Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current, February 21, 2013, Image 34

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Eugene weekly., February 21, 2013, Page 34, Image 34

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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 21, 2013)

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Newspaper Page TextFREE WILL B N OW ASTROLOGY BY R O B B R E ZN Y ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the course of her world travels, writer Jane Brunette has seen many wonderful things — as well as a lot of trash. The most beautiful litter, she says, is in Bali. She loves the “woven palm leaf of- ferings, colorful cloth left from a ceremony, and ﬂ owers that dry into exquisite wrinkles of color.” Even the shiny candy wrappers strewn by the side of the road are fun to behold. Your assignment, Aries, is to adopt a perceptual ﬁ lter akin to Brunette’s. Is there any stuff other people regard as worthless or outworn that you might ﬁ nd useful, interesting, or even charming? I’m speaking metaphorically as well as literally. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The Old Testament tells the story of a man named Methuselah, who supposedly didn’t die until he was 969 years old. Some Kabbalistic commentators suggest that he didn’t literally walk the earth for almost ten centuries. Rather, he was extra skilled at the arts of living. His experiences were profoundly rich. He packed 969 years’ worth of meaningful adventures into a normal life span. I prefer that interpretation, and I’d like to invoke it as I assess your future. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Taurus, you will have Methuselah’s talent in the coming weeks. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the coming weeks, I’m expecting your life to verge on being epic and majestic. There’s a better than even chance that you will do something heroic. You might ﬁ nally activate a sleeping poten- tial or tune in to your future power spot or learn what you’ve never been able to grasp before. And if you capitalize gracefully on the kaleidoscopic kismet that’s ﬂ owing your way, I bet you will make a discovery that will fuel you for the rest of your long life. In mythical terms, you will create a new Grail or tame a troublesome dragon — or both. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Jackalopes resemble jackrabbits, except that they have antlers like deer and tails like pheasants. They love whiskey, only have sex during storms, and can mimic most sounds, even the human voice. The milk of the female has curative properties. Strictly speaking, however, the jackalope doesn’t actually exist. It’s a legendary beast, like the mermaid and unicorn. And yet Wyoming lawmakers have decided to honor it. Early this year they began the process of making it the state’s ofﬁ cial mythical creature. I bring this to your attention, Cancerian, because now would be an excellent time to select your own ofﬁ cial mythical creature. The evocative presence of this fantastic fantasy would inspire your imagination to work more freely and playfully, which is just what you need. What’ll it be? Dragon? Sphinx? Phoenix? Here’s a list: tinyurl.com/MythicCritters FR EE! MEMB E R S H IP I S AW YOU ELVIS YOU ARE SO. FLY!!!! Lakers be KILLIN’ IT When: Monday, February 18, 2013. Where: Horsehead. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902745 RED BEARDED FISHERMAN Flathead, channel, blue cat...throwing sticks and wagging tails. Flowers, corn and sweet peas. Storms and worms. Jack and Jim. Time to come home, your ladies miss you. When: Wednesday, June 17, 2009. Where: with the crabs. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902744 GREEN SUZUKI If ME-redcar Recently out of the hospital & am on oxygen awaiting a Heart/Lung trans- plant YOU-red-blonde hair Rear-ended me then turned and drove away “Do you know what KARMA is?” When: Wednesday, February 13, 2013. Where: 3rd & Washington. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902742 CUSSING MOM Cussing at your daughter @ LTD downtown. “Don’t you ever f’ing use that word. Do you f’ing hear me?” you hissed.(not edited)I regret not standing up for your little girl. When: Friday, February 15, 2013. Where: Downtown Eugene. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902741 HEY!!! LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The temptation to hide what you’re feeling could be strong right now. You may wonder if you should protect yourself and others from the unruly truth. But according to my analysis, you will be most brilliant and effective if you’re cheerfully honest. That’s the strategy most likely to provide genuine healing, too -- even if its initial effects are unsettling. Please remember that it won’t be enough merely to communicate the easy secrets with polite courage. You will have to tap into the deepest sources you know and unveil the whole story with buoyantly bold elegance. Who’s making out NOW?! You have no idea how many inconvenient lady-boners you give me. You are totally awesome dipped in a whole gallon of sexy and sprinkled with rad. When: Friday, February 15, 2013. Where: In my pants. