a miracle. I miss you lots.
When: Monday, November 18, 2013.
Where: Contemplating at one of our spots..
You: Woman. Me: Man. #903123
ALL & ONE
blindgirl..everyname I can think of I friend-
ed...in one night..all variety of yours 10 in
all 1 I`m looking 4.. When: Saturday,
November 16, 2013. Where: look WINK all
or nothing.... You: Woman. Me: Man.
#903122
YMCA BASKETBALL GOD
I love to see the world through your lense.
You are a man of many colors that i wish to
see again. When: Saturday, November 16,
2013. Where: Eugene YMCA. You: Man. Me:
Woman. #903121
BLIND HEARTED FOOL
blind girl from long long ago...found family I
forgot about..miss our old times..looking
everywhere for you..misspelled your name
hundreds of times.. When: Thursday,
November 14, 2013. Where: still playing
the fool in WINK...foolishly.. You: Woman.
Me: Man. #903117
NOBLE LADIES
You feed me, caffeinate me, and brighten
my day. If you ladies ever want to go out for
a drink let me know.. until then, I’ll keep
ordering my “normy.” When: Tuesday,
November 12, 2013. Where: Coffee Shop.
You: Woman. Me: Man. #903116
THE HEART KNOWS......
WHAT IF??
Why quell this quickened blood pulsing
ocean-of-notion to tell..truth on ourselves..
Heart rate rises under-lies....and what
becomes of those wholly open eyes..? As
they are...lent to misgiving...please take
them back...before.. When: Tuesday,
January 1, 2013. Where: Behind her beau-
tifully paned eyes reflecting.... You:
Woman. Me: Man. #903119
What if I told you, “you had me at WHERE’s
YOUR COMPOST?” ..diving deep waters and
waiting for your return..my body and soul
ache for you..I love you deeply. When:
Monday, November 11, 2013. Where:
dreaming of Jacques Cousteau. You: Man.
Me: Woman. #903115
ALWAYS BETTER TOGETHER.
Your beautiful eyes and smile still take my
breath away. As we grow together I’m
thankful for you. I love,trust,respect,and
believe in you. So much better together.
When: Friday, April 20, 2012. Where: On the
Courthouse roof. You: Woman. Me: Man.
#903113
PAYING PROPERTY TAX
You complimented my red umbrella. We
spoke about the weather. You have a very
nice smile. Our conversation was abruptly
cut short when my turn at the window
came. Coffee? When: Tuesday, November
12, 2013. Where: 125 East 8th Ave. You:
Man. Me: Woman. #903111
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SEX SWINGS & STANDS
Last month at a house party, my boyfriend accidentally burned my chin, neck, and cleavage dur-
ing a clumsily executed volcano shot. I was literally on fi re for a few seconds. Some doctor appoint-
ments, burn creams, bandages, and awkward scabbing later, I’m healing nicely. My problem is, our
sex life has become much more complicated. Before the accident, we were having sex only every
week or so. But now he stares sadly at my neck wound (which still has a red line going down it)
every time he looks at me. It’s very hard to feel sexy when you’re constantly looked at with pity,
regret, and concern, and the stress of being sexually frustrated is fueling other stresses. I just
want a way out of this sad circle we’ve found ourselves in.
Burned
Your boyfriend can’t stare at a neck wound he can’t see. So until you’ve fully recovered, B, turn off the
lights or blindfold him or lace him into a leather hood — or all three — and have sex the way the good
lord intended us to, i.e., in the dark with our pitiful/regretful/hooded boyfriends. And no more fl aming/
stunt drinks, ferfucksake!
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While it’s great that you’re understanding of your girlfriend’s sensitivities, LIBIDO, and while it’s com-
mendable that you view nonpenetrative sex as fulfi lling, you’re running the risk of “understanding” her
into a relationship that makes you both unhappy. Because someone who wants sex multiple times per
week will eventually be made miserable by someone who wants sex far less than once a month (which
is what the “or so” at the end of “once-every-three-weeks-or-so” means), and vice versa — being with
you will make your girlfriend miserable in the long run, too.
