Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (March 8, 2012)
KINK Eugene Weekly’s Alternative Dating Site • Browse local postings • Post your own profi le • Connect with local singles CURIOUS CRAVES EXPLORATIION Respond to a Kink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID Ads with a ☎ have Voice Mail Messages call 1-520-547-3020 (Charges may apply) DOM./MISTRESS NEED. WANT TO FUCK Mature,goodlooking male seeks youngish unconventional dom. Serve a mistress,your slave for p l e a s u r e . N e e d dominating,caned,harnessed on a lead.CBT very important.Do as you wish,not many limits-serious imaginative kinks.Plus dinner. purpleballs, 66 I have a foot fetish and I want to be a foot slave I’m new to this and I’m horny if you want a slave give me wink. Twicethespice11, 19 GOOD VANILLA GIRLIE I am looking for some fun after a self-inflicted period of abstinence..I’ve always been bi- curious, and would like to explore this. But I am also up for a good stuffing. mistresslis- salickylou, 29, g SHADOW LOVER I’m just a young woman looking for a man to dominate me. DelinaRose, 20, g CASUAL, GROUNDED, REAL 32, looking for a casual lover, (younger?)...prefer a man, maybe the rt woman. *Not* looking for *just* a “kinky-fuck.” Expect boundaries to be respected and intimacy to evolve naturally. Celeste, 32 Back after hiatus. Friends say I’m pretty. Not first time but not every day. Not ordinary. I want men who like femininity and women who give and get relaxed pleasure. tinkerbell, 43 GOOD VANILLA GIRLIE Back after hiatus. Friends say I’m pretty. Not first time but not every day. Not ordinary. I want men who like femininity and women who give and get relaxed pleasure. tinkerbell, 43 CLIT PLAY i want to have the mind blowing ultimate fantasy lived out, and there are alot to be lived i hope there is time for it all... NaughtyNice, 47, g WHY LIE? Looking for a partially crazy/ strong/feminine woman who can wake me up and help me feel alive once again. monkey- man, 41 BIGCOCK4YA Just hoping for someone sexy. jdiddle22, 25, g ATTENTIVE YOUNG CONNOIS- SEUR THE MYSTERY GUY... CURIOUS WET PUSSY Well this mystery guy has what it takes to make the girls happy at all times. Looking for any ladies who will want to take a chance in life. Epyon, 25 EXPLORING SEXPLEASURE I am a passionate, sexual, silly, affectionate, smart, weird, and fun autodidactic world traveler. Recently returned to the states to work and save for the next adventures. Seeking sexual exploration. Neacailaccio, 27 Seeking pleasure of all sorts: sexual, romantic, intellectual. I love going down, especially, but not at the cost of well-rounded pleasure of all kinds. DreamingInTongues, 21 GIVING MORE ORGASMS I delight in hearing your moan- ing, seeing ecstasy in your eyes, the gasping of your breath, over, over and over. Call me, Starr for the patient heat you deserve. LongTimeComing, 56, g YOUR SEXY DESIRE I need of a woman’s touch, dying to know what it feels like when a beautiful female licks my pussy & ass, suck my tits and finger me. Pinkcurious, 33 YOUNG, HUNG, HORNY college girls don’t satisfy me, I need to be milked. Older woman I mean 25-40. Will do anything at least once, eat your ass? I get rock hard for bouncy. ban- sai69, 20 guys in mid 20’s seeking discreet sexy encounters with other fan- tastically attractive, open mind- ed individuals, seeking lovely ladies to have fun with and explore :). thirdrock42, 24, g SUPER FREAK I’m looking for pure fun and pleasure! If u like it I love it! sexualchocolate, 29, g DOWNFURRYSEX goin to college soon wanting to be a doctor and an officer in the military. already in the guard. love to have fun and open mind- ed. peace out man. fiskforlife, 19, g SATISFY YOUR FANTASIES! NUDE HOURS DAILY NOON TO 2:15 AM NO COVER DANCER AUDITIONS CALL 541-517-7196 MON/WED $15 TABLE DANCES NO COVER 1836 S. A Street • Springfield • 541-762-1503 19 Types Dogs, Sausages & Vegan Sausage Real hook ups, real fast. 9th & Garfield OPEN: 5am-6pm M-F & 5am-2pm Sat Hot Dogs Served Any Time! Home Made Soups M - F v m (541) 344-0067 XXXXXXXX Now with Photo Sharing! TRY FOR Free 541.431.1828 Local Numbers: 1.800.926.6000 18+ Ahora en Español www.livelinks.com 20% OFF ALL FUN FACTORY TOYS Savage Love WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage I’m a gay man in my late 20s who has been trying to deal with an attraction to young boys since I hit puberty. I know that what I feel is wrong and wish to Christ that I could have a normally wired brain. I have never abused a child; I do not look at child pornography. But I need to speak to a therapist because I can’t get through this on my own. Bottom line is I’m afraid. Seriously afraid. I don’t know what my legal rights are and I don’t know how to go about get- ting more information without incriminating myself. I’m sure there are more people than just me who need to talk about this. My problem is that I’m not fi nancially stable enough to afford seeing someone for more than a few sessions. I just can’t keep saying I’m fi ne, and I can’t let healthy relationships fall apart because I’m unable to talk to anyone about my problem. Can’t Wish It Away I shared your letter with Dr. James Cantor, a psychologist, associate professor at the Uni- versity of Toronto, and editor in chief of Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment. (Follow Dr. Cantor on Twitter @JamesCantorPhD.) The fi rst thing he said, CWIA, was that you deserved praise — he called you “an ace” — for making it this far without having committed an offense. But accessing the support you need to get through the next six or seven decades of life without sexually abusing a child — support the culture should provide to men and women like you in order to protect children — isn’t going to be easy, Dr. Cantor said, particularly if you live in the United States. “Other countries have created programs to help people like CWIA,” said Dr. Cantor. “Germany