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902740 BABY LOVE VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The word “chain” may refer to something that conﬁ nes or restricts. But it can also mean a series of people who are linked together because of their common interests and their desire to create strength through unity. I believe that one of those two deﬁ nitions will play an important role in your life during the coming weeks, Virgo. If you proceed with the intention to emphasize the second meaning, you will minimize and maybe even eliminate the ﬁ rst. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): People in Sweden used to drive their cars on the left-hand side of the road. But a grow- ing body of research revealed it would be better if everyone drove on the right-hand side. So on Sept. 3, 1967, the law changed. Everyone switched over. All non-essential trafﬁ c was halted for hours to accommodate the necessary adjustments. What were the results? Lots of motorists grumbled about having to alter their routine behavior, but the transition was smooth. In fact, the accident rate went down. I think you’d beneﬁ t from doing a comparable ritual sometime soon, Libra. Which of your traditions or habits could use a fundamental revision? SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When a woman is pregnant, her womb stretches dramatically, getting bigger to accommodate the growing fetus. I suspect you’ll undergo a metaphorically similar process in the coming weeks. A new creation will be gestating, and you’ll have to expand as it ripens. How? Here’s one way: You’ll have to get smarter and more sensitive in order to give it the care it needs. Here’s another way: You’ll have to increase your capacity for love. Don’t worry: You won’t have to do it all at once. “Little by little” is your watchword. E U G E N E W E E K LY ’ S L O C A L D AT I N G S I T E S Thank you for everything you have done for me. your sweet embrace melts my heart. forever your Daisy Bell When: Saturday, April 24, 2010. Where: 331 monroe. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902739 HOT AND COLD At the thrift store on a Wednesday. shower hooks not the only cuteness. Thanks for the smile and wave :) When: Wednesday, February 13, 2013. Where: saint vincent de paul. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902738 W I N K- K I N K . C O M DEAREST PETER... PINKY I’ve missed you every day since your return to Neverland... my balcony window remains open... oh to soothe your tender soul... W. When: Monday, February 11, 2013. Where: my window. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902737 Creep closer to my campfire. Sing songs with me. Cover your ears while I tune my guitar. Whisper in my ear, racy words with- out laughing. My heart aches without you. When: Saturday, February 9, 2013. Where: Mesa Verde with FS Ranger. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902730 PINKY & POOTER Found your adventures -and the intercon- nectedness I experience with you both- more intriguing than the morning paper, and as entertaining as my imagination allows! Thanks for sharing! Never a dull moment. When: Saturday, February 9, 2013. Where: Lost In Love.. You: Man. Me: Man. #902736 GARED Hope you are feeling better and hope to see you again soon! You know where to find me Fridays 11:30am-2:00pm @ LCC. Come say hello. :) When: Monday, January 14, 2013. Where: LCC. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902735 BY THE KEYSTONE Miss Clee-O says: Joe: Your new venture is a great success! Your next invention will be too.. Always keep a civil tongue and good things will come to you! When: Wednesday, January 2, 2013. Where: On 5th. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902734 80’S NIGHT UMBRELLA Dude, I offered $10 to climb up there and get it. If you have it, I have your $10. Claim your prize. The owner hates me unless I get it. When: Thursday, February 7, 2013. Where: downtown. You: Man. Me: Man. #902729 CARMEN AT ANDERSON’S You gave me a marvelous haircut (and gabbed well) at Anderson’s. Then you quit the joint. I want you to cut my hair again. Seriously. When: Thursday, September 20, 2012. Where: Anderson’s Barbershop. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902727 POET RACHEL Your stunning performance at the Tsunami slam in Oct. 2012 deserves an encore. You deserve to win; Eugene deserves your wit. Hear my entreaty: please come back. When: Saturday, October 13, 2012. Where: Tsunami Books. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902726 HALLELUJAH YOU, DHS OFFICE Love sparkles fiercely As before, now, and ever covalent bonding Happy Valentine’s Day J-dog Love P-funk When: Monday, February 11, 2013. Where: Everywhere. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902733 You work for DHS on Chad Drive. You asked me my nation. I said, “Choctaw,” you said, “Beautiful.” I don’t think you understand how that brightened my day. THANK YOU. When: Wednesday, February 6, 2013. Where: Front desk of the office. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902725 KUNTRI BOI 88 I love u sooo much cinnamon bear!!! Im nothingwithout u... Ur mdy everything.. my world my happiness my lover.... ( maybe future husband... Idk).But I do know we’re perfect together When: Tuesday, September 18, 2012. Where: LTD. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902732 NICE... YET FLIRTATIOUS Thank-you for your “flub”. It was very kind & flattering. I like the rain too, in good time. I feel like a curious monkey in your compa- ny. Coffee? Tea? Rainy-walk? When: Wednesday, February 6, 2013. Where: 76 Gas Station on Blair Blvd. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902731 NY GYROS 11TH POOTER I saw your sense of adventure as your most redeeming quality. Still do. We always did feel the same we just saw it from a different point of view. Pinky When: Thursday, September 17, 2009. Where: On the NU Trail. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902724 OUR PERFECT WORLD Our perfect world constantly rotates into a better place; better smiles, laughter, friend- ship, trust, spontaneity, love and happi- ness, can’t wait for what is to come. Happy Thursday!!! When: Monday, February 4, 2013. Where: Waking up next to me. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902722 I LOVE YOU. BEST FRICKIN’ GYROS ON THE PLANET! And super handsome to boot. When: Tuesday, February 5, 2013. Where: Rumble in the Bronx - ooh the hunger. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902723 SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Do you ﬂ oss your teeth while you’re meditating? Do you text-message and shave or put on make-up as you drive? Do you simultaneously eat a meal, pay your bills, watch TV and exercise? If so, you are probably trying to move too fast and do too much. Even in normal times, that’s no good. But in the coming week, it should be taboo. You need to slowwww wayyyy dowwwn, Sagittarius. You’ve got … to compel yourself … to do … one thing … at a time. I say this not just because your mental and physical and spiritual health depend on it. Certain crucial realizations about your future are on the verge of popping into your awareness — but they will only pop if you are immersed in a calm and unhurried state. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): To make your part of the world a better place, stress-loving workaholics may need to collaborate with slow-moving underachievers. Serious business might be best negotiated in places like bowling alleys or parking lots. You should deﬁ nitely consider seeking out curious synergies and unexpected alliances. It’s an odd grace period, Capricorn. Don’t assume you already know how to captivate the imaginations of people whose inﬂ uence you want in your life. Be willing to think thoughts and feel feelings you have rarely if ever entertained. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Gawker.com came up with colorful ways to describe actress Zooey Deschanel. In a weird coincidence, their pithy phrases for her seem to ﬁ t the moods and experiences you will soon be having. I guess you could say you’re scheduled to have a Zooey Deschanel-according-to-Gawker.com kind of week. Here are some of the themes: 1. Novelty ukulele tune. 2. Overemphatic stage wink. 3. Sentient glitter cloud. 4. Over-iced Funfetti cupcake. 5. Melted-bead craft project. 6. Living Pinterest board. 7. Animated Hipstamatic photograph. 8. Bambi’s rabbit friend. 9. Satchel of fairy dust. 10. Hipster labradoodle. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You may have heard the thundering exhortation, “Know thyself!” Its origin is ancient. More than 2,400 years ago, it was inscribed at the front of the Temple of Apollo in Delphi, Greece. As im- portant as it is to obey this command, there is an equally crucial corollary: “Be thyself!” Don’t you agree? Is there any experience more painful than not being who you really are? Could there be any behavior more damaging to your long-term happiness than trying to be someone other than who you really are? If there is even the slightest gap, Pisces, now is an excellent time to start closing it. Cosmic forces will be aligned in your favor if you push hard to further identify the nature of your authentic self, and then take aggressive steps to foster its full bloom. HOMEWORK: Is it possible there’s something you really need but you don’t know what it is? Can you guess what it might be? http://Freewillastrology.com GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM CHECK OUT EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. THE AUDIO HOROSCOPES ARE ALSO AVAILABLE BY PHONE AT 18778734888 [] 19009507700 34 February 21, 2013 • eugeneweekly.com follow us on twitter: twitter.com/eugeneweekly