I get e-mails daily from miserable people on both side of this divide, LIBIDO, from people with high
libidos who married lows and from people with low libidos who married highs. The highs are miserable
because years of sexual rejection have shredded their sexual self-esteem, or they feel like monsters
after years of being “indulged” with going-through-the-motions sex by barely willing and clearly miser-
able partners. The lows are miserable because going through the motions makes them miserable or
they’re sick of constantly being pestered for sex and made to feel inadequate or broken when they
pass.
You’re young and straight, LIBIDO, and the culture tells the young and the straight that they must
be monogamous (because sex is so important) and that they shouldn’t take sexual compatibility
into consideration when picking a partner (because sex is so unimportant). Other shit matters, too,
of course — stuff like emotional compatibility, similar life goals, being on the same page about kids,
etc. But basic sexual compatibility matters, too, and its absence will eventually undermine everything
else.
By which I mean to say, LIBIDO: You’ve been dating this girl long enough to know that you’re not a
match — you’re not sexually compatible — and that’s reason enough to end this relationship.
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My boyfriend and I are in our mid/early 20s. We have been dating for a little over 10 months. We
have a strong emotional bond and are always communicative and honest with anything and ev-
erything. We have an amazing and adventurous sex life, and we have been fantasizing about cuck-
olding for about two months. We are both extremely turned on by the idea, but I have reservations
about doing this in such a young relationship. Unlike married couples who have years to lay an
emotional foundation, my boyfriend and I have less to fall back on. I am excited by the idea of this,
but I am scared I will end up feeling used. I am also afraid he will not be able to handle the reality of
the humiliation. It turns him on to talk about it, but he has never done this. What happens if we are
emotionally wrecked afterward? I’m afraid we’re playing with fi re. I love him and do not want to lose
him, but this is something that excites both of us. What should we do?
Young And Restless Duo
Cuckolding realities are a lot more challenging than cuckolding fantasies — emotionally and logisti-
cally. So you’re right to be nervous, YARD. But relationship longevity doesn’t guarantee cuckolding
success. Good communication, mutual desire (so fucking important with this fantasy!), and a commit-
ment to take things slowly-bordering-on-glacially are far better predictors of success. And if you take
it slow — if you limit your cuckolding play to dirty talk for 10 months at least — you’ll have more of that
experience/trust/security stuff to fall back on if and when you fi nd the right bull/stud/lover.
I’m a 24-year-old lesbian, and I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years. We have both
been GGG about things to do with each other in the bedroom, and I’m generally happy with our sex
life. Since I am e-mailing you, though, there is a “but.” She is bi and has always wanted to have a
threesome with a guy and another girl. I am all for that in theory, but I have a hard time emotionally.
I have anxiety. I’m in therapy and on medication, and even still it’s really diffi cult for me to wrap my
head around sex with new people. I would spend the entire time silently freaking out. I am not sure
how I feel about her getting fucked by someone else, even if she’s fucking me at the same time. I
really want to do this for her, but I don’t want it to go poorly because of my issues. Do you have any
advice for navigating something like this that your partner really wants but you don’t? For how to
get game not just in letter but in spirit?
Having Anxiety Raises Diffi culties
I’m going to give you the same answer I gave YARD: Talk about it, fantasize about it, be open to it, but
take it glacially. Guys who are interested in sexing two women aren’t that diffi cult to fi nd, HARD, so
trust that the right guy — one who makes you comfortable, one who is unthreatening — will come into
your lives at some point. If you’re worried about how you might react to watching your girlfriend have
sex with that special someone else, she shouldn’t have intercourse with that special someone else the
fi rst time you get together. Make out, roll around, engage in a little mutual masturbation. If that feels
good — if it doesn’t make you anxious or freak you out — make a plan to get together again.
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