has Prevention Project Dunkelfeld, which includes a hospital-based clinic and anonymous hotlines that people who are attracted to children can call when they need to talk to someone, vent, or debrief. In Canada, we have the Circles of Support and Accountability — groups of volunteers who provide assistance and social support and who, in turn, receive support and supervision from professionals.” But Canada funds these programs only for people who committed a sexual offense. The Circles program isn’t open to “gold-star pedophiles,” my term for men and women who have successfully struggled against their attraction to children without any support or credit. (Yes, credit. Someone who is burdened with an attraction to children — no one chooses to be sexu- ally attracted to children — and successfully battled that attraction all of his adult life deserves credit for his strength, self-control, and moral sense.) Sadly, in the United States, we’ve taken steps that make it harder for pedophiles to get the support they need to avoid offending. “One of the recent regulations in the United States is mandatory reporting,” said Dr. Cantor. “These regulations vary by region, but in general, if a client has children or provides care to children and admits to experiencing sexual attraction to children — any children — the therapist is required to report the client to the authorities, regardless of whether any abuse was actually occurring.” The goal is to protect children, of course, and that is a goal I fully support as a parent and a human being. But broad mandatory reporting policies have an unintended consequence: People like CWIA — people who need help to avoid acting on their attraction to children — are cut off from mental health professionals who can give them the tools, insight, and support they need. Mandatory reporting policies, designed to protect children, may be making children less safe. “The situation is not completely hopeless, however,” said Dr. Cantor. “Therapists with train- ing and experience working with people attracted to children are keenly aware of the delicate legal situation that both they and their clients are in. A good therapist — a licensed therapist, please — will begin the very fi rst session by outlining exactly what they must report and what they may not report.” So long as there is no specifi c child in specifi c danger — so long as you don’t have children (please don’t), CWIA, and don’t work with children (please don’t) — your therapist is required to keep whatever information you share confi dential. “CWIA should ask questions about confi dentiality before disclosing anything to a thera- pist,” said Dr. Cantor. “He can ask these questions over the phone before making an appoint- ment or even revealing his name.” To fi nd a therapist, CWIA, you can contact — anonymously — the Association for the Treat- ment of Sexual Abusers (http://atsa.com/request-referral). “Although that group is primarily about services to persons who have already committed an offense,” said Dr. Cantor, “the professionals in their referral network are able and willing to help people in CWIA’s situation as well.” Even the few sessions you can afford will help, CWIA. I’m a happy fi ftysomething straight female sub in a D/s relationship. My Dom is my boy- friend; we present as a regular couple. We decided to take a break for several months because of some trust issues. We are now back together. While we were on our break, my adult daugh- ter from my fi rst marriage told me that she was happy we split up because she viewed his be- havior toward me as abusive. She based this on my generally deferring to his wishes. In other words, I was behaving as his sub. She believes that I am a brainwashed abused woman who cannot break free of her abuser. She won’t have anything to do with him, believing that he is not a good man. If I want to see her and the grandkids, I visit alone. There is no way I am going to tell her that we are D/s, because my private life is none of her business. Also, I don’t think that picturing Grandma getting spanked with a leather belt is an image she would want seared in her brain. What can I say to her to reassure her that I am happy and not being abused? Only Kinky Sorry, OK, but you made your private life your daughter’s business. You don’t have to tell your daughter the whole truth (leave out the leather belt), but you will have to tell her that what she witnessed — you behaving as your boyfriend’s sub — was consensual role-play, not abuse. Tell her that it was never your intent to involve her or anyone else in your sex play, you thought your role-play was so subtle that no one else would ever pick up on it, and you’re sorry to have to burden her with this info. But you’re in a consensual D/s relationship, and what she has interpreted as abuse is just an elaborate, consensual game that you both enjoy. Promise to dial it way, way back from now on. But you will have to come clean with, and come out to, your daughter — if only to exoner- ate your boyfriend, who isn’t an abuser and shouldn’t have to live with that stigma. Awesome advice to Heartbroken, the woman who agreed to have a MFF threesome on the condition that her husband not engage in PIV intercourse with their third. You told her hus- band that his inability to respect his wife’s ground rules had probably screwed him out of any opportunity to have PIV sex with other women in the future. I’m in a nonmonogamous mar- riage. We started off with MFF threesomes, but I gave my husband the “no penis in her vagina” rule. He followed it to a T until I gave him the go-ahead. Now we both screw other people. If my husband had messed up the fi rst time, though, we never would have gotten this far. Woman Over Wisconsin Thanks for sharing, WOW. Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM • BLOGS.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM EUGENE WEEKLY MARCH 8, 2012